*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
This week on The Survivors, Lisa & Natasha continue their conversation with Jake and Joe Sharp about the 2020 suicide of their brother Sam and how they channeled their grief into advocacy, mental health work, and a fitness-focused platform, jduofit.
The episode covers shame, men's mental health, therapy, the evolving nature of grief, tips for supporting someone who is grieving, and where to find Jake and Joe’s resources.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Key Topics
- The impact of losing a brother to suicide
- The journey from grief to advocacy
- The importance of honesty and connection in mental health
- Breaking stigma around men's mental health
- The role of social media in mental health awareness
- The significance of shared stories in healing
- The evolution of grief over time
- The importance of community and support systems
Takeaways
- Sharing pain openly can foster healing and connection
- Men's mental health needs more honest conversations
- Loss can be a catalyst for positive change and advocacy
- Connection and community are vital in overcoming shame
- Grief evolves but never fully disappears, it changes form
- Authenticity in sharing stories can inspire others to seek help
- Small steps every day contribute to healing
- Breaking societal stigma around mental health is crucial
Chapters
00:00 - Introduction to Jake and Joe Sharp's story 02:25 - The loss of Sam and initial reactions 05:27 - From grief to purpose: starting on social media 08:14 - Men's mental health and societal expectations 11:32 - Open communication about pain and mental health 14:53 - Addressing shame and mental health struggles 18:46 - The power of connection and shared vulnerability 22:08 - How grief changes over time 25:40 - Memorial traditions and honoring loved ones 29:30 - Advice for men struggling with mental health 33:22 - Words of comfort for siblings left behind
Mental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
- Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss (Familius Books)
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
- To connect with Jake & Joe, find them at @jduofit on all social platforms.
Follow & Connect With Us
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🎵📱TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thesurvivorspodcast
See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up,
00:00:04 --> 00:00:08 our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:08 --> 00:00:12 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:13 --> 00:00:18 This is The Survivors, real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:18 --> 00:00:20 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:24 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:29 Last week, we introduced you to Jake and Joe Sharp and talked about the devastating
00:00:29 --> 00:00:32 loss of their 16-year-old brother, Sam, to suicide.
00:00:32 --> 00:00:36 This week, we're continuing that conversation and talking about what came next,
00:00:36 --> 00:00:40 how Jake and Joe turned their pain and loss into purpose and advocacy.
00:00:41 --> 00:00:42 Here's part two of our conversation.
00:00:43 --> 00:00:48 So we're just gonna pick up where we left off last week. We are so lucky to
00:00:48 --> 00:00:50 have Jake and Joe Sharp here with us.
00:00:51 --> 00:00:57 They're talking about their brother, Sam, who they lost in 2020 to suicide.
00:00:57 --> 00:01:04 And they have just exploded, I think, onto the social media scene.
00:01:04 --> 00:01:11 They've been incredibly influential in mental health advocacy and that whole world.
00:01:11 --> 00:01:15 And we found them and we reached out to them and they reached back.
00:01:15 --> 00:01:24 And we're here having kind of a second part of the conversation of what the loss of Sam has created.
00:01:24 --> 00:01:31 And we talked a little bit about how gratitude is a unique emotion to feel with
00:01:32 --> 00:01:33 suicide loss survivors.
00:01:33 --> 00:01:40 The four of us in this conversation have been very fortunate to be able to really
00:01:40 --> 00:01:44 kind of take our stories places and reach a lot of people with our stories.
00:01:44 --> 00:01:47 And I don't know about you guys, but Natasha and I have had,
00:01:47 --> 00:01:50 since we started doing the pod together, we've had some incredible,
00:01:50 --> 00:01:52 incredible experiences with people.
00:01:53 --> 00:01:59 Guests and with folks that have reached out to us from all over saying that,
00:02:00 --> 00:02:05 our story found them and our episodes found them and had an impact on them.
00:02:05 --> 00:02:10 So we just want to jump back into kind of where we left off in last week's episode,
00:02:10 --> 00:02:12 which anyone can listen to.
00:02:12 --> 00:02:18 If you're just catching this one, go back and listen to our episode from last week about Sam.
00:02:18 --> 00:02:23 Learn what an amazing human Sam was and the legacy that he leaves behind and
00:02:23 --> 00:02:27 his brothers are doing everything, including his other siblings are doing everything
00:02:27 --> 00:02:31 to preserve his memory and to make changes in people's lives for the better.
00:02:31 --> 00:02:38 So we're going to shift into kind of what you're all doing now with your lives.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:42 So Sam's been gone about six years, right?
00:02:42 --> 00:02:49 Right around COVID times in 2020. And walk us through, you talked about it in
00:02:49 --> 00:02:54 the last episode about the devastation and the shock and the anger and kind
00:02:54 --> 00:02:55 of living with the loss in the early days.
00:02:56 --> 00:03:03 Talk about where the shift came, where what happened and the loss you experienced,
00:03:03 --> 00:03:07 became something you felt you needed to take further.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:12 How did that all happen that you that you landed on instagram and tiktok and
00:03:12 --> 00:03:16 and doing the work you're doing and then i want to talk about we want to talk about.
00:03:17 --> 00:03:23 Jduo fit which is you guys are you will are also wellness influencers so we
00:03:23 --> 00:03:25 want to talk about all of it start wherever you want,
00:03:26 --> 00:03:31 take us through how did you go from there we do not like the word influencers
00:03:31 --> 00:03:32 because then we're seen as like,
00:03:33 --> 00:03:36 these people that have like huge platforms.
00:03:36 --> 00:03:39 It's so funny, we me and Jake actually.
00:03:40 --> 00:03:46 Never wanted to be like these influencers or like social media creators.
