*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide, sexual abuse, domestic violence & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
After 10 years in an abusive relationship, Beany Trapani found the strength to get out, start over, and rebuild a life that felt like her own again. But what happened next was something she never expected: she began sharing her story online, her content went viral, and thousands of women started seeing their own experiences reflected in hers.
In this episode of The Survivors, Beany opens up about what it took to finally leave, how she rebuilt her confidence and identity, and how telling the truth about what she survived transformed her into a social media influencer and advocate helping women break trauma bonds, recognize abuse, and find their way back to themselves.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Takeaways
- Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of background or strength.
- Recognizing the cycle of abuse and trauma bonds is crucial for breaking free.
- Social media can be a powerful tool for awareness and support.
- Healing is possible through self-awareness, support, and advocacy.
- Sharing your story can empower others and create change.
Chapters
00:00 - The turning point: cancer diagnosis and escape 01:55 - The power of social media in her advocacy 07:00 - Helping other women and spreading awareness 15:01 - How to find support and take the first step 25:02 - The importance of resilience and purpose 36:22 - Closing thoughts and message of hope
Mental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
- Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss (Familius Books)
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
- Beany Trapani on TikTok
- Beany Trapani on Instagram
- YouTube Channel - Breakthroughs with Beany
Follow & Connect With Us
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🎵📱TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thesurvivorspodcast
See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:08 Our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:08 --> 00:00:12 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:12 --> 00:00:17 This is The Survivors, real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:17 --> 00:00:20 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:24 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:28 This episode includes a conversation about domestic abuse and may be difficult
00:00:28 --> 00:00:30 or triggering for some listeners.
00:00:30 --> 00:00:33 So please take care of yourself and step away if you need to.
00:00:34 --> 00:00:38 Last week, Bini Trapani shared how she escaped a 10-year abusive relationship
00:00:38 --> 00:00:40 and began rebuilding her life.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:44 Today, we pick up where we left off and we talk about the challenges,
00:00:44 --> 00:00:48 breakthroughs, and unexpected diagnosis that came next.
00:00:50 --> 00:00:56 Yeah, you know, eventually I was very afraid that he was going to kill me.
00:00:56 --> 00:01:01 And that fear of staying kind of outweighed my fear of leaving.
00:01:02 --> 00:01:07 And then in March of 2021, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
00:01:08 --> 00:01:13 And that was what kind of interrupted the entire cycle for me.
00:01:14 --> 00:01:19 And, you know, at the time, the relationship had been increasingly dangerous
00:01:19 --> 00:01:24 and the manipulation and the abuse had, you know, it had always been there.
00:01:24 --> 00:01:30 But over time, the consequences for resisting him became more extreme and they
00:01:30 --> 00:01:31 were happening more often.
00:01:32 --> 00:01:36 And and now you know like i said before it's important to know that he was a
00:01:36 --> 00:01:39 black belt in jujitsu like you know he would,
00:01:40 --> 00:01:44 strangle me he need me in the stomach he pushed me into furniture he threw drinks
00:01:44 --> 00:01:49 him you know in my face and he spit at me and he lay in wait behind doors,
00:01:49 --> 00:01:55 he broke into my home and he attacked me you know while i laid in bed he chased
00:01:55 --> 00:01:58 me down in cars he you know he threatened to harm my kids, my family,
00:01:58 --> 00:02:01 you know, all, all of that.
00:02:01 --> 00:02:06 And I remember, you know, I was fighting for my life on a daily basis,
00:02:08 --> 00:02:09 but I had a routine mammogram.
00:02:09 --> 00:02:15 And I remember getting the notification in the mail saying, Hey,
00:02:15 --> 00:02:17 you know, you have an abnormal mammogram.
00:02:18 --> 00:02:19 And I was like.
00:02:20 --> 00:02:24 I don't have time for that. Like, I'm over here fighting for my life on a daily
00:02:24 --> 00:02:26 basis. I'm not going to ignore that.
00:02:27 --> 00:02:33 And ultimately, you know, nine months later, I got another notification saying,
00:02:33 --> 00:02:36 hey, you better, you know, you should probably take care of this.
00:02:37 --> 00:02:44 And so, of course, I ended up going in and that cancer diagnosis,
00:02:44 --> 00:02:46 it did a few things for me.
00:02:46 --> 00:02:49 It was like kind of a wake up call.
00:02:49 --> 00:02:55 And it was like kind of me asking about my own, my own mortality,
00:02:55 --> 00:03:00 like, either this cancer is going to kill me, or I'm going to stay here in this
00:03:00 --> 00:03:02 relationship, and he's going to kill me.
00:03:02 --> 00:03:06 Like, what, what are my better chances of surviving?
00:03:07 --> 00:03:13 And I ultimately, you know, I, I chose the cancer. And so I, I left.
00:03:14 --> 00:03:20 And I was making Before I left, though, I was making a lot of like really difficult
00:03:20 --> 00:03:24 medical decisions. And I went to appointments alone because remember,
00:03:24 --> 00:03:27 during this time, I'm completely isolated from my family.
00:03:27 --> 00:03:32 My family is not speaking to me. My friends, my friends are afraid to be around
00:03:32 --> 00:03:36 me because ultimately he would, you know, he would find me. I'd be out with
00:03:36 --> 00:03:39 my friends and he would show up and threaten them.
00:03:39 --> 00:03:44 I'd, you know, be working out in the park with a friend and he was like,
00:03:44 --> 00:03:46 you know, showing up across the grass.
00:03:47 --> 00:03:52 And so I was afraid to be around anybody. So, you know, I'm completely alone.
00:03:52 --> 00:03:59 And I had I had recently rented. This was another one of the times where I had tried to.
00:04:00 --> 00:04:06 Move, move myself away from him. We were, you know, living, living in a different apartment.
00:04:06 --> 00:04:09 And I rented this beautiful apartment in San Diego.
00:04:10 --> 00:04:13 I was almost 50 years old. And it was one of the first major things that I had
00:04:13 --> 00:04:16 ever done entirely on my own.
00:04:16 --> 00:04:20 And I moved myself in the middle of the night in an attempt to have him not
00:04:20 --> 00:04:26 find me. And my plan was, this is going to be from a double mastectomy.
00:04:27 --> 00:04:32 And he found me the day that I moved in and he threatened to kill my children
00:04:32 --> 00:04:34 if I didn't allow him to move in.
00:04:35 --> 00:04:42 And so now instead of, you know, feeling free in that apartment, I am a prisoner and,
00:04:43 --> 00:04:47 you know, there would be a blow up and I'd kick him out, but there would always
00:04:47 --> 00:04:52 be a threat from him that he would, you know, harm somebody that I loved.
00:04:53 --> 00:05:01 And it finally got to a point where I just asked myself like what could I do
00:05:01 --> 00:05:07 to keep the apartment that I had just moved into but get away for a while,
00:05:08 --> 00:05:16 and I thought maybe I could work on a farm or a ranch in exchange for like a temporary place to stay,
00:05:17 --> 00:05:23 and while looking online I came across a woman in Florida who had escaped her
00:05:23 --> 00:05:25 own narcissistic marriage.
00:05:25 --> 00:05:31 And she lived on a little hobby farm in Florida. And I commented on one of her
00:05:31 --> 00:05:33 posts and she responded.
00:05:34 --> 00:05:39 And then she asked if I would take a phone call with her. And in that phone
00:05:39 --> 00:05:42 call, she invited me to visit her for a week.
00:05:43 --> 00:05:48 And so I thought, you know what? Fuck it. I got nothing to lose. I'm going to go.
00:05:49 --> 00:05:53 How much did you tell her? How much did you tell her about what was going on? I told her a lot.
00:05:53 --> 00:05:58 I told her that I was fearful for my life, that I was, yeah, I told her a lot.
00:05:58 --> 00:06:01 I told her about the cancer. I told her that I needed to get away.
00:06:01 --> 00:06:05 I, you know, and I ended up buying
00:06:05 --> 00:06:08 the ticket and I packed for what I told myself would be a short trip.
00:06:09 --> 00:06:12 You know, she said, just stay a week. And, you know, if you decide you want
00:06:12 --> 00:06:15 to stay longer, you're welcome to, but just pack for a week.
00:06:15 --> 00:06:21 And so I shared those plans with almost no one because I had tried to,
00:06:21 --> 00:06:28 I had fled my state multiple times and had always been drawn back. And so.
00:06:29 --> 00:06:33 You know, she picked a stranger, a perfect stranger, picked me up from the airport.
00:06:34 --> 00:06:38 And, you know, crazy that I trust a stranger across the country more than I
00:06:38 --> 00:06:41 trust, you know, a man that I had spent, you know, a decade loving.
00:06:42 --> 00:06:47 Well, that also speaks to what you were dealing with and the fact that you were
00:06:47 --> 00:06:52 at that point probably just so desperate that you were just praying that there
00:06:52 --> 00:06:54 was some goodness left in the world.
00:06:54 --> 00:06:59 And I just want to stop and say, this is something we can all point to,
00:06:59 --> 00:07:02 to say that the internet and social media can be a good thing,
00:07:02 --> 00:07:04 can be a life-saving thing.
00:07:05 --> 00:07:08 What a lifeline that woman gave to you.
00:07:08 --> 00:07:14 I mean, just amazing that there, and there are people that are good and who
00:07:14 --> 00:07:18 care and who want to be there to help other people, especially other people
00:07:18 --> 00:07:22 who have gone through something like what you've gone through.
00:07:22 --> 00:07:28 So, okay, you now are picked up by this total stranger in the airport. Yep, yep.
00:07:30 --> 00:07:33 And, you know, it's funny right now. Like,
00:07:35 --> 00:07:39 I'm actually looking at her house right now. Are you really?
00:07:39 --> 00:07:44 I love that. Are you guys your neighbors? Will you wave to her for us?
00:07:44 --> 00:07:50 Well, she has since moved to Tennessee and has a donkey rescue.
00:07:50 --> 00:07:55 She has a very large presence on social media, but yes, she has a donkey rescue
00:07:55 --> 00:08:01 in Tennessee. So this is, you know, the house that I escaped to is just over there.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:06 Unbelievable. I love that. I got by chills when you said that.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:15 Yeah. So, so yeah, I, I ended up when I got on that plane, I blocked him and,
00:08:16 --> 00:08:21 we never willingly really spoke. I never have willingly really spoke to him again.
00:08:22 --> 00:08:27 And, and I thought I was leaving for a week, but the truth is that I, I never went back.
00:08:28 --> 00:08:33 I, after a week I ended up, they had asked me if I would stay a little bit longer
00:08:33 --> 00:08:36 and watch some of their animals while they went on a road trip.
00:08:37 --> 00:08:39 And so I said, yeah, you know what, I'm not ready to go back.
00:08:39 --> 00:08:44 And it was in that week that, and you might see some of this on my social media,
00:08:44 --> 00:08:46 but I have video of him stalking me.
00:08:47 --> 00:08:52 I have ring camera video of him, you know, peering in my window and wearing
00:08:52 --> 00:08:57 a mask. And so he's doing that while I'm here in Florida and he's losing his
00:08:57 --> 00:09:02 shit because I have blocked him and he has no idea where I am. Good for you.
00:09:02 --> 00:09:06 Good for you. And so, yeah. So then there is all the, you know,
00:09:06 --> 00:09:10 the post separation abuse that is happening. And I am, you know,
00:09:10 --> 00:09:14 ultimately, I'm scared to death. I mean, I'm doing it, but I'm doing it afraid.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:20 You know, every time, you know, he's, you know, I get a no caller ID on my phone.
00:09:20 --> 00:09:24 And, you know, he keeps getting new phone numbers and keeps calling,
00:09:24 --> 00:09:26 you know, all the things.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:31 But, you know, like I said, I never went back, I had a friend pack my car with
00:09:31 --> 00:09:33 everything that she could.
00:09:33 --> 00:09:37 And I had my car shipped to me and I never went home.
00:09:38 --> 00:09:40 And in the interim of that.
00:09:41 --> 00:09:46 I met my now husband. We don't even know him and we love him.
00:09:48 --> 00:09:54 You should. He really is such a great guy. How old were your kids at this point?
00:09:54 --> 00:09:58 Yeah, my kids were older. Yeah, my kids are older.
00:09:58 --> 00:10:01 They're living on their own. Yeah, they're living on their own.
00:10:01 --> 00:10:05 I had one had graduated from college and the other, you know,
00:10:06 --> 00:10:10 living alone. So I don't know. They're, you know, in their early 20s.
00:10:11 --> 00:10:16 So did you call them to let them know, hey, I got out, I'm okay,
00:10:16 --> 00:10:19 I got away? Not right away.
00:10:19 --> 00:10:22 Not right away. My kids at that point, they didn't trust me.
00:10:23 --> 00:10:27 They didn't trust that I would do what I said I was going to do because I had
00:10:27 --> 00:10:32 told them many times, hey, I'm leaving or I'm gone, and then I would always return.
00:10:32 --> 00:10:39 And so this time I waited. I waited until I knew for certain that I was not going back.
00:10:39 --> 00:10:46 And I knew that my words didn't mean as much as they should have meant to my
00:10:46 --> 00:10:48 children and that I needed to show them.
00:10:49 --> 00:10:52 And over the course of the last five years, I've had an opportunity to really
00:10:52 --> 00:10:59 heal that relationship with my kids. And, you know, I talked to my oldest one I talked to every day.
00:10:59 --> 00:11:05 And so it's still a healing process for sure. Like five years later.
00:11:06 --> 00:11:13 I'm still proving myself. I'm still, you know, I'm still seeing the effects of, of that decade.
00:11:13 --> 00:11:15 And you probably will for the rest of your life.
00:11:16 --> 00:11:19 Probably. But it's a pretty significant timeframe.
00:11:20 --> 00:11:25 And it has a lasting impact. You know, I think as survivors, we're all survivors.
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 Pretty traumatic stuff. It's something that we'll deal with for the rest of our lives.
00:11:29 --> 00:11:33 Not to say that, you know, there's not moments of joy and happiness,
00:11:33 --> 00:11:37 but sometimes there's always just a little something there in the background.
00:11:37 --> 00:11:42 Yeah. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And I'm still navigating that.
00:11:42 --> 00:11:46 That keeps us, I think, too, kind of staying the course. The fact that we have
00:11:46 --> 00:11:52 those things in our background and in our history, we don't want history to repeat itself.
00:11:52 --> 00:11:58 So it's there and it's you can still live your life, but it kind of keeps you,
00:11:58 --> 00:12:03 tethered to these memories that you don't want to repeat for sure. Yeah.
00:12:04 --> 00:12:09 Yeah. You know what I want to ask you, Beanie, he was threatening your family.
00:12:09 --> 00:12:11 He was threatening your children and he was threatening your mom, you said.
00:12:12 --> 00:12:15 And then you left and now you're all the way across the country.
00:12:17 --> 00:12:24 Where were you dealing with those? How were you dealing with those threats where
00:12:24 --> 00:12:27 he had made them before and now you've left?
00:12:28 --> 00:12:32 Were you confident that he was just all talk? Did you...
00:12:33 --> 00:12:40 What was that like for you? Yeah. So I was not 100% confident that he was all
00:12:40 --> 00:12:42 talk. I thought he was all talk,
00:12:42 --> 00:12:46 but there were things that he said he would do that he did carry out.
00:12:47 --> 00:12:50 But ultimately, when it came to others, like.
00:12:53 --> 00:12:57 Here, here's, here's the real truth. He's a pussy and he's going to most bullies
00:12:57 --> 00:12:59 are for the record narcissists are yeah,
00:13:00 --> 00:13:05 yeah and ultimately he was going to bully anybody that,
00:13:06 --> 00:13:11 allowed him to bully him and i i finally just got to this point where i was
00:13:11 --> 00:13:15 like you know what i i have to call his bluff i have to call his bluff,
00:13:15 --> 00:13:19 otherwise i'm gonna i'm gonna be stuck in this relationship literally for the
00:13:19 --> 00:13:22 rest of my life and and i i wasn't willing to do that.
00:13:23 --> 00:13:26 So yeah, he didn't.
00:13:26 --> 00:13:30 He didn't ever really do anything to my kids.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:35 He never really approached them. And his threats to my children were never directly
00:13:35 --> 00:13:37 to them. They were always to me.
00:13:38 --> 00:13:41 And I was kind of the weakest link for him.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:47 I was the one that wouldn't stand up to him. And I got to a point where I realized,
00:13:47 --> 00:13:50 and I tell my clients this all the time,
00:13:51 --> 00:13:56 he was not going to change ever. He will continue to do what he has always done.
00:13:57 --> 00:14:01 And if I wanted different, then I was going to be the one that had to change.
00:14:02 --> 00:14:08 I was going to be the one that had to react and respond differently than I had for the last 10 years.
00:14:09 --> 00:14:15 And ultimately, you know, I ended up doing the opposite of what I had always done.
00:14:15 --> 00:14:21 And I stood up to him and, you know, His stalking and harassing continued while
00:14:21 --> 00:14:27 I was 2 miles away, and it got to a point where I just was like, you know what?
00:14:28 --> 00:14:32 If he does it one more time, I'm going to tell my story.
00:14:32 --> 00:14:37 I'm going to expose him for who he really is.
00:14:37 --> 00:14:41 And he did it, and I started with, you know, I went to the park,
00:14:41 --> 00:14:45 and I held that camera in front of my face, and I told my story.
00:14:46 --> 00:14:53 I used no names, but anybody who knew us knew who that was. And at that time,
00:14:53 --> 00:14:57 I didn't have any following. I had like a thousand people on Instagram.
00:14:57 --> 00:15:00 I think I had almost 10 on TikTok.
00:15:01 --> 00:15:06 But I thought, you know what, if anything happens to me, I want everybody to know who, who did it.
00:15:07 --> 00:15:13 And he didn't like that. He continued to threaten me after that, take that down.
00:15:13 --> 00:15:15 You know, he would create new accounts all the time.
00:15:16 --> 00:15:21 And every time he contacted me, I trickled out a little bit more.
00:15:21 --> 00:15:25 And if you go way back into my Instagram, you can, or my TikTok,
00:15:25 --> 00:15:28 really, TikTok was kind of my, my main my main
00:15:29 --> 00:15:34 platform at the time if you go all the way back to 2021 you can see that kind
00:15:34 --> 00:15:39 of all unfold and every time he contacted me i would trickle out a little bit
00:15:39 --> 00:15:42 more and i would show pictures of us with his face blurred,
00:15:42 --> 00:15:45 and then he would contact me again i was like okay,
00:15:45 --> 00:15:50 now now your face is going to be shown good for you and that as you're like
00:15:50 --> 00:15:55 now you've done it i love this story so much like this part of it
00:15:55 --> 00:16:03 don't poke the bear yeah yes don't fuck with me like i i've been fucked with enough and now i'm done,
00:16:04 --> 00:16:08 and so you're like the epitome of fofa fofa yes,
00:16:09 --> 00:16:13 right right right fuck around and find out yeah yeah exactly,
00:16:14 --> 00:16:18 so you know ultimately it got to a point where he.
00:16:19 --> 00:16:23 I had created an LLC for myself when I moved to Florida because I was trying to create an income.
00:16:24 --> 00:16:32 And he found me from that LLC. He found where I was in Florida and he emailed
00:16:32 --> 00:16:35 me and he said, Hey, I'm flying to Miami.
00:16:35 --> 00:16:38 I'm driving to where you are.
00:16:38 --> 00:16:42 And I want you to meet me at This bar, I want you to wear this,
00:16:42 --> 00:16:46 do this, bring this, whatever. All the things.
00:16:48 --> 00:16:53 This fucking guy. Sorry. But this fucking guy. Yeah.
00:16:55 --> 00:16:59 And so what a little man, what a little man.
00:17:00 --> 00:17:05 And so he did, he flew to Miami. He drove to where he thought I was.
00:17:05 --> 00:17:10 I had left and was nowhere to be found, but he took a video of,
00:17:11 --> 00:17:16 of where he thought I was. And, and he said, and this is in my,
00:17:16 --> 00:17:18 in my Instagram somewhere.
00:17:19 --> 00:17:21 He said, I'm here. Where are you little girl?
00:17:22 --> 00:17:28 And I never responded. And he continued on threatening for another several months.
00:17:28 --> 00:17:37 I mean, it was probably almost a year of him, you know, stalking me that I,
00:17:37 --> 00:17:39 and then finally he stopped.
00:17:39 --> 00:17:43 And it was in that year that I just, I just, not everything,
00:17:43 --> 00:17:48 because I still have a lot in my phone that I have not put out there.
00:17:48 --> 00:17:53 But some of the really egregious things are all out there.
00:17:53 --> 00:17:59 And he has been seen by, I would say, hundreds of millions of people.
00:17:59 --> 00:18:05 You know, I have one video that has 8 million views of him attacking me while I lay in bed.
00:18:06 --> 00:18:12 And so his face and his name and his business and his location,
00:18:12 --> 00:18:14 like, they're all out there.
00:18:15 --> 00:18:21 And everybody knows who he is and what he's capable of. Good, good.
00:18:22 --> 00:18:25 And you know what? All of this, did you ever go to the police?
00:18:25 --> 00:18:27 That was exactly what I was just about to say.
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00:19:17 --> 00:19:21 Yeah, I did go to the police many times. I've had multiple restraining orders.
00:19:21 --> 00:19:27 I had, And the restraining orders always exasperated my situation and always made it worse.
00:19:28 --> 00:19:34 He became, you know, he would show up in my apartment complex with a ski mask on at 4 a.m.
00:19:34 --> 00:19:39 He would like, you know, he would call me from a burner phone and he would say,
00:19:39 --> 00:19:44 I like the jeans jacket that you're wearing right now because he was watching me through the window.
00:19:44 --> 00:19:47 And so those things would happen while I had restraining orders.
00:19:47 --> 00:19:50 And there was one point where I was no contact with him for three months,
00:19:50 --> 00:19:55 and he stalked and harassed me for an entire three months every single day.
00:19:55 --> 00:19:58 And I had the police at my house daily.
00:19:59 --> 00:20:05 But I never had proof. I never, you know, I never had proof that he was breaking the restraining order.
00:20:05 --> 00:20:08 And ultimately, I made...
00:20:10 --> 00:20:15 Well, they weren't because those videos were not during the restraining order time. Okay.
00:20:16 --> 00:20:24 Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, I made the mistake of responding one time and I agreed
00:20:24 --> 00:20:28 to meet him in hopes that I could talk him out of, you know,
00:20:29 --> 00:20:31 stalking me for forever.
00:20:31 --> 00:20:38 And, I don't know, within a day or so, we were talking and, you know, the cycle continued.
00:20:38 --> 00:20:46 So, yes, I did call the police many, many times, and the police were really of no help to me.
00:20:46 --> 00:20:49 Yeah, that's what I hear. I had temporary restraining orders.
00:20:49 --> 00:20:55 I had emergency restraining orders. I had—and, yeah, none of that helped me.
00:20:56 --> 00:21:00 Well, how the system fails someone in your situation, I think,
00:21:00 --> 00:21:05 is another separate episode that we should probably record at some point in the near future.
00:21:06 --> 00:21:14 But it just speaks to how difficult it is to actually prevent someone violent,
00:21:15 --> 00:21:16 from committing a violent crime.
00:21:17 --> 00:21:22 Yeah. And, you know, like I said earlier, my situation, I didn't have children
00:21:22 --> 00:21:25 with him. I didn't own property with him.
00:21:25 --> 00:21:32 I wasn't married to him. And I was financially independent. So I was not financially independent.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:37 Depending on him for, you know, to live.
00:21:37 --> 00:21:43 And many of the women that I work with, they don't have any of those things going for them.
00:21:44 --> 00:21:49 They have children with him. They own a home with him. They are financially dependent on him.
00:21:49 --> 00:21:54 And so that may, I mean, I can't, I can't imagine, but like,
00:21:54 --> 00:21:56 it was really difficult for me to do what I did.
00:21:56 --> 00:21:59 And I had a best case scenario.
00:21:59 --> 00:22:02 Yeah. Best. It was the best worst case scenario is what it was. Yes.
00:22:03 --> 00:22:09 Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So you, you got out, you finally got out,
00:22:09 --> 00:22:13 you started over, you rebuilt yourself, you rebuilt your life,
00:22:13 --> 00:22:17 you rebuilt your relationships with your family, with your friends.
00:22:18 --> 00:22:23 And at some point, which you've, you've already talked about it,
00:22:23 --> 00:22:25 your, your story stopped becoming
00:22:25 --> 00:22:29 something that you were just trying to survive privately on your own.
00:22:30 --> 00:22:33 And it became something that you started talking about publicly,
00:22:33 --> 00:22:39 which has really changed the whole trajectory of your life and of your work
00:22:39 --> 00:22:40 and what you're doing out there.
00:22:41 --> 00:22:44 And we already know that it was scary as hell.
00:22:44 --> 00:22:49 And you were fearful of your safety and your family's safety for a really long
00:22:49 --> 00:22:53 time. But at some point, you crossed over to a place where you were like,
00:22:53 --> 00:22:58 nope, not going to take this anymore. I'm exposing this guy for exactly the douchebag that he is.
00:23:00 --> 00:23:05 But something happened when you did that that you didn't probably expect.
00:23:05 --> 00:23:08 You said it yourself that a year or so ago or two years ago,
00:23:10 --> 00:23:13 you had a very tiny following on social media and all of a sudden you shared
00:23:13 --> 00:23:15 your story and it exploded.
00:23:15 --> 00:23:17 And it didn't just get your story out there. It,
00:23:19 --> 00:23:23 changed who you were in the world. It changed how you show up in the world.
00:23:23 --> 00:23:29 Now, you still are a victim of domestic abuse. You will always be a victim of
00:23:29 --> 00:23:33 domestic abuse. That is part of your story. It's like survivor of suicide loss.
00:23:34 --> 00:23:38 Same thing for Natasha. We are surviving these things and always will be to some degree.
00:23:39 --> 00:23:43 You are now something very different in the world. And I don't even want to
00:23:43 --> 00:23:45 take a crack at explaining what it is.
00:23:46 --> 00:23:52 We want you to do it. you are helping so many other women share how you're helping so many other women.
00:23:53 --> 00:23:57 Yeah, you know, abuse, you know, it took my confidence and it kind of,
00:23:57 --> 00:24:00 you know, dismantles your identity slowly.
00:24:00 --> 00:24:05 And when I was able to create that physical distance and when I went no contact,
00:24:05 --> 00:24:08 my healing became powerful.
00:24:08 --> 00:24:12 I felt so powerful having done just that.
00:24:13 --> 00:24:22 And I, you know, I guess when I shared it, I had so many women contact me.
00:24:23 --> 00:24:28 So many women contact me, not just random women throughout the country.
00:24:29 --> 00:24:37 I had a lot of women contact me about my abuser specifically. Oh, no way. Really?
00:24:37 --> 00:24:44 Yes, I probably have had 20 different women contact me and say that they have
00:24:44 --> 00:24:47 either been abused by him or have been inappropriately,
00:24:48 --> 00:24:54 spoke to, you know, touched in like, in some way, this man has,
00:24:55 --> 00:24:57 you know, been abusive.
00:24:58 --> 00:25:06 Yeah, affected them in some way. Um, and so I just, I got to a point where I,
00:25:06 --> 00:25:10 and I, I did have a victim mentality for a very long time.
00:25:10 --> 00:25:12 Like, Oh, what was me? What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?
00:25:12 --> 00:25:15 What do I, you know, nobody's talking to me.
00:25:15 --> 00:25:19 And then, and then I just, I don't know. It was kind of like a, a, a.
00:25:20 --> 00:25:26 Switch flipped. And like I said, my healing had become this powerful being that
00:25:26 --> 00:25:31 was like surrounding me that all of the bad shit was being repelled.
00:25:31 --> 00:25:38 And, you know, and I was able to just kind of absorb all the good and everything,
00:25:39 --> 00:25:44 got brighter. Like literally the colors looked brighter.
00:25:44 --> 00:25:50 I noticed things that I had never noticed before I appreciated things you know
00:25:50 --> 00:25:55 like lizards and butterflies and like I live I live in a beautiful like I live
00:25:55 --> 00:25:59 in a beautiful place and I appreciate that so much more now and so,
00:26:00 --> 00:26:02 it got to a point where I just was like I,
00:26:02 --> 00:26:12 I can focus on the good Like I can choose to focus on how I'm going to respond to all the bullshit.
00:26:13 --> 00:26:20 And that is my choice. There were a lot of things I didn't have a choice about, but this I do.
00:26:21 --> 00:26:27 And so I'm going to, I'm going to stand on that and I'm going to make that the
00:26:27 --> 00:26:32 platform of who I become and who I affect in the future.
00:26:33 --> 00:26:38 And so it got like got to a point where i just there were so many women contact
00:26:38 --> 00:26:42 me i was like you know what i i think i have to do this i i have to.
00:26:42 --> 00:26:48 I have to walk other women through this and i had been coached down like i i
00:26:48 --> 00:26:52 always i tell so many women that i work with like you have had somebody chirping
00:26:52 --> 00:26:56 in your ear coaching you down for so long,
00:26:57 --> 00:27:00 that you just need somebody on the other side coaching you up,
00:27:01 --> 00:27:06 chirping in the other ear, telling you how beautiful and resilient and strong and powerful you are.
00:27:07 --> 00:27:11 And sometimes, literally, that is all a woman needs.
00:27:11 --> 00:27:16 She just needs one person to believe in her.
00:27:16 --> 00:27:20 And I can be that person who.
00:27:21 --> 00:27:27 Who lets her borrow my strength in her or my belief in her.
00:27:28 --> 00:27:32 And she'll borrow that from me until she finds it on her own.
00:27:32 --> 00:27:39 And that's what I get to do now. And it's very meaningful to me.
00:27:39 --> 00:27:43 It is something that I am passionate about.
00:27:43 --> 00:27:50 It is, yeah, it just kind of lights me up. lights me up that I can kind of walk
00:27:50 --> 00:27:53 women through believing in themselves again.
00:27:53 --> 00:27:56 I love that. I love everything about this, Beanie. You know,
00:27:56 --> 00:28:00 I hate that you had to go through what you went through. I hate that any of
00:28:00 --> 00:28:02 us had to survive the things that we've survived.
00:28:02 --> 00:28:09 But it's always, for me as a human, so inspiring when I see someone in the world
00:28:09 --> 00:28:12 and remove whatever the thing is that they focus on.
00:28:13 --> 00:28:19 Whenever I see someone who is taking something that is otherwise hard or heavy
00:28:19 --> 00:28:24 or traumatic or destructive or whatever it is, and it's recycled,
00:28:24 --> 00:28:27 it doesn't negate what it was and how much it hurt.
00:28:27 --> 00:28:31 But when you can take something and recycle it in a way that it empowers other
00:28:31 --> 00:28:37 people and benefits other people, to me, that is one of the greatest gifts that
00:28:37 --> 00:28:40 any of us can ever give or receive.
00:28:40 --> 00:28:45 And I love the fact that the very first person who believed in you like that
00:28:45 --> 00:28:47 to bring you to where you are now is you.
00:28:47 --> 00:28:54 Like you had to do that for yourself. And then obviously it's your husband, your current husband.
00:28:54 --> 00:28:59 And boy, you have had like opposite ends of the spectrum where you had the absolute
00:28:59 --> 00:29:04 worst of the worst that you wouldn't wish on anyone as a cave and use the words partner with him.
00:29:04 --> 00:29:11 And now you have the best of the best someone who inspires you and brings out
00:29:11 --> 00:29:14 the best in you and supports you protects you and all those things and.
00:29:15 --> 00:29:19 You're doing all of this incredible work to reassure other women,
00:29:19 --> 00:29:22 guide other women toward finding the same thing.
00:29:22 --> 00:29:29 And I just think that that is the most beautiful course correction that you
00:29:29 --> 00:29:32 could ever have made in your life, for lack of a better way to say it.
00:29:32 --> 00:29:37 I honestly envision you as a phoenix. I really do.
00:29:38 --> 00:29:43 Rising out of the ashes and just becoming this beautiful being of light to share
00:29:43 --> 00:29:45 your light with the world and to others.
00:29:45 --> 00:29:49 I mean, I just mad respect for you. And I literally have body chills.
00:29:49 --> 00:29:55 Just thank you for all you're doing for the beautiful women out there that just
00:29:55 --> 00:30:00 need somebody to just be that light for them for a minute while they find theirs.
00:30:01 --> 00:30:05 Yeah. Yeah, really. It really is just that simple.
00:30:06 --> 00:30:10 Yeah, it isn't. But it is. But I know what you mean. Now, all of this,
00:30:10 --> 00:30:18 all of what we've talked about for the last hour, eventually became breakthroughs with Beanie.
00:30:18 --> 00:30:24 And that's who you are now. That's one big part of who you are, your life and your work.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:28 And that's how people can find you.
00:30:29 --> 00:30:35 So we've kind of covered the arc of who you were, who you became.
00:30:36 --> 00:30:40 And now who you've emerged as through everything.
00:30:41 --> 00:30:43 And by the way, cancer-free?
00:30:43 --> 00:30:48 Cancer-free. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Cancer-free, thankfully.
00:30:48 --> 00:30:54 And you are in a stable, healthy, loving relationship, and you're out there inspiring people.
00:30:55 --> 00:30:58 And tell who's listening.
00:30:59 --> 00:31:04 How do they find you if they're in a similar situation, if they know someone
00:31:04 --> 00:31:09 in a similar situation and they just don't know how to get out of it,
00:31:09 --> 00:31:13 what their next move could be, what to do, how do people reach you?
00:31:13 --> 00:31:15 Where do people find you? Where do people find your content?
00:31:15 --> 00:31:19 Because your content is honestly some of the most compelling content that I
00:31:19 --> 00:31:22 have seen online in a very long time.
00:31:22 --> 00:31:24 Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
00:31:25 --> 00:31:28 You can find me on all the platforms. I am on TikTok.
00:31:28 --> 00:31:32 I'm on instagram i am on youtube i'm on facebook,
00:31:33 --> 00:31:39 my youtube i would love to have new subscribers to my youtube channel on youtube
00:31:39 --> 00:31:42 you will find something different than you don't find on all the other platforms
00:31:42 --> 00:31:47 and that's some longer content some 15 30 you know between 15 and 30 minutes,
00:31:48 --> 00:31:53 of me kind of teaching about trauma bonds and some different you know aspects
00:31:53 --> 00:31:55 of abuse and what you can do to help,
00:31:56 --> 00:32:02 empower yourself, as well as I also have some meditations, you know,
00:32:02 --> 00:32:05 15-minute meditations for you on YouTube as well.
00:32:05 --> 00:32:11 But it's Beanie at Breakthrough, or no, it's Breakthroughs with Beanie on all
00:32:11 --> 00:32:14 the platforms. I'm finding you right now.
00:32:15 --> 00:32:21 Well, we already follow you in all the places, but rest assured,
00:32:21 --> 00:32:24 anybody who's listening who wants to get in touch with Beanie on any of her
00:32:24 --> 00:32:29 platforms, every single one of them will be in our show notes.
00:32:29 --> 00:32:32 Her contact info, all of that will be listed. So it will be very,
00:32:32 --> 00:32:39 very accessible to you to find and to sort through everything she has to find out.
00:32:40 --> 00:32:47 Exactly what she's doing. Yeah, I offer free clarity calls to anyone free 30
00:32:47 --> 00:32:53 minute calls that just kind of give you a chance to talk about what your biggest struggles are and,
00:32:53 --> 00:32:58 kind of get a little bit of live coaching from me and see if maybe we'd be a
00:32:58 --> 00:33:00 good fit for one on one coaching.
00:33:00 --> 00:33:05 So one on one coaching is really kind of my, my strong point and what I love to do.
00:33:06 --> 00:33:10 And what else? I'm trying to think if there's anything.
00:33:10 --> 00:33:15 Clarity calls and my one-on-one coaching. Perfect. That's perfect.
00:33:16 --> 00:33:24 So we usually ask our guests a few similar questions. Depends on the subject
00:33:24 --> 00:33:27 of the conversation. So here's question one.
00:33:28 --> 00:33:37 If you could correct one misconception that people might have about abusive
00:33:37 --> 00:33:40 relationships, what do you think that would be?
00:33:41 --> 00:33:42 And take your time. We're here all day.
00:33:47 --> 00:33:56 I think that the misconception that people have is that you are weak and powerless,
00:33:56 --> 00:34:02 and that is not the case. I was never a weak, powerless woman.
00:34:02 --> 00:34:08 I was a woman that was conditioned to believe things that weren't true.
00:34:08 --> 00:34:10 And so I guess that would be the big one.
00:34:11 --> 00:34:17 You know, we are not weak, powerless women. We are women of strength and resilience,
00:34:17 --> 00:34:23 and we all have the capability of digging deep and pulling those things out
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24 to the surface. I love that.
00:34:25 --> 00:34:27 I love that. Question number two.
00:34:29 --> 00:34:34 And I want you to talk directly right now to the woman who's listening to this
00:34:34 --> 00:34:39 conversation who is stuck, who is fearful of her life like you were,
00:34:40 --> 00:34:43 being intimidated, being manipulated.
00:34:44 --> 00:34:48 Maybe she's listening with headphones because she's terrified and doesn't even
00:34:48 --> 00:34:50 want her partner to know.
00:34:52 --> 00:34:58 What would you want her to hear right now as like a first step of where do I
00:34:58 --> 00:35:02 go from this feeling of paralysis? I'm stuck here where I am.
00:35:02 --> 00:35:06 I can't move. What would you want her to hear as a first step?
00:35:07 --> 00:35:12 Well, I said this before. What I want you to know is that your circumstances
00:35:12 --> 00:35:19 will change when you change how you respond or react to what's happening to you.
00:35:20 --> 00:35:25 And that's not to say that any of this is your fault.
00:35:25 --> 00:35:35 Clearly, you don't deserve any of this. But ultimately, if you are waiting for your happiness to,
00:35:36 --> 00:35:41 come alive from someone who is repeatedly and intentionally hurting you,
00:35:41 --> 00:35:44 then your focus is on the wrong person.
00:35:44 --> 00:35:50 And your focus needs to be less about them and more about you and what you are capable of.
00:35:51 --> 00:35:55 That is such an unbelievably powerful response and I really hope.
00:35:57 --> 00:36:02 The right people are hearing you say that right now. Last question that I have.
00:36:02 --> 00:36:08 You have survived so much in your life, in the last especially decade or so of your life.
00:36:08 --> 00:36:11 What does surviving mean to you today? What does it mean?
00:36:13 --> 00:36:21 Surviving for me means, again, this is kind of how we started this, learning about myself.
00:36:22 --> 00:36:28 Learning about what brought me to that point of where you know where i allowed
00:36:28 --> 00:36:34 this man into my life and learning about how not just about myself but how i
00:36:34 --> 00:36:36 can create purpose from it,
00:36:37 --> 00:36:43 like you said we're you know we're all surviving something and you know and everybody's purpose,
00:36:44 --> 00:36:48 everybody's purpose is different some people's purpose is not as big and loud
00:36:48 --> 00:36:56 as as what i'm doing but but we all have the ability to have to affect teeny
00:36:56 --> 00:36:58 tiny things all around us.
00:36:59 --> 00:37:03 So surviving for me is has a lot to do with purpose
00:37:03 --> 00:37:06 i love that i it's interesting that you say that because it makes me because
00:37:06 --> 00:37:09 i'm playing with it while we're on the phone right now you can't see this if
00:37:09 --> 00:37:13 you're just listening to the audio but i'm showing natasha and beanie the bracelet
00:37:13 --> 00:37:16 that i've worn on my wrist for god it's probably a dozen years
00:37:16 --> 00:37:19 and it's just got a little metal,
00:37:19 --> 00:37:24 disc on it and you get to choose the word that's on there and I the word I chose
00:37:24 --> 00:37:26 is impact and that's the word that,
00:37:27 --> 00:37:31 to me is the thing that I I wake up every day,
00:37:32 --> 00:37:36 saying what can I do in my way in my life with my experience my story,
00:37:37 --> 00:37:41 to make an impact and you're doing the same thing and Natasha's doing the same thing and,
00:37:42 --> 00:37:46 I just think that's such a powerful thing for any of us to do and then we all do it together,
00:37:47 --> 00:37:51 man, it just changes the world when you can do it all together like that.
00:37:53 --> 00:38:01 So, Beanie, you shared so, so much with us. We're literally sitting here group hugging you right now.
00:38:02 --> 00:38:06 And we're just really so grateful for you to come on and to be so transparent
00:38:06 --> 00:38:09 and to share everything that you've been through because it's been a lot.
00:38:09 --> 00:38:13 And what you're doing in the world now, I think that your story,
00:38:13 --> 00:38:18 to me anyway, is such a strong reminder that leaving, because in your case,
00:38:18 --> 00:38:22 you kind of left where you were, that's not the end of the story.
00:38:23 --> 00:38:29 Sometimes it is the absolute beginning point of you finding out who you are, which you did.
00:38:29 --> 00:38:35 And you are such incredible proof that once you kind of cross that threshold
00:38:35 --> 00:38:37 and you take that leap of faith in yourself,
00:38:38 --> 00:38:43 and start believing that you do have the ability to make the choices for yourself,
00:38:44 --> 00:38:45 that everything can change.
00:38:45 --> 00:38:49 So we just appreciate you for being here and for trusting us with your story
00:38:49 --> 00:38:52 and for doing all the amazing work that you're doing in the world to help other
00:38:52 --> 00:38:59 women not have to continue fighting the same fight and dealing with the same abuse.
00:38:59 --> 00:39:06 So all we can say is, you know, we send so, so much love your way and gratitude
00:39:06 --> 00:39:07 for just being here and sharing.
00:39:08 --> 00:39:12 Thank you. I really appreciate you guys giving me a platform to tell my story
00:39:12 --> 00:39:16 and to hopefully reach even more women. So I appreciate it.
00:39:17 --> 00:39:22 That is the goal. That is exactly what our goal will be when we share this far and wide.
00:39:22 --> 00:39:27 So if you've listened this far, follow Beanie, follow her on all the platforms,
00:39:27 --> 00:39:30 subscribe to her YouTube channel, reach out to her if you or someone you know,
00:39:31 --> 00:39:33 is struggling with domestic abuse.
00:39:33 --> 00:39:37 And please please don't forget to subscribe to us everywhere that,
00:39:38 --> 00:39:44 you can find us and listen to us and be back next week with us to to have another
00:39:44 --> 00:39:48 conversation about surviving the hard things because that's what we're here
00:39:48 --> 00:39:53 for it's what we're here to do so we'll see you next week in the meantime keep surviving.
00:39:54 --> 00:39:58 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of the Survivors community.
00:39:58 --> 00:40:02 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone and you're definitely
00:40:02 --> 00:40:06 not broken. Healing takes time and it looks different for everyone.
00:40:07 --> 00:40:11 The fact that you're still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:40:12 --> 00:40:16 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:40:16 --> 00:40:17 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:40:18 --> 00:40:22 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:40:23 --> 00:40:26 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember,
00:40:26 --> 00:40:27 help is always out there.
00:40:27 --> 00:40:32 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:40:32 --> 00:40:36 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:40:36 --> 00:40:39 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:40:40 --> 00:40:43 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:40:43 --> 00:40:47 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:40:47 --> 00:40:51 Until then, take care of yourself and your people and keep surviving.