*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide, sexual abuse & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
In this heartfelt conversation, Lisa and Natasha delve into the complexities of mental health, exploring themes of isolation, vulnerability, and the importance of communication.
Natasha shares her real-time struggle with depression and self-isolation, emphasizing the need for open dialogue about mental health challenges. The episode highlights the significance of building a support system, seeking therapy, and embracing imperfection in the journey of healing. Through their candid and emotional exchange, they encourage listeners to express their feelings and seek help, fostering a sense of community and understanding. This is a raw one.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Takeaways
- It's okay to not be okay.
- Self-isolation can exacerbate feelings of depression.
- Talking about mental health is crucial.
- Vulnerability can lead to healing.
- Finding joy amidst struggles is important.
- Building a support system is essential.
- Therapy can provide necessary tools for coping.
- It's okay to ask for help.
- Embracing imperfection is part of the journey.
- Community support can make a difference.
Chapters
00:00 Navigating Emotional Turmoil 03:03 The Weight of Isolation 05:45 Understanding Triggers and Stressors 08:31 The Importance of Communication 11:34 Coping with External Pressures 14:34 The Power of Vulnerability 16:20 Finding Joy Amidst Struggles 18:55 Building a Support System 21:54 Creating a Safety Plan 24:26 The Journey to Self-Compassion 26:47 The Role of Therapy 29:23 Embracing Imperfection 32:14 The Power of Speaking Out 35:29 Finding Light in Darkness 38:06 Next Steps for Healing 41:13 A Community of SupportMental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
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See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:04 Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up.
00:00:05 --> 00:00:09 Our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:09 --> 00:00:13 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:13 --> 00:00:18 This is The Survivors, real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:18 --> 00:00:21 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:24 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:27 --> 00:00:33 Hey, what's up? But, you know, just here to talk about all the things.
00:00:33 --> 00:00:39 And I know we have something that we wanted to talk about very intentionally today.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:45 And that's something that I know is going to be a little probably emotional
00:00:45 --> 00:00:48 and tricky for you. Because this is...
00:00:49 --> 00:00:53 This is going to be a conversation that focuses on where you're at right now
00:00:53 --> 00:00:54 and what you're going through.
00:00:54 --> 00:00:59 You and I had decided to flip the order of shows that we're doing.
00:00:59 --> 00:01:01 The show that we're doing right now was going to be next week's,
00:01:02 --> 00:01:06 but we're pushing it up in the order because it's kind of timely for you right
00:01:06 --> 00:01:08 now and it's where your heart wants to be.
00:01:08 --> 00:01:14 So we're going to talk about just what you've been going through lately.
00:01:14 --> 00:01:17 You've had a lot. You and I have talked a lot about compound grief,
00:01:17 --> 00:01:23 and we've talked a lot about layers of life that weigh you down.
00:01:23 --> 00:01:27 And you've had a lot on you weighing down, and I know you wanted to talk it through.
00:01:28 --> 00:01:34 And I know you asked me earlier today if I could kind of put the crisis counselor
00:01:34 --> 00:01:37 hat on, and I'm happy to do that.
00:01:37 --> 00:01:44 I'm absolutely happy to do that. So we want to talk about kind of breaking taboos,
00:01:44 --> 00:01:49 talking about the things that we're all kind of trained to not talk about.
00:01:49 --> 00:01:55 Those things that are the things that we try to encourage everybody to talk
00:01:55 --> 00:01:57 about, but it's really, really hard.
00:01:57 --> 00:02:02 Like saying I'm not okay or saying I'm resentful or saying I'm exhausted or,
00:02:02 --> 00:02:04 you know, saying I'm having dark thoughts.
00:02:05 --> 00:02:10 And that's one of the things I spend a lot of my time doing as a crisis counselor.
00:02:10 --> 00:02:15 For those who don't know, I have been working with the Trevor Project for many,
00:02:15 --> 00:02:21 many years, and we're a crisis and support lifeline for at-risk LGBTQ youth.
00:02:21 --> 00:02:27 And so I'm just putting my Trevor Project crisis counselor hat on,
00:02:27 --> 00:02:29 and let's just run with it.
00:02:29 --> 00:02:33 What is on your mind that you want to talk about?
00:02:34 --> 00:02:37 Well, I've always been very intentional about.
00:02:37 --> 00:02:41 Especially as I've become more public about what I'm, you know,
00:02:41 --> 00:02:42 my journey and everything like that.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:47 And my social media posts are essentially like a journal for me.
00:02:47 --> 00:02:52 So I actively post in a day, like, what I'm going through, what I'm feeling.
00:02:54 --> 00:02:58 And I realized at first it was kind of, it was a burnout.
00:02:58 --> 00:03:04 It was after we moved last month. So it's been about a month since we moved into our other house.
00:03:05 --> 00:03:09 And first it presented as a burnout I was just tired, I was exhausted,
00:03:10 --> 00:03:15 And then as the weeks have gone on And, you know, we're getting settled And
00:03:15 --> 00:03:21 nothing major, I guess, has happened But I'm just continuing to feel depressed
00:03:21 --> 00:03:25 and down And the exhaustion is still there,
00:03:26 --> 00:03:32 There's very little joy in my life I don't have much to look forward to I'm
00:03:32 --> 00:03:36 just existing at this point. And,
00:03:37 --> 00:03:42 I just, so this is where it's, I'm going to go ahead and say the quiet part
00:03:42 --> 00:03:44 out loud. Yeah, do, please do.