00:03:46 --> 00:03:50 Like we always like, it was so hard for us to do that.
00:03:50 --> 00:03:57 And it was like, like being totally honest, our journey to like find this was
00:03:58 --> 00:04:01 super not pretty. It was not pretty at all.
00:04:02 --> 00:04:08 Like we were started probably after losing our little brother,
00:04:09 --> 00:04:16 we fell into a lot of the obvious like just grief and trying to figure out life
00:04:16 --> 00:04:19 and it was COVID so it was like nothing was open,
00:04:20 --> 00:04:25 for a while and everyone was trying to like figure out life but we were added on just to like,
00:04:26 --> 00:04:30 what was our life and what was our purpose and just trying to figure out day
00:04:30 --> 00:04:32 to day like we're just living day to day,
00:04:33 --> 00:04:35 and being completely honest like we,
00:04:36 --> 00:04:40 fell to binge eating and really.
00:04:42 --> 00:04:48 Struggled with our mental health a lot i got on medication and we're in therapy
00:04:48 --> 00:04:53 a lot just trying to figure out life but like what it it was so funny there
00:04:53 --> 00:04:56 was a lot of pressure from people in our church or like,
00:04:57 --> 00:05:02 people in our life that probably didn't mean any harm or didn't mean anything
00:05:02 --> 00:05:06 but they like you're like okay what's your future what like are you going to
00:05:06 --> 00:05:08 college are you going to do this and we're like i don't even know what tomorrow
00:05:08 --> 00:05:10 looks like i don't even to know what today looks like,
00:05:11 --> 00:05:18 and so it was just figuring that out and eventually what would you say maybe like a year later,
00:05:19 --> 00:05:23 we always thought we were going to do something fitness related but because
00:05:23 --> 00:05:25 we had our own journey with that but,
00:05:25 --> 00:05:34 we transformed into like this purpose of okay how do we make the best of this
00:05:34 --> 00:05:39 shit scenario where we lost our little brother how do we how do you move forward with that?
00:05:39 --> 00:05:46 So we started posting on Instagram, I think in 2021 is our first post.
00:05:46 --> 00:05:51 I would have to go look back at that. But we wanted to help people with their
00:05:51 --> 00:05:54 fitness and mental health. We wanted to show people that.
00:05:55 --> 00:06:00 Even we thought before, like in high school, that fitness was just like,
00:06:01 --> 00:06:06 for ourselves, it was like body confidence. It was this, but we know that losing
00:06:06 --> 00:06:08 someone teaches you so much more.
00:06:08 --> 00:06:15 And we knew that it was so much more than just exercise and trying to take care of yourself.
00:06:16 --> 00:06:22 It was going to therapy and learning the right habits for ourselves,
00:06:22 --> 00:06:27 learning how to process grief and hard times. And.
00:06:29 --> 00:06:33 I think that's what we started influencing in a different way.
00:06:33 --> 00:06:38 We're not like your average fitness influencers or wellness influencers that
00:06:38 --> 00:06:40 talk about getting to the gym.
00:06:40 --> 00:06:45 We're so much more than that. and we wanted to create a platform of talking
00:06:45 --> 00:06:48 about some of the things that people don't really talk about,
00:06:48 --> 00:06:50 about shame, about things.
00:06:51 --> 00:06:56 Suicide prevention, what that could look like, about some habits that could
00:06:57 --> 00:06:58 help you create a lifestyle.
00:06:59 --> 00:07:02 So we talk about it all. And that started back in 21.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:09 Yeah, I think we try to keep it as real as it gets because of what we've been
00:07:09 --> 00:07:14 through, struggling with mental health, struggling with grief.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:17 And other things that have happened in our lives.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:23 It really comes down, I think it was like 2021 where we really found purpose
00:07:24 --> 00:07:31 in working towards like a mental health brand or physical and mental health brand intertwined.
00:07:31 --> 00:07:35 I think that was like 2021. We were going to figure it out and figure out what
00:07:35 --> 00:07:37 that actually looks like.
00:07:37 --> 00:07:42 But it hasn't been pretty at all. It's been full of a lot of like embarrassing
00:07:42 --> 00:07:46 things, things that we just had to learn.
00:07:46 --> 00:07:51 But the best journeys usually the best journeys usually are yeah the best journeys
00:07:51 --> 00:07:57 and people that i look up to to usually they fell on their face like a hundred times or they just,
00:07:58 --> 00:08:03 went through something really crappy and they've just pushed along and been
00:08:03 --> 00:08:08 super persistent and so i would say that that was a lot of our journey it's just persistence,
00:08:09 --> 00:08:13 i i think that something that's become a huge part of the work you do now.
00:08:13 --> 00:08:18 And obviously because you're men, you're young men, is men's mental health.
00:08:18 --> 00:08:25 And I think that Sam's story touches on something that we desperately,
00:08:25 --> 00:08:30 you've already said it, but that we desperately need to talk about is this perception,
00:08:30 --> 00:08:32 of what men should be and shouldn't be.
00:08:32 --> 00:08:35 And Natasha and I talk about that from time to time. We've had episodes where
00:08:35 --> 00:08:39 we've talked about that and about kind of the unfairness, that stigma.
00:08:39 --> 00:08:44 Forget about the stigma of mental health, but the stigma of what a guy has to be like.
00:08:44 --> 00:08:48 Just the, you know, strengths, handle things, push through, don't complain,
00:08:49 --> 00:08:53 don't be a burden, you know, keep silent, push on, all that. But.
00:08:55 --> 00:09:01 You guys had such a unique perspective because you lost your brother and you
00:09:01 --> 00:09:05 lost your brother in such a catastrophic and traumatic way.
00:09:06 --> 00:09:07 And you didn't have a shot at
00:09:07 --> 00:09:12 hiding that pain. There was no way that you were going to hide that pain.
00:09:12 --> 00:09:20 So you're recycling it. And I just love the fact that you're young, youngish.
00:09:20 --> 00:09:22 I mean, you're full grown men, but you're,
00:09:22 --> 00:09:26 you know, you're in a different generation than the two of us are in.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:30 And so you have people's ear in a different way and you can validate things
00:09:30 --> 00:09:36 in a different way than maybe someone your dad's age or your grandfather's age
00:09:36 --> 00:09:39 can because you're living in a world that's changing so,
00:09:40 --> 00:09:44 rapidly in terms of what's okay to talk about and what's not.
00:09:44 --> 00:09:48 Even when I was your age, nobody was talking about the stuff we're talking about today.
00:09:49 --> 00:09:53 Absolutely nobody. Not grief, not loss, certainly not suicide,
00:09:53 --> 00:09:57 absolutely not mental illness, any of the depression, any of that stuff.
00:09:58 --> 00:10:03 And I love the fact that you're doing that because you're opening the door for
00:10:03 --> 00:10:06 so many of these conversations with your peers, with people who look at you
00:10:06 --> 00:10:10 and look up to you and see themselves in you.
00:10:12 --> 00:10:16 I think I want to ask now, now that Sam is gone and you've been living with
00:10:16 --> 00:10:18 this for a handful of years,
00:10:18 --> 00:10:22 how did losing him change the way you two, I know you have a bigger family and
00:10:22 --> 00:10:26 you have other siblings, you have four other siblings, but how did it change
00:10:26 --> 00:10:29 the way that you two talk to each other about your mental health?
00:10:30 --> 00:10:35 I think it i think it opened it up a lot more i think we we went to therapy
00:10:35 --> 00:10:39 actually together a lot right after losing sam like me,
00:10:40 --> 00:10:45 we had our own individual two of you just the two of us two of us like we had
00:10:45 --> 00:10:49 our own individual sessions sometimes but a lot of sessions i like i remember like,
00:10:50 --> 00:10:57 it was together and learning some of this what it like processing grief or like what grief was,
00:10:57 --> 00:11:01 and processing emotions like what that looks like and so I think,
00:11:02 --> 00:11:08 losing Sam has taught us to be more open with the pain and be more,
00:11:09 --> 00:11:15 Like, knowing what that can look like, even if they might be masking it through
00:11:15 --> 00:11:18 whatever humor or different ways.
00:11:18 --> 00:11:21 And so I think, yeah, I think it just opened up communication a little bit.
00:11:22 --> 00:11:27 Yeah, communication's definitely a lot better. And we're just more real about the pain.
00:11:28 --> 00:11:34 We're not, I don't think we're super scared to tell each other about the struggle.
00:11:34 --> 00:11:38 And I think that's because of what we've been through. Yeah.
00:11:40 --> 00:11:44 It's too it takes up too much energy to hide it,
00:11:45 --> 00:11:49 yeah it's kind of like came to the realization that it was it was more,
00:11:50 --> 00:11:55 taxing on your body and your you know physically and mentally and even your
00:11:56 --> 00:11:58 in your spirit to to hide it,
00:11:59 --> 00:12:03 yeah and especially when you know in the case of me where it was just loss after
00:12:03 --> 00:12:08 loss after loss i just was done i just couldn't do it anymore it's like look
00:12:08 --> 00:12:09 if you if you can't handle,
00:12:10 --> 00:12:15 the grief then you don't deserve to be in my life because i'm done hiding it,
00:12:16 --> 00:12:23 i like i like how you put that it's it's exhausting to try to hide that i relate to that a lot,
00:12:24 --> 00:12:28 i think that's one of the things i've learned throughout this too is like just
00:12:28 --> 00:12:32 telling up front what it feels like or telling up front what,
00:12:33 --> 00:12:36 what you're you might be going through because it's exhausting to not or to
00:12:36 --> 00:12:40 try to hide that or try to be fake about it.
00:12:40 --> 00:12:45 And I honestly, I think it's a lot of times it's brought more joy into my life
00:12:45 --> 00:12:48 because I'm not trying to hide behind that.
00:12:49 --> 00:12:54 Like they see both sides of it and they see me feel that pain or feel whatever,
00:12:55 --> 00:13:00 but they all like it's easier for me to seem more joyful as well.
00:13:01 --> 00:13:05 You know what that just made me think of? I bet it also gives them a lot of
00:13:05 --> 00:13:09 permission to feel the same things and let people see that they're feeling the same things.
00:13:09 --> 00:13:15 Because to see that you guys are allowing yourselves to own it and put it out
00:13:15 --> 00:13:19 there and not bury it or pretend it's not there,
00:13:20 --> 00:13:24 that's incredibly empowering for the people around you who might be holding
00:13:24 --> 00:13:27 on to the same stuff. Like Sam was your brother.
00:13:28 --> 00:13:31 Sam had friends. Sam had cousins. Sam had parents.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:35 You know, there are so many other people who are also feeling that loss.
00:13:35 --> 00:13:38 It's not just the immediate family. There's a huge ripple effect.
00:13:38 --> 00:13:44 And it's so powerful that you guys are doing that and being transparent and
00:13:44 --> 00:13:47 being like, look, we're showing up as we are.
00:13:47 --> 00:13:51 This is a hard, shitty, terrible thing.
00:13:51 --> 00:13:54 And there will be some element of grief in our lives because of it forever.
00:13:54 --> 00:13:59 And that is the truth. And we're not going to pretend it's otherwise.
00:13:59 --> 00:14:05 So I think that it speaks volumes about you too, that that's how you're approaching
00:14:05 --> 00:14:10 all this, by just being honest about what you've been through because you know
00:14:10 --> 00:14:14 how many other people are out there navigating this kind of loss.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:19 I mean, you guys are on social media. You have a very large presence.
00:14:19 --> 00:14:20 You hear from a lot of people.
00:14:21 --> 00:14:27 Just imagine the people that you don't hear from who are impacted by everything
00:14:27 --> 00:14:29 that you're doing and everything that we're doing.
00:14:29 --> 00:14:31 So the ripple effect is large.
00:14:33 --> 00:14:39 You guys talk a lot about shame. You felt shame after he passed.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:43 And with your grief, can you guys expand on that more deeply?
00:14:44 --> 00:14:48 Yeah, for our shame or his shame? Or like Sam's shame? Both.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:54 I think it was tied to his OCD, how he obsessed over things.
00:14:55 --> 00:15:00 But the shame that he felt like he wasn't...
00:15:01 --> 00:15:05 With the depression he was going through, like the darkness,
00:15:05 --> 00:15:11 I feel like the shame grew a lot because he felt like he needed to be someone.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:16 He felt like he needed to be not struggling with mental health in order to do
00:15:16 --> 00:15:18 the things he wanted to do.
00:15:18 --> 00:15:26 And that shame increased there also i think he made mistakes or things that
00:15:26 --> 00:15:28 he regretted that are normal,
00:15:29 --> 00:15:33 human mistakes or things that we would regret and he,
00:15:33 --> 00:15:39 put so much power towards those thoughts like he couldn't forgive himself or
00:15:39 --> 00:15:44 he couldn't move forward with those regrets or he couldn't let them go so shame,
00:15:45 --> 00:15:46 increased there but both,
00:15:47 --> 00:15:49 both of those.
00:15:50 --> 00:15:56 Kind of fed his shame the depression and not feeling like he could be enough
00:15:56 --> 00:15:58 like i think a big thing was like,
00:15:59 --> 00:16:06 not believing or not even seeing how he could be a father a husband a person that held a job,
00:16:07 --> 00:16:12 consistently or how could he not go on a mission because my brothers went but
00:16:12 --> 00:16:16 i could never do that he would obsess over those thoughts and then,
00:16:17 --> 00:16:21 obsess over mistakes or regrets that he had and,
00:16:22 --> 00:16:25 yeah what would you add yeah that's what that's what we always talk about like.
00:16:27 --> 00:16:32 You tell the youth or tell people like you, you are not like mistakes that you made.
00:16:32 --> 00:16:37 And a lot of these things that you are ruminating over, it's like,
00:16:37 --> 00:16:42 dude, a lot of times you just have to laugh it off and forgive,
00:16:42 --> 00:16:45 especially if we built this habit of beating ourselves up.
00:16:45 --> 00:16:51 Like I relate to Sam in a lot of this way of like constantly,
00:16:51 --> 00:16:59 beating myself up for just feeling like I'm always messing up or always not
00:16:59 --> 00:17:04 as good as I should be and comparing myself to just the unrealistic standard. And we're human.
00:17:05 --> 00:17:10 We can make mistakes. We could forgive ourselves.
00:17:10 --> 00:17:13 We could ask for forgiveness, whatever we need to do.
00:17:13 --> 00:17:17 But you are not your mistakes.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:25 You are not the struggle that you like you've struggled with and yet it's very hard to see,
00:17:26 --> 00:17:32 that shame lies to you in such a way and tells you to hide and tells you to
00:17:32 --> 00:17:34 that you're the only one that struggles with this,
00:17:35 --> 00:17:39 that you're the only one that is this messed up and maybe your audience doesn't
00:17:39 --> 00:17:44 believe this but like just we believe a lot of these lies and the devil or satan
00:17:44 --> 00:17:46 or lucifer or whatever you believe,
00:17:47 --> 00:17:52 tells you that you are these things and that there's no way out. There's...
00:17:53 --> 00:17:58 You're trapped like you like you're not good enough for this and unfortunately,
00:17:59 --> 00:18:03 that's that's the lies and we hope to continue to break down those lies but.
00:18:04 --> 00:18:09 We we've learned that shame is killed with connection and shame is killed with,
00:18:10 --> 00:18:14 talking about it bringing things to light and that's what we will continue to
00:18:14 --> 00:18:18 do we and to hit the other side like me and jake,
00:18:18 --> 00:18:25 have dealt with a lot of shame in some ways like sam with like societal or church
00:18:25 --> 00:18:28 standards growing up with habits that we've,
00:18:28 --> 00:18:35 wanted to kick and just talking to ourself in such a horrible way,
00:18:35 --> 00:18:40 and believing the lies of that we're we're weak we're,
00:18:41 --> 00:18:47 we're not good enough for this and why are so many other people better i can't
00:18:47 --> 00:18:51 do this like we believed all those things at one point but through these things
00:18:51 --> 00:18:55 talking about it connecting knowing that we're not alone,
00:18:56 --> 00:19:01 and that we don't have to believe the lies like it's one step forward like these
00:19:01 --> 00:19:06 things are not healing your shame it's not this huge big event i've i've learned,
00:19:06 --> 00:19:08 it's it's the little steps every day,
00:19:09 --> 00:19:11 just chipping chipping away at.
00:19:12 --> 00:19:20 It isn't it amazing how isolating shame and grief and loss and and so many of
00:19:20 --> 00:19:23 these things depression mental illness can be but the irony is,
00:19:24 --> 00:19:30 that you talk to anybody and almost anybody is going to tell you that they have
00:19:30 --> 00:19:31 an issue with one of those things,
00:19:32 --> 00:19:39 And I love what you just said and how you just said it about the power of connection because,
00:19:40 --> 00:19:42 when, and this goes back to something we talked about a few minutes ago,
00:19:42 --> 00:19:48 when you see yourself or your situation or your trauma or your grief on someone
00:19:48 --> 00:19:51 else and they're being vocal about it.
00:19:52 --> 00:19:59 It's a bridge. It connects you to that person and gives you that feeling that,
00:19:59 --> 00:20:00 oh, God, it's not just me.
00:20:01 --> 00:20:06 It isn't just me. And maybe something isn't wrong with me or maybe I'm not less
00:20:06 --> 00:20:09 than. And look, it's hard. It's hard to navigate.
00:20:10 --> 00:20:14 It's hard to navigate life on a good day, guys. It really is. It's hard.
00:20:14 --> 00:20:18 And when you stack up a bunch of losses and when you stack up the kind of losses
00:20:18 --> 00:20:24 that we have all had, it just makes things incredibly challenging.
00:20:24 --> 00:20:27 And I give you both so much credit.
00:20:28 --> 00:20:34 Taking this loss, which will always be a loss, but you're doing something so powerful with it.
00:20:34 --> 00:20:37 And I'm not just talking about the mental health advocacy work.
00:20:37 --> 00:20:40 I'm talking about the whole big picture. I'm talking about you guys being,
00:20:40 --> 00:20:44 like I said earlier, young guys talking about it's okay to go to therapy.
00:20:44 --> 00:20:48 It's okay to cry. It's okay to talk about your person. It's okay to be frustrated.
00:20:48 --> 00:20:52 It's okay to be unsure of yourselves.
00:20:53 --> 00:20:57 You know, I mean, you guys are more than six years out now from losing Sam.
00:20:57 --> 00:21:04 And we've said this a couple of times today that grief doesn't end, it changes.
00:21:04 --> 00:21:07 And we learn how to carry it in different ways. What does your grief,
00:21:07 --> 00:21:12 and this is for whoever, maybe both of you, what does your grief look like today,
00:21:13 --> 00:21:18 compared with those first few weeks or months after Sam died?
00:21:19 --> 00:21:22 Hey, it's Lisa Sugarman, co-host of The Survivors and founder of The Help Hub.
00:21:23 --> 00:21:27 If you're listening right now and you're not okay, If you're feeling overwhelmed,
00:21:28 --> 00:21:32 stuck, or like you're carrying more than you can handle, please know you don't
00:21:32 --> 00:21:33 have to go through it alone.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:40 You can call or text 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org to connect with trained
00:21:40 --> 00:21:44 counselors like me who are there to listen and support you in the moment.
00:21:44 --> 00:21:48 Reaching out is a brave first step, and you owe it to yourself.
00:21:48 --> 00:21:55 Because your life matters, your story matters, and help is always just three numbers away.
00:21:57 --> 00:22:04 I think today it's missing him in the new moments with nieces and nephews,
00:22:04 --> 00:22:11 with relationships, with new business things that we have because of him.
00:22:12 --> 00:22:21 I think it's still hearing a song that makes us cry that we would love together
00:22:21 --> 00:22:25 with Sam. Watching a movie always brings emotions.
00:22:27 --> 00:22:31 And talking about him. Remembering him is how I grieve a lot.
00:22:33 --> 00:22:43 Because back then it was very fresh. It was a lot of anger, betrayal, sadness.
00:22:44 --> 00:22:50 But today it's through those moments of listening to music, watching a movie,
00:22:51 --> 00:22:57 new experiences, is just thinking on him, like how my life would be different
00:22:57 --> 00:23:05 if he were here, if he got to see who I was today. What would he think?
00:23:06 --> 00:23:12 How would we be together if he was here? How would we be navigating life?
00:23:12 --> 00:23:15 How much easier would it be if he was here?
00:23:15 --> 00:23:20 I think that's where grief shows up for me. Yeah, I think sometimes now,
00:23:20 --> 00:23:28 a couple years past, Like, sometimes it shows up and, like, smiling,
00:23:28 --> 00:23:30 like, oh, Sam would really love that, or...
00:23:32 --> 00:23:37 More maybe happy tears of like thinking about sam and sometimes have you
00:23:38 --> 00:23:43 if you guys have seen iron claw one of our favorite movies with like zach efron
00:23:43 --> 00:23:47 and the true story of the wrestling family that yeah i cried so hard,
00:23:48 --> 00:23:51 it was a blind side i don't even know what it was about but now it's like a
00:23:51 --> 00:23:55 movie i i watch often to just ball my eyes out,
00:23:56 --> 00:24:01 and at the end where zach efron why and he won an Oscar but he's holding his
00:24:01 --> 00:24:05 two little boys he's like I used to be a brother and,
00:24:06 --> 00:24:13 that part hit me it hits us every time and sometimes the grief is like happy
00:24:13 --> 00:24:17 and like oh Sam would have loved that and sometimes it's just as fresh,
00:24:18 --> 00:24:24 as 2020 and when he like I could feel that freshness in moments like Jake said
00:24:24 --> 00:24:29 like crying in the car movies like that Thinking about,
00:24:30 --> 00:24:34 what life is it now that he's gone.
00:24:34 --> 00:24:40 It's a little bit of both. Yeah. Or a sound or a smell.
00:24:41 --> 00:24:46 It's the craziest things that bring them back in the present moment.
00:24:48 --> 00:24:49 Do you guys experience that too?
00:24:50 --> 00:24:55 Or something that they loved? Yes, it's like something they loved or sound, yeah.
00:24:55 --> 00:25:01 Right. So Corey took his life the week before Thanksgiving and we had just had
00:25:01 --> 00:25:06 a family meeting about who was bringing what to Thanksgiving and Corey was going
00:25:06 --> 00:25:07 to bring green bean casserole.
00:25:08 --> 00:25:12 So now, every Thanksgiving, green bean casserole, that's like,
00:25:13 --> 00:25:16 it's not green bean casserole anymore, it's quarry casserole. Yeah.
00:25:18 --> 00:25:21 But those traditions, they just happen organically like that.
00:25:22 --> 00:25:24 We're talking about Thanksgiving, and I'm actually getting a little choked up
00:25:24 --> 00:25:27 because we lost my mother-in-law.
00:25:27 --> 00:25:31 She passed away of Alzheimer's this winter, and Thanksgiving,
00:25:31 --> 00:25:36 she was a caterer back in the day. And my mother-in-law could cook for 200 people.
00:25:37 --> 00:25:41 With half an arm tied behind her back. She was just like that.
00:25:41 --> 00:25:44 And Thanksgiving was her holiday.
00:25:45 --> 00:25:49 And so we are all anticipating that.
00:25:50 --> 00:25:53 And no idea what kinds of new traditions will come.
00:25:53 --> 00:25:58 But bittersweet, all I can say is the whole thing, every bit of it,
00:25:58 --> 00:26:05 is bittersweet all the time. And I know that that's a really hard way for all of us to exist.
00:26:06 --> 00:26:14 It's life. It's life. And, you know, I would trade everything and anything to have my people back.
00:26:15 --> 00:26:20 But in the absence of that, I wouldn't touch my grief. I wouldn't give away
00:26:20 --> 00:26:22 an ounce of the grief that I have.
00:26:22 --> 00:26:27 Because that grief is just love recycled for me. That's just how I feel about
00:26:27 --> 00:26:30 it. And some days when, you know, you have a grief attack and you're,
00:26:30 --> 00:26:34 you know, like Joe, like you said, watching the movie or, you know,
00:26:34 --> 00:26:37 Natasha, eat the green bean casserole and you're all of a sudden sobbing in your plate.
00:26:38 --> 00:26:43 I wouldn't change that because it's in, do you guys feel this way in those moments
00:26:43 --> 00:26:44 where you're just inconsolable?
00:26:45 --> 00:26:47 Do you feel closer to your people? I do.
00:26:48 --> 00:26:51 Do you feel that way when you're really affected? I think so. Yeah.
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53 I guess I'm torn. Yeah.
00:26:55 --> 00:26:56 I don't know.
00:26:58 --> 00:27:02 Mine is so overwhelming. Yeah, yeah. The amount of grief.
00:27:02 --> 00:27:06 Way more than your share, honey. Because when I think about one,
00:27:07 --> 00:27:08 then I think about them all.
00:27:08 --> 00:27:12 Yeah. And so I have a different relationship with grief.
00:27:13 --> 00:27:19 Yeah. There's a lot of anger there still because it affects my life so much every day. Yeah.
00:27:20 --> 00:27:23 So I don't think I'm the appropriate person to ask. Well, that's okay.
00:27:23 --> 00:27:26 But you know what? you weighed in with something that's incredibly valid.
00:27:26 --> 00:27:31 Like that's a valid, you have had an incomprehensible amount of loss and there
00:27:31 --> 00:27:35 is no way to know how that affects you. And the way it affects you now may not
00:27:35 --> 00:27:37 be the way it affects you next year or in five years, who knows?
00:27:38 --> 00:27:42 But, you know, I love, once again, I just love that you're honest about it.
00:27:42 --> 00:27:46 Well, I hope that it gets easier with time.
00:27:46 --> 00:27:50 I know that, you know, we had the 18-year gap between the deaths,
00:27:50 --> 00:27:55 and then we've lost four of them in five months, and then again,
00:27:55 --> 00:28:00 the most recent was 18 months ago. So it's just, it's a never-ending wound that can't heal.
00:28:01 --> 00:28:07 So I'm hoping that if we can get some distance, some time, and hope to God we don't have any more.
00:28:10 --> 00:28:13 The weight will start to lift. That's all I can hope for.
00:28:15 --> 00:28:22 We all hope the same. We all hope the same. So, guys, as we kind of start toward
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25 wrapping up our time together, tell me this.
00:28:25 --> 00:28:28 And I want to talk about guys. Obviously, this applies to men and women.
00:28:28 --> 00:28:31 But we're talking to you, too.
00:28:31 --> 00:28:33 And we're talking about your brother, talking about Sam.
00:28:34 --> 00:28:38 For the guy who's out there who's struggling, who's hearing this conversation right now,
00:28:40 --> 00:28:45 Maybe they're seeing some of Sam's story in themselves.
00:28:46 --> 00:28:53 Maybe this person is depressed. Maybe they're overwhelmed by anxiety or OCD, shame, whatever it is.
00:28:53 --> 00:28:58 What do you want that person to hear from you today?
00:28:59 --> 00:29:02 I would say you're not alone.
00:29:03 --> 00:29:07 We talked about it a lot today, how isolating it could feel,
00:29:08 --> 00:29:12 especially as a man maybe with the standards,
00:29:12 --> 00:29:17 with who you're supposed to be and all the pressure i think we feel like we're
00:29:17 --> 00:29:23 alone in a lot of it and i think that's the first thing i would say is that you're not alone and uh.
00:29:25 --> 00:29:31 There's some sitting with them through the pain i i think i've learned that
00:29:31 --> 00:29:35 a lot is showing up in the pain with them like my,
00:29:37 --> 00:29:44 my biggest example is like jesus he wept with i think he's lazarus lazarus or
00:29:44 --> 00:29:46 something yeah who just lost someone like it's not,
00:29:47 --> 00:29:53 telling to hey just get over it but It's being with someone in the pain.
00:29:54 --> 00:30:02 I think that's what I would tell someone. Yeah, I would tell them that they're
00:30:02 --> 00:30:04 unique in their own way for a reason.
00:30:06 --> 00:30:09 You're the only you, and it's supposed to be that way.
00:30:10 --> 00:30:14 You're needed here because of that. Each of us has a purpose.
00:30:15 --> 00:30:25 Each of us can touch the lives of others. and I think it's too often forgot how much we're needed.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:32 In a sad case, like Sam or anyone that has lost someone to mental health,
00:30:33 --> 00:30:37 they know after how much someone has affected their lives.
00:30:37 --> 00:30:40 But I would tell them how much they're affecting people right now,
00:30:41 --> 00:30:42 how much they're needed.
00:30:43 --> 00:30:47 And it's just like piggybacking off of Joe, I think with grief,
00:30:47 --> 00:30:52 But also with people that are struggling right now with their mental health, it's okay.
00:30:52 --> 00:30:59 And it's actually, I think, needed to feel the hard times, to feel the hard
00:30:59 --> 00:31:03 emotions, to feel the things that we avoid. I think it's needed.
00:31:03 --> 00:31:05 Feel the anxiety that we feel.
00:31:06 --> 00:31:11 And I struggle with that a lot. But like feeling the things that we avoid, feeling the grief.
00:31:11 --> 00:31:18 I think grief and hard things aren't healed by just positive thinking a lot of the times I think it's.
00:31:20 --> 00:31:26 Feeling the darkness feeling the pain i think that's how we begin to heal so don't be afraid,
00:31:27 --> 00:31:34 to to struggle because that's that's what's making you human that's what's helping
00:31:34 --> 00:31:37 you heal and i i like it because your guys podcast is,
00:31:37 --> 00:31:42 we're all survivors and we're all struggling with our own thing and i think
00:31:42 --> 00:31:48 that's powerful and it's like what jake said like feel that i love and appreciate
00:31:48 --> 00:31:50 every word that just came out of both of your mouths.
00:31:50 --> 00:31:58 And I think it's so important for people to hear that, especially men in your generation.
00:31:59 --> 00:32:02 I have one last question for you. For the brother or the sister,
00:32:03 --> 00:32:08 who was left behind in the same situation that you were in, what would you say
00:32:08 --> 00:32:12 to a sibling listening to this conversation who just lost,
00:32:12 --> 00:32:19 their brother or sister to suicide, who is where you were on March 13th of 2020 when you lost Sam.
00:32:19 --> 00:32:25 Somebody who absolutely can't possibly imagine living another day or week or
00:32:25 --> 00:32:27 years without their person.
00:32:27 --> 00:32:34 What do you wish somebody had told you then that you can tell somebody now? Don't be alone.
00:32:36 --> 00:32:42 When that darkness is speaking to you on such a deep emotional level, don't be alone,
00:32:43 --> 00:32:49 spend time with your family your friends because it's in those moments of alone,
00:32:50 --> 00:32:54 of being by yourself that it really takes grip and I know for me when I've struggled
00:32:54 --> 00:32:57 if I can rip myself out of that and.
00:32:59 --> 00:33:02 Just say, hey, you know what? I am not doing good. Can I come stay with you?
00:33:02 --> 00:33:05 I went and stayed with friends of mine for a week.
00:33:06 --> 00:33:08 And it made all the difference in the world for me.
00:33:10 --> 00:33:15 What about you guys? Yeah. That's exactly kind of what I was thinking is I would
00:33:15 --> 00:33:23 tell myself back then and someone that just is in this indescribable pain right now.
00:33:24 --> 00:33:28 It was like there's no way out and that there's no,
00:33:29 --> 00:33:34 there's no light in life right now from where I was at and where you guys might
00:33:34 --> 00:33:41 be at right now like there's very little hope with just and so much confusion so I'd say,
00:33:42 --> 00:33:49 be with the people that love you and be with your family go stay with a friend go stay,
00:33:49 --> 00:33:56 and that's what our family did was we got all closer together and we we had
00:33:56 --> 00:33:58 to rely on each other because we hadn't,
00:33:59 --> 00:34:06 After the funeral, it's mainly just your immediate family that is just like shit.
00:34:07 --> 00:34:11 It's just you guys, and you guys are living through that day-to-day and figuring
00:34:11 --> 00:34:13 that out, so rely on that.
00:34:14 --> 00:34:21 Yeah, I think that's a perfect answer. Natasha and Joe is find people that you
00:34:21 --> 00:34:23 can grieve with. It really does make the difference.
00:34:23 --> 00:34:30 And i would say find the small ways to take care of yourself to love yourself
00:34:30 --> 00:34:35 during this darkness i think that's huge it brings hope and it brings,
00:34:35 --> 00:34:42 light and remember them find ways to remember them i think those two i would
00:34:42 --> 00:34:47 add is learn to take care of yourself and love yourself during the dark times because it's so hard,
00:34:48 --> 00:34:53 to love yourself during those dark times and be around people yeah and honor that.
00:34:54 --> 00:35:02 I love that i love that and and you have honored sam in the most spectacular ways,
00:35:03 --> 00:35:08 with your advocacy and your mental health awareness work everything that you're
00:35:08 --> 00:35:10 doing and putting out there so as we,
00:35:11 --> 00:35:15 wrap up this this conversation which i'm so grateful that we could have before
00:35:15 --> 00:35:22 we let you guys go you guys as we've talked about are also So your trainers,
00:35:23 --> 00:35:25 your fitness, I know you hate the word influencer.
00:35:25 --> 00:35:28 I'm going to say it anyway. Don't be mad. Content creators.
00:35:28 --> 00:35:32 Fine. Thank you. Your content creators in the mental health space and in the
00:35:32 --> 00:35:36 fitness space and your handle everywhere is JDuoFit.
00:35:37 --> 00:35:39 But where can people find you if
00:35:39 --> 00:35:45 they want to reach out to you about your experience with Sam or about your,
00:35:46 --> 00:35:53 fitness platform and coaching and all the work that you do, I know, on mindset.
00:35:54 --> 00:35:58 Where can people go to follow you and deep dive into your story?
00:35:59 --> 00:36:03 Tell us everything. You can find everything on Instagram.
00:36:04 --> 00:36:10 You can find all of our mental health advocacy and just that on Instagram and
00:36:10 --> 00:36:15 TikTok, all J-Duelfit. Like you said, Facebook is Joe Sharp and Jake Sharp.
00:36:15 --> 00:36:17 We both have personal pages.
00:36:17 --> 00:36:21 But in our bio, there's a link.
00:36:21 --> 00:36:27 And if you're looking for more like group setting, we have a free group that
00:36:27 --> 00:36:32 we talk about mental health and fitness and shame and binge eating or overeating.
00:36:33 --> 00:36:38 And you can find we do a podcast to help people on that journey of figuring
00:36:38 --> 00:36:41 out a lifestyle around nutrition and fitness.
00:36:41 --> 00:36:44 But yeah, you can find everything on Instagram and you can DM us.
00:36:44 --> 00:36:49 We get DMs every day and we contact like we're connected with everyone.
00:36:51 --> 00:36:54 Yeah, that's how we got in contact. And you guys were fantastic.
00:36:54 --> 00:37:00 You got back to me right away and super easy to connect with and super responsive. So yeah.
00:37:01 --> 00:37:06 Do that, people, because they will respond to you. They are those guys who will respond to you.
00:37:06 --> 00:37:09 Guys, I don't even know what to say. I just want to hug both of you,
00:37:09 --> 00:37:13 but I really would rather do it if Jake put the Michael Jackson jacket back on. Exactly.
00:37:15 --> 00:37:17 Or we can all watch Ironclaw together and just sobriety. Fine,
00:37:18 --> 00:37:22 fine. Whatever it is, if I get to hang with you guys and hug you, that would be a dream.
00:37:23 --> 00:37:25 Where are you guys in the world? Where are you based in the world?
00:37:26 --> 00:37:30 We're in Arizona. Okay. The Valley, like Mesa, Gilbert area.
00:37:30 --> 00:37:33 Great. All right. Well, I'm hitting you up as soon as I come to Mesa,
00:37:33 --> 00:37:35 Arizona. And where are you guys at?
00:37:36 --> 00:37:40 I'm in Boston. And I am in eastern, southeastern Virginia.
00:37:40 --> 00:37:48 Sweet. Have you guys always been in the east? No, I actually was raised in Utah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:49 --> 00:37:52 Yeah. I was born in California. I was born in LA, but my parents were already
00:37:52 --> 00:37:55 back here in Boston pretty much immediately after. So I'm an east coast girl
00:37:55 --> 00:37:58 all the way. Awesome. Yeah, yeah.
00:37:58 --> 00:38:02 Guys, thank you for sharing your story, for trusting us. We know that it's hard.
00:38:03 --> 00:38:08 It never gets easier in certain ways. And I just want to say your brother's
00:38:08 --> 00:38:12 name. Sam Sharp is now someone who I feel like I know.
00:38:12 --> 00:38:18 And Sam Sharp was an absolutely beautiful human being. And you guys are just
00:38:18 --> 00:38:22 doing an amazing job carrying on his legacy and doing all this incredible work,
00:38:23 --> 00:38:25 in your name and in his name.
00:38:26 --> 00:38:30 And I love and appreciate what you're doing because his life was so much bigger,
00:38:31 --> 00:38:32 than the way that he died.
00:38:32 --> 00:38:38 And you are showing that every single day. So thank you for doing what you do
00:38:38 --> 00:38:42 and for turning something, recycling something that,
00:38:44 --> 00:38:47 was a horrible thing into something that will hopefully be a guiding light for
00:38:47 --> 00:38:50 other people. So we appreciate you both, really do.
00:38:51 --> 00:38:55 We know this could help a lot of people. Thank you for having me so much again. Thanks.
00:38:55 --> 00:39:00 Our pleasure. So we will be back next week. It is Suicide Prevention Month.
00:39:00 --> 00:39:04 Can't imagine kicking it off with better humans than you two.
00:39:04 --> 00:39:06 We will be back to talk about so
00:39:06 --> 00:39:10 many other aspects of Suicide Prevention Month. We'll be back next week.
00:39:10 --> 00:39:15 In the meantime, the drill is always the same. keep surviving friends. We'll see you soon.
00:39:16 --> 00:39:20 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of the Survivors community.
00:39:20 --> 00:39:24 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone and you're definitely
00:39:24 --> 00:39:28 not broken. Healing takes time and it looks different for everyone.
00:39:29 --> 00:39:33 The fact that you're still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:39:34 --> 00:39:38 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:39:38 --> 00:39:39 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:39:40 --> 00:39:44 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:39:45 --> 00:39:48 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember,
00:39:48 --> 00:39:49 help is always out there.
00:39:49 --> 00:39:54 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:39:54 --> 00:39:58 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:39:58 --> 00:40:01 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:40:02 --> 00:40:05 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:40:05 --> 00:40:09 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:40:09 --> 00:40:14 Until then, take care of yourself and your people and keep surviving.