00:03:45 --> 00:03:50 Where it's, when I get this way and I know that I do this, when I'm feeling
00:03:50 --> 00:03:52 this way, I self-isolate.
00:03:53 --> 00:03:58 I, you know, I come home from work, I, we have dinner, we spend time as a family,
00:03:58 --> 00:04:02 but then it's, as soon as the kids go to bed, I'm in my room.
00:04:03 --> 00:04:05 Sometimes I don't even make it all the way through the evening,
00:04:05 --> 00:04:07 and I'm just like, you know what? I'm tired. I'm going to my room.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:12 Because that's what I do, and that's what I've always done, is I self-isolate.
00:04:12 --> 00:04:14 I don't talk about it. I hold it all in.
00:04:15 --> 00:04:20 George is not actively aware that I—and maybe he is, and he just hasn't said anything.
00:04:21 --> 00:04:26 But I realized it the other day, and I forgot to—I'm going to excuse myself
00:04:26 --> 00:04:30 in a second here, and I'm going to go grab some poems that I wrote the other day while I was at work.
00:04:30 --> 00:04:34 And I was listening to some music and it just these thoughts were just coming
00:04:34 --> 00:04:41 to me and essentially what it is is that I'm not actively like as I've shared
00:04:41 --> 00:04:46 before I have struggled with suicidal thoughts it's not that I've I'm actively
00:04:46 --> 00:04:49 like wanting to end my life,
00:04:49 --> 00:04:58 but essentially if death was to come for me I would be grateful okay so as someone,
00:04:59 --> 00:05:04 who listens to conversations like this a lot, and they're all different.
00:05:04 --> 00:05:05 They're all very, very different.
00:05:06 --> 00:05:12 I think the one thing I would ask you is, at this point,
00:05:13 --> 00:05:17 have you, I mean, honestly, this is kind of crisis counseling 101,
00:05:17 --> 00:05:23 and what we do right from the jump is really kind of need to establish a baseline.
00:05:24 --> 00:05:27 If you were calling me and you got me on a hotline,
00:05:28 --> 00:05:34 I would ask you directly Have you done anything To try and harm yourself No
00:05:34 --> 00:05:40 I have not Okay okay And I would ask too.
00:05:41 --> 00:05:44 Where you say that you, I mean, I know that you're in history,
00:05:44 --> 00:05:47 and I know that you've had several attempts in the past.
00:05:48 --> 00:05:54 How does how you're feeling right now compare to the way you were feeling when
00:05:54 --> 00:05:57 you made the attempts on your own life?
00:05:58 --> 00:06:04 Well, I know that it starts here, where I'm self-isolating, I'm shutting down
00:06:04 --> 00:06:06 emotionally, mentally, and physically.
00:06:06 --> 00:06:10 I know this is where it starts. so I
00:06:10 --> 00:06:14 have enough self-realization you
00:06:14 --> 00:06:17 know now to know that if I continue down this
00:06:17 --> 00:06:23 path mentally I will end up there where the plans start to come into motion
00:06:23 --> 00:06:28 where I start formulating a plan or start thinking of ways that I could end
00:06:28 --> 00:06:37 my life now the the part for me is after you know the When I, it was, what is it,
00:06:37 --> 00:06:40 three years ago now, after Brandon died, my brother Brandon,
00:06:41 --> 00:06:46 I was actively formulating a plan, was writing my goodbye letters,
00:06:46 --> 00:06:52 and I went to write the goodbye letter to my children, and I couldn't go through
00:06:52 --> 00:06:54 with it because I couldn't do that to my children.
00:06:55 --> 00:07:02 So at this point, what's going on in my head is I am simply living and existing
00:07:02 --> 00:07:06 so that I don't hurt my children. Okay.
00:07:07 --> 00:07:17 So what, what was it, if you can even name it, what was it that maybe happened that caused the shift?
00:07:17 --> 00:07:23 Was it just a buildup of all the things that were happening with you at one time?
00:07:23 --> 00:07:28 Was it one isolated incident? Was it a certain kind of stress?
00:07:29 --> 00:07:32 Like, can you name it, do you think? this this
00:07:32 --> 00:07:35 episode there it stemmed from
00:07:35 --> 00:07:43 the the move being forced yet again to move so this was our ninth move in ten
00:07:43 --> 00:07:48 and a half years and it was completely out of our control it seems to be when
00:07:48 --> 00:07:55 something happens that's out of my control when i can't control what's happening and and i.
00:07:56 --> 00:08:00 Because that's how I've been able to manage my life is as much as I can control
00:08:00 --> 00:08:04 things, I will to manage the anxiety, manage the stress.
00:08:05 --> 00:08:09 And so when things happen that are out of my control, then I just, my body freaks out.
00:08:09 --> 00:08:15 Like I know without a doubt my body, my nervous system is completely dysregulated.
00:08:15 --> 00:08:18 The smallest things annoy me.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:24 Perfect example, George and the kids are eating snacks on the couch while we're watching a movie.
00:08:25 --> 00:08:32 It sends me into a blind rage like i are they spitting up on the couch are they
00:08:32 --> 00:08:36 like crushing potato chips and shoving it in the cushions like what are they
00:08:36 --> 00:08:43 doing they're simply eating or or unwrapping a candy yeah and after and you're losing your mind.
00:08:44 --> 00:08:49 Last night i had and dominic he he likes to build what i call a nest where he
00:08:49 --> 00:08:52 gets all these blankets and these pillows and these cushions and he builds a
00:08:52 --> 00:08:55 nest and he's what I refer to as my Velcro baby.
00:08:55 --> 00:09:01 He's 12, but he likes to be next to me and he wouldn't stop moving.
00:09:01 --> 00:09:05 Oh, okay. And as I'm saying these things out loud, it sounds so petty,
00:09:06 --> 00:09:10 but I know in the moment, and I just quietly got up,
00:09:11 --> 00:09:15 And went upstairs. And he knew. The sad part is, is he knew.
00:09:16 --> 00:09:22 I didn't, I literally as quietly, as calmly just got up, grabbed my water,
00:09:22 --> 00:09:26 and walked upstairs. And he looked and he saw. And he's like, Mommy, I'm sorry.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:30 Because he knew. And I felt like such an asshole.
00:09:31 --> 00:09:37 I really did. You said it yourself. You didn't do anything. You didn't say anything. Okay.
00:09:38 --> 00:09:41 You know, he picked up the vibe. He had a feeling. He knew he was restless.
00:09:41 --> 00:09:43 He knew it probably is what got you off the couch.
00:09:45 --> 00:09:51 But I want to go back for a second to something you said about how when you
00:09:51 --> 00:09:56 were hearing yourself just now say this to me and talk about this here on the pod, you're like,
00:09:57 --> 00:10:02 oh, my God, that was kind of ridiculous that something like that was bothering me.
00:10:02 --> 00:10:06 But I think that that's such an important point to flesh out of this particular
00:10:06 --> 00:10:11 conversation, because these things that are built up in our head,
00:10:11 --> 00:10:14 the stress, the anxiety, the depression, the pressure,
00:10:14 --> 00:10:19 all of it, anger, whatever it is that you're feeling frustration,
00:10:19 --> 00:10:25 they're so amplified when they're stuck alone in our head, when they're just
00:10:25 --> 00:10:27 kind of bouncing around from side to side.
00:10:27 --> 00:10:32 And we are the only ones engaging with those thoughts. You're not talking them through.
00:10:32 --> 00:10:36 That's why like this episode, I didn't even realize until we started talking
00:10:36 --> 00:10:42 and until we started recording, like how important this episode is right now for you.
00:10:43 --> 00:10:47 For you and for anybody who might be in the same kind of a headspace listening
00:10:47 --> 00:10:52 to this, saying, I'm feeling all these things, I see myself going low,
00:10:52 --> 00:10:55 I'm not really sure what to do with it.
00:10:55 --> 00:10:57 We're always taught not to say things.
00:10:58 --> 00:11:02 We're taught to keep all this stuff inside, or if I say something,
00:11:03 --> 00:11:05 it's going to make it worse, or it's going to raise alarm bells,
00:11:05 --> 00:11:06 or it's going to start a chain reaction.
00:11:06 --> 00:11:13 But it's so important for so many different reasons to talk these things through,
00:11:13 --> 00:11:19 whether it's picking up a lifeline and connecting with a counselor or whether
00:11:19 --> 00:11:24 it's a therapist or whether it's your partner or a friend, whatever it is,
00:11:24 --> 00:11:28 just being able to communicate what's rattling around in your head can so often
00:11:28 --> 00:11:33 give you that perspective that being alone in your own head does not give us.
00:11:34 --> 00:11:37 Does that all make sense? Yes. And I did do that last weekend.
00:11:37 --> 00:11:42 I was just feeling really down and I ended up calling my best friend.
00:11:43 --> 00:11:48 And she just listened and I cried and just said the quiet parts out.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:53 I mean, I didn't say, you know, that I was actively like not wanting to be here,
00:11:53 --> 00:11:57 but just venting the life frustrations of being a mom and a,
00:11:57 --> 00:12:04 you know, and a parent in this environment that we're all struggling so hard to exist in right now.
00:12:04 --> 00:12:07 You know we talked about it in a previous episode how the world just feels so
00:12:07 --> 00:12:14 heavy right now because it is yeah and it's just the stress of you know wanting
00:12:14 --> 00:12:18 to get my children in therapy and and doing that and then it's cost you know
00:12:18 --> 00:12:20 insurance and not being able to,
00:12:21 --> 00:12:24 do this and that because of money and you know
00:12:24 --> 00:12:27 you're then we're bombarded with what's going on in the world right
00:12:27 --> 00:12:30 now it's just this never-ending cycle of just
00:12:30 --> 00:12:32 shit coming at us you know and i talked before about how
00:12:32 --> 00:12:37 i was trying really hard not to listen or watch anything about the files and
00:12:37 --> 00:12:43 i'm still as little as i am scrolling i am still getting bits and pieces of
00:12:43 --> 00:12:47 information and you're talking about the epstein files yes like that that kind
00:12:47 --> 00:12:51 of news yeah yeah because it's It's everywhere. It is. It's literally everywhere.
00:12:51 --> 00:12:54 And, excuse me, I...
00:12:55 --> 00:13:00 Obviously, I have a very active imagination, and so when I hear just bits of
00:13:00 --> 00:13:04 information or I see an image, all it takes is three seconds,
00:13:04 --> 00:13:05 and that image is in my brain.
00:13:06 --> 00:13:10 And then all of a sudden, my brain is actively imagining these horrors that
00:13:10 --> 00:13:14 these children and babies or whatever it was we're going through,
00:13:14 --> 00:13:16 and it makes me violently ill.
00:13:16 --> 00:13:20 Well, this is also coming from your own past trauma because,
00:13:20 --> 00:13:22 again, anyone who doesn't know
00:13:22 --> 00:13:28 your story fully, you were raised as a part of the FLDS polygamy cult.
00:13:28 --> 00:13:31 You were sexually abused by your brother.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:38 You endured domestic violence. You've lost five brothers to suicide, attempted three times.
00:13:38 --> 00:13:45 I mean, you have had your share of shit. And those parts of your past and your
00:13:45 --> 00:13:49 lived experience that deal with abuse, in particular sexual abuse.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:54 That looking at something like what's going on with the Epstein files, for instance,
00:13:55 --> 00:14:02 where it's all over everyone's news feeds and it's going to be triggering to
00:14:02 --> 00:14:07 anybody who has gone through anything even remotely like that.
00:14:07 --> 00:14:10 It's no wonder that that's adding to everything that you're feeling right now
00:14:10 --> 00:14:14 and just triggering you in those ways.
00:14:15 --> 00:14:18 And I know also, you know, and I'm just looking at all the different things.
00:14:18 --> 00:14:23 We're at a time in a year where it's dark, it's cloudy, we're not getting enough sunlight.
00:14:24 --> 00:14:29 I'm, you know, and I'm doing a fair amount of taking all my vitamins and my supplements.
00:14:29 --> 00:14:34 And when it's decent weather, I'll go for a walk at work on my breaks.
00:14:34 --> 00:14:41 I know what I'm supposed to do And I'm actively doing those things And it just
00:14:41 --> 00:14:44 feels like No matter what I do I'm
00:14:44 --> 00:14:49 the water's here. Yeah. And sometimes it'll get about there and I can breathe,
00:14:49 --> 00:14:50 but then it's back up here.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:54 So really quick, and I apologize, I forgot to bring these poems.
00:14:54 --> 00:14:55 Let me excuse myself for one second.
00:14:55 --> 00:14:59 I'm going to go grab those because I want to read the one at least. All right.
00:15:00 --> 00:15:05 So this poem that literally, and I don't consider myself a poet,
00:15:05 --> 00:15:07 but I'll tell you what, something's happened in me in the last six months.
00:15:08 --> 00:15:10 It's bringing out your inner poet. it is.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:15 The honest truth is, I wish for death every day.
00:15:16 --> 00:15:21 I'm so tired of fighting to live each day. I don't want to die by my own hand,
00:15:21 --> 00:15:27 but I'd gladly welcome death if it came to me gently to rest on me,
00:15:27 --> 00:15:32 quietly drifting off so my soul could finally rest.
00:15:33 --> 00:15:37 First of all, it's a brave thing to put on paper.
00:15:38 --> 00:15:43 It's a braver thing to read it here on this podcast, to share it with me,
00:15:43 --> 00:15:46 to share it with whoever else is listening to this conversation.
00:15:48 --> 00:15:54 And it's hard. It's hard to receive something like that from somebody you care about.
00:15:54 --> 00:15:58 And what people need to understand if you're listening to this conversation
00:15:58 --> 00:16:02 right now, Natasha and I talked earlier this morning.
00:16:03 --> 00:16:08 I had no idea that you were feeling quite the way you were feeling.
00:16:08 --> 00:16:11 Like I knew that you were like burnt out about TikTok and things like that because
00:16:11 --> 00:16:14 you were like really kind of doing a lot on that particular platform.
00:16:15 --> 00:16:18 It was taking a lot of your time. You were kind of feeling burnt, took a step away.
00:16:18 --> 00:16:25 I didn't really realize until a few hours ago that your headspace was really where it is.
00:16:27 --> 00:16:31 And you know it's not an easy thing to open
00:16:31 --> 00:16:35 up and to share those kinds of
00:16:35 --> 00:16:37 thoughts I mean those are I'm not gonna lie like those are really dark
00:16:37 --> 00:16:46 thoughts and there's a lot of ideation mixed in there and what I want to know
00:16:46 --> 00:16:52 and I know that you've said this before in regard to kids and when you've been
00:16:52 --> 00:16:56 close in the past and the idea of writing a letter to your kids,
00:16:57 --> 00:17:00 a suicide note to your kids, stopped you.
00:17:01 --> 00:17:07 I want to put that aside for a second and ask you what else has ever gotten
00:17:07 --> 00:17:12 you out of where you are right now, this kind of place.
00:17:12 --> 00:17:15 What's gotten you out of it in the past?
00:17:16 --> 00:17:18 Because that's an important thing to focus on right now.
00:17:19 --> 00:17:25 Well, prior to having kids, there wasn't anything getting me out of it.
00:17:26 --> 00:17:31 There's actual, you know, and again, in reading my journals and reflecting and
00:17:31 --> 00:17:34 going back, you know, years, decades later.
00:17:35 --> 00:17:39 Though, you know, there were the three, four times where I actually had a plan
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41 in place where I actually attempted.
00:17:42 --> 00:17:45 There's no medical reason I should be here. but there's
00:17:45 --> 00:17:49 probably countless times in according
00:17:49 --> 00:17:53 in my journals where I was actively like putting
00:17:53 --> 00:17:55 a plan in place and I don't the problem is is
00:17:55 --> 00:17:59 I don't write I am isolating
00:17:59 --> 00:18:04 and I don't write about so I don't know what and because of all the trauma that
00:18:04 --> 00:18:12 I experienced my memory is is pretty fragmented and so i don't know if it is
00:18:12 --> 00:18:18 just i keep myself busy and i just get up each day and,
00:18:19 --> 00:18:24 but prior to having kids there wasn't really much to keep me here and i and
00:18:24 --> 00:18:30 ever since you know having children now because i've had the thoughts before
00:18:30 --> 00:18:34 with the kids you know it was just the closest that i got and actually had a
00:18:34 --> 00:18:36 plan in place was in three years ago.
00:18:37 --> 00:18:43 And we've talked about that on the pod. Yeah. But I do recall other times when
00:18:43 --> 00:18:44 the children were young and,
00:18:45 --> 00:18:49 George traveled a lot for work, was basically a single mother.
00:18:50 --> 00:18:57 I do recall times where it was in my head and I just, it's right now and since
00:18:57 --> 00:19:05 becoming a mother, that is the whole thing that keeps me here. Okay. Okay.
00:19:05 --> 00:19:08 So I just, I hold on to that.
00:19:09 --> 00:19:12 Okay. So we need to build on to that is what we need to do.
00:19:12 --> 00:19:19 It's not a matter of holding on to that. It's a matter of building a safety net around that.
00:19:20 --> 00:19:24 It's finding a support system that goes beyond that.
00:19:24 --> 00:19:29 Like you said, you have your close friend. You said you have,
00:19:30 --> 00:19:33 you know, who you confided in. And obviously you and I talk all the time.
00:19:33 --> 00:19:38 And you have a great relationship with your husband who's been unbelievably
00:19:38 --> 00:19:43 supportive of you all these years through everything that you've been through.
00:19:43 --> 00:19:46 Because he's been with you for the great majority of it.
00:19:46 --> 00:19:51 23 years. Yeah. And I know we've talked about therapy in the past.
00:19:52 --> 00:19:56 And is that still something, remind me, is that still something active in your
00:19:56 --> 00:19:57 life right now, therapy?
00:19:57 --> 00:20:02 It is not. Okay. It's because we didn't have insurance for two years. Uh-huh.
00:20:04 --> 00:20:08 And it's an option now. I finally, I got a job where I have insurance and things like that.
00:20:08 --> 00:20:13 It's just, you know, just getting it set up. And, you know, I didn't realize
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15 that I thought I could, you know, power through.
00:20:16 --> 00:20:19 Yeah, we can't do that, honey. We can't do that. You know what?
00:20:19 --> 00:20:26 But look, you had the same conversation with me last week offline saying,
00:20:26 --> 00:20:29 you know, when we were talking about because I lost my mother-in-law.
00:20:29 --> 00:20:31 We've had a lot of stress here.
00:20:31 --> 00:20:36 You know, I'm moving my parents into an independent living community. Things are changing.
00:20:38 --> 00:20:44 And you called me out and said, what are you doing to take care of yourself right now?
00:20:44 --> 00:20:48 How are you managing this? Because you're just you're burning it in every which way.
00:20:49 --> 00:20:55 And eventually all that does is burn you out and you're kind of in a similar
00:20:55 --> 00:20:59 situation right now where you've just got this incredible heaviness around you
00:20:59 --> 00:21:09 and you can't you just can't power through that and expect to be able to manage that way,
00:21:10 --> 00:21:14 and resolve what's going on. These are kinds of things that we can't just put
00:21:14 --> 00:21:17 band-aids on. These are kinds of things that we need to work on. And you know that.
00:21:17 --> 00:21:24 You know that because you've just been in a place of working on it for so long
00:21:24 --> 00:21:29 in your life. There's so much trauma that you deal with on a day-to-day basis.
00:21:30 --> 00:21:36 And it's hard. I think for you, it's probably a lot harder than the average
00:21:36 --> 00:21:39 person because there is just such an enormous amount
00:21:40 --> 00:21:47 of deep trauma that you carry that has to be dealt with, that is constantly
00:21:47 --> 00:21:48 surfacing and resurfacing.
00:21:48 --> 00:21:54 And I mean, speaking as your friend and somebody who loves you and obviously someone.
00:21:56 --> 00:22:00 Who cares about your mental health and wellness, I'm going to tell you right
00:22:00 --> 00:22:07 now, like when we stop recording, you're going to call a therapist and try to make an appointment.
00:22:08 --> 00:22:13 You know you need to do that, right? Mm-hmm. I mean...
00:22:14 --> 00:22:21 What you have in your pocket, every single thing that you have in your pocket,
00:22:21 --> 00:22:25 friends, family, therapy options,
00:22:25 --> 00:22:29 support groups in your area, every single one of those things,
00:22:29 --> 00:22:35 those are the things that you want to take advantage of the best that you can.
00:22:35 --> 00:22:40 Because what you don't want to do is stay in a cycle where you're just existing.
00:22:41 --> 00:22:44 Because that's going to come around and bite you in the ass at some point.
00:22:45 --> 00:22:48 And you're not going to be able to outrun the way that you feel.
00:22:49 --> 00:22:56 And you're not going to be able to hold yourself back from these thoughts becoming
00:22:56 --> 00:22:58 more and more overpowering.
00:22:59 --> 00:23:04 So it's about creating a safety net and a plan for yourself.
00:23:04 --> 00:23:07 Like, okay, what do I do when I feel like this?
00:23:07 --> 00:23:12 Who do I go to? How do I get out of it? What are my go-tos? I mean,
00:23:12 --> 00:23:13 I know for you, music is a big thing.
00:23:14 --> 00:23:20 Writing is a big thing. You know, being able to do what you and I do and talk
00:23:20 --> 00:23:23 about what's going on in your head, those are big things for you.
00:23:24 --> 00:23:31 So you need to just put a big, big toolbox together of your own,
00:23:32 --> 00:23:38 and I'm air quoting now, things that shift you from this state of mind.
00:23:38 --> 00:23:42 Things that that make
00:23:42 --> 00:23:46 you feel joyful and make you feel complete what what are what you said you were
00:23:46 --> 00:23:54 lacking joy you things are feeling just numb and and dark what is one thing
00:23:54 --> 00:23:59 that brings you joy right now thing person place what is it.
00:24:00 --> 00:24:05 Looking for mental health resources that actually fit who you are and where you come from?
00:24:05 --> 00:24:09 Then you need to check out the Help Hub. It's not another generic wellness site.
00:24:09 --> 00:24:15 It's a free, inclusive, online platform built for real people living real lives.
00:24:15 --> 00:24:22 People managing stress, anxiety, depression, trauma and abuse, grief or suicide loss.
00:24:23 --> 00:24:26 At the Help Hub, you'll find the resources, tools, treatment options,
00:24:26 --> 00:24:31 and trauma-informed content you need in the moment without having to dig through
00:24:31 --> 00:24:33 endless tabs or start from scratch.
00:24:33 --> 00:24:39 It's your place to land, to take a breath, and to find exactly what you need when you need it most.
00:24:40 --> 00:24:44 Visit thehelphub.co where the help you need is just a click away.
00:24:49 --> 00:24:54 I swear I feel like such a horrible person. Why?
00:24:55 --> 00:25:02 Why? Because immediately I know that I should see my children, my husband.
00:25:03 --> 00:25:11 But I can't even say that right now. Okay. Because that's just like an added layer of stress. Why?
00:25:12 --> 00:25:16 Because I always feel like I'm failing them. Why?
00:25:17 --> 00:25:21 What do you feel like you should be doing that you're not already doing?
00:25:22 --> 00:25:25 I don't show up for them in the ways that I know that they need.
00:25:25 --> 00:25:31 And because of everything that I carry, I know it's evident in how I show up for them.
00:25:31 --> 00:25:37 Because it gets to be too much, and I want to be this amazing mother that's
00:25:37 --> 00:25:43 fun and outgoing and bubbly and who I used to be, but I feel like I've lost her.
00:25:44 --> 00:25:52 Like she died. When? She died sometime in the last five years. Okay.
00:25:53 --> 00:25:58 Okay. And I don't... I don't know how to get back to her.
00:25:58 --> 00:26:03 Well, maybe you're thinking about it the wrong way. Maybe it's not about getting back to her.
00:26:04 --> 00:26:13 Maybe it's about starting in a new place, starting with a new perspective,
00:26:14 --> 00:26:16 meeting yourself exactly where you are right now.
00:26:17 --> 00:26:19 Whose image are you trying to keep up with?
00:26:20 --> 00:26:24 Is it, okay, your own of what you think you should be or your own of who you
00:26:24 --> 00:26:27 feel you were at one point or both?
00:26:27 --> 00:26:32 What image, what is the image that you have that you're trying to keep up with?
00:26:33 --> 00:26:38 Just this version of me that's this like perfect example.
00:26:38 --> 00:26:41 Yesterday, I got an email from the school in Kirsten.
00:26:41 --> 00:26:47 My daughter was accepted into a prestigious program for high school. That's amazing.
00:26:47 --> 00:26:52 And I was so excited And I printed the letter off for her And I was going to
00:26:52 --> 00:26:56 come home And celebrate with her and everything But they had already called
00:26:56 --> 00:27:00 her to the office And had informed her And.
00:27:01 --> 00:27:04 I just didn't do anything else about it. You know what I mean?
00:27:04 --> 00:27:09 Like, I want so bad to celebrate these wins with my children.
00:27:09 --> 00:27:12 And somehow it's just the smallest little thing is like, oh, whatever.
00:27:13 --> 00:27:17 Or, again, it's just, or if I have a bad day or whatever, I just,
00:27:17 --> 00:27:23 I don't feel like I'm, I feel like every day I'm failing my children. I'm failing my husband.
00:27:23 --> 00:27:31 Because I know what it's like to have parents that were emotionally absent or overwhelmed.
00:27:31 --> 00:27:34 And I don't want that for my children.
00:27:34 --> 00:27:41 Do you know that you can be emotionally overwhelmed and still very much there for your children?
00:27:41 --> 00:27:44 Do you know that? Has anyone ever told you that?
00:27:44 --> 00:27:47 No. You can be. How?
00:27:49 --> 00:27:53 Because you meet yourself where you are. I say it all the time,
00:27:53 --> 00:27:56 but it's so applicable right in this moment.
00:27:57 --> 00:28:01 You know how you and I talk so often about how grief and joy can coexist?
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03 We talk about that all the time, right?
00:28:03 --> 00:28:06 Do you agree that that's a reality?
00:28:06 --> 00:28:10 Yes. Okay. So this is no different. Like, you're a human being.
00:28:11 --> 00:28:18 You're a human being who has your own set of emotions and feelings and triggers
00:28:18 --> 00:28:22 and traumas and idiosyncrasies we all do. Thank you.
00:28:22 --> 00:28:28 And you're also a mom and you're also a wife and you also work and you're also
00:28:28 --> 00:28:31 a friend and you're also all these other things in the world.
00:28:32 --> 00:28:40 You're allowed to be overwhelmed. You're allowed to not be the one to be the
00:28:40 --> 00:28:43 cruise director for your family 24 hours a day.
00:28:43 --> 00:28:48 I used to always feel that way. For the longest time, I used to feel like everyone's
00:28:48 --> 00:28:51 happiness and well-being was my responsibility.
00:28:52 --> 00:28:58 I had to be on my game all the time. I had to be joyful, and I wanted to be.
00:28:59 --> 00:29:03 I never used to give myself permission to not be.
00:29:04 --> 00:29:10 And when I started doing that and when I started realizing that I can't be responsible
00:29:10 --> 00:29:14 for everybody else's happiness, like if I'm not good in my own head and my own heart,
00:29:14 --> 00:29:20 how the hell am I supposed to be the caretaker of everybody else's happiness?
00:29:20 --> 00:29:22 You're in that place right now.
00:29:23 --> 00:29:26 And I wonder, I just wonder what it would feel like for you,
00:29:26 --> 00:29:32 how it would change things for you if you took the way you felt right now and
00:29:32 --> 00:29:38 then thought about the reality that you don't have to always be the one to make
00:29:38 --> 00:29:39 sure that everyone is okay.
00:29:40 --> 00:29:44 I've had this thing, and I've talked about it in the last year on the podcast.
00:29:45 --> 00:29:51 I don't remember which season, but it came out in therapy for me that I have
00:29:51 --> 00:29:56 this really, really deep, strong, hypervigilant side. Have we talked about that?
00:29:57 --> 00:30:01 Yes, we have. Okay. So then you know what it is when I say that.
00:30:01 --> 00:30:04 That hypervigilant side, because I lost my father very young,
00:30:04 --> 00:30:08 and I didn't have any siblings, and,
00:30:09 --> 00:30:14 It somehow became hardwired into me that I needed to make sure that everybody was okay.
00:30:14 --> 00:30:16 So I'm always kind of running around everybody in my family.
00:30:17 --> 00:30:20 It's why I always think of everybody else before I think of myself. Always.
00:30:22 --> 00:30:25 And you're doing that. You're doing that.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:34 You're so hypervigilant about everybody else's joy and contentment and happiness,
00:30:34 --> 00:30:37 that you're not recognizing that it's not all your responsibility.
00:30:38 --> 00:30:41 You know, obviously you're a mom and you want to take care of your children
00:30:41 --> 00:30:44 and it's our responsibility as parents to do that and you want to be present
00:30:44 --> 00:30:51 for them and be supportive of them and be nurturing to them and you are all those things.
00:30:52 --> 00:30:56 And you can be all of those things, even if you're having a bad day.
00:30:56 --> 00:31:00 It doesn't take away from the fact that you love your kids, that you're there
00:31:00 --> 00:31:03 for your kids, that you support your kids, that you're at every game or every
00:31:03 --> 00:31:09 show or every concert or every school event because you are.
00:31:09 --> 00:31:13 True? Is that true? Okay. Are you there every night when they get home?
00:31:13 --> 00:31:18 Yes. Are you there when your son wants to stick to you like Velcro?
00:31:18 --> 00:31:22 Are you there hugging on him on the couch watching TV as a family? Yes.
00:31:23 --> 00:31:26 Okay. And you're there around the dinner table and you're there to celebrate
00:31:26 --> 00:31:30 the wins yes okay so maybe
00:31:30 --> 00:31:33 it's a matter of perspective maybe some
00:31:33 --> 00:31:38 of what's going on in your heart and your head that feels so heavy and it feels
00:31:38 --> 00:31:42 like such failure maybe that isn't failure at all maybe that's just you putting
00:31:42 --> 00:31:49 way way too much pressure on yourself to be something that you're idealizing
00:31:49 --> 00:31:53 that you can't compare yourself too.
00:31:54 --> 00:31:58 You can't. I don't care what plans any of us have on any given day to be any
00:31:58 --> 00:32:03 certain thing to anybody, including ourselves. Shit happens.
00:32:03 --> 00:32:07 And some days are good days and some days are bad days. And the fact of the
00:32:07 --> 00:32:13 matter is we can only meet ourselves where we are in the moment with the same
00:32:13 --> 00:32:17 kind of compassion for ourselves that we give to everybody else.
00:32:17 --> 00:32:19 Like you're not giving yourself any of that that I see.
00:32:19 --> 00:32:27 You're just disappointed and angry at yourself because you don't feel like you
00:32:27 --> 00:32:33 deserve to be upset or withdrawn or isolated or sad.
00:32:33 --> 00:32:36 Is that accurate? Yes. Okay.
00:32:37 --> 00:32:44 So what do you think it might look like to start by saying, okay, I am overwhelmed.
00:32:45 --> 00:32:48 Like, you just did it you just did it right now like you're not just talking to me
00:32:48 --> 00:32:52 right now you're talking to everybody else who listens to this podcast anybody
00:32:52 --> 00:32:54 else and i think it's important to also say that
00:32:54 --> 00:32:57 i have not told my husband that i'm failing this way
00:32:57 --> 00:33:00 so i think that would be the first step well that
00:33:00 --> 00:33:03 kind of has to be the first step unless you want me to delay this episode from
00:33:03 --> 00:33:08 posting when it posts no i'm not making light of it i mean i definitely agree
00:33:08 --> 00:33:13 that you have to have that conversation because this is this even though you
00:33:13 --> 00:33:16 and i knew what we wanted to talk about today This conversation,
00:33:16 --> 00:33:17 like so many of our conversations,
00:33:18 --> 00:33:20 is so organic and it goes where it goes.
00:33:21 --> 00:33:27 And this one went to a place that I'm not sure either one of us expected it to go.
00:33:29 --> 00:33:34 And I don't know how you feel about where it went. And I know that it was definitely
00:33:34 --> 00:33:39 scary to hear you say some things. I'm not right around the corner.
00:33:39 --> 00:33:46 I can't just run over to you and, you know, throw my arms around you and let's
00:33:46 --> 00:33:48 go for a walk and let's talk it through. It's not like that.
00:33:49 --> 00:33:54 But I'm so glad that we are having this conversation so that I know where you're
00:33:54 --> 00:33:58 at and you can articulate where you're at.
00:33:59 --> 00:34:05 Because saying all this stuff out loud is, whether it be to yourself or someone
00:34:05 --> 00:34:11 else or George or anyone in your life, like that's where it starts.
00:34:11 --> 00:34:13 It's acknowledging it out loud.
00:34:14 --> 00:34:20 Well, and having the courage and the strength to say the quiet part out loud.
00:34:20 --> 00:34:24 And I do want to say this, though. I have...
00:34:25 --> 00:34:30 Tried to be a little bit vulnerable with a couple people just to let them know
00:34:30 --> 00:34:32 that I was kind of feeling a little bit heavy.
00:34:35 --> 00:34:39 And so I feel like there needs to be some education or maybe some awareness
00:34:39 --> 00:34:43 to people when somebody comes to you and has the courage to come to you and
00:34:43 --> 00:34:46 say, hey, I'm feeling, you know, even if they don't say it.
00:34:46 --> 00:34:50 But, you know, I would just say something like, I'm just tired or,
00:34:51 --> 00:34:55 you know, I just, I feel. But I was trying to get to that point where I could
00:34:55 --> 00:34:57 tell them or just be open and raw.
00:34:58 --> 00:35:03 And they would immediately jump to, but look everything you've been through.
00:35:04 --> 00:35:07 Look, and you're so strong. You've come out on the other side.
00:35:08 --> 00:35:10 It's like, I don't need to be reminded.
00:35:12 --> 00:35:19 I know. I don't need to be reminded of my strength. I know. And I'm tired.
00:35:19 --> 00:35:22 Yeah. and sometimes yeah just having
00:35:22 --> 00:35:25 the just so if somebody is coming to
00:35:25 --> 00:35:28 what i'm i guess what i'm trying to say is if somebody is coming to
00:35:28 --> 00:35:32 you and is is being raw and vulnerable don't remind
00:35:32 --> 00:35:37 them of their strength or what they've been through they know just
00:35:37 --> 00:35:39 listen uh-huh and a
00:35:39 --> 00:35:42 simple i see you uh-huh i
00:35:42 --> 00:35:47 hear you and just let them talk uh-huh and
00:35:47 --> 00:35:50 it's exactly what you have done for me today you didn't
00:35:50 --> 00:35:53 remind me of my strength or you know
00:35:53 --> 00:35:56 you did mention my past and all that stuff but that was for our listeners well
00:35:56 --> 00:36:00 right that's that's just context that's right yeah you're providing context
00:36:00 --> 00:36:05 to our listeners but you didn't ever remind me of my strength or look what i've
00:36:05 --> 00:36:07 been through or whatever you
00:36:07 --> 00:36:12 know just listening and and so being able to say the quiet part out loud.
00:36:13 --> 00:36:18 And openly, I can already tell, has taken some weight off.
00:36:18 --> 00:36:22 And writing, you know, that was just one poem. I'm not joking you.
00:36:22 --> 00:36:26 I sat there at work the other day, and these words were just pouring out of
00:36:26 --> 00:36:28 me for a solid 30 minutes.
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31 And I wrote poem after poem after poem.
00:36:32 --> 00:36:38 And that felt better. So it's a matter of just, it's almost like a download
00:36:38 --> 00:36:42 of getting everything that's up here out.
00:36:42 --> 00:36:49 And out into and speaking it, whether it's on paper, words, whatever. Hell, a screen.
00:36:51 --> 00:36:55 I think that, you know, first of all,
00:36:55 --> 00:37:02 I'm glad that the conversation was what you needed it to be and was helpful
00:37:02 --> 00:37:09 in maybe just releasing it or giving perspective or just being able to hear
00:37:09 --> 00:37:13 it out loud or say it to another human. I'm grateful for that.
00:37:14 --> 00:37:19 It's important to talk about the power of holding space, which is what you just said.
00:37:19 --> 00:37:24 It is such an underrated skill that every single one of us has the capacity
00:37:24 --> 00:37:27 to do, but we don't often do it enough because it's really, really uncomfortable.
00:37:28 --> 00:37:33 Right. It's very uncomfortable. When I'm on crisis lines, one of the things
00:37:33 --> 00:37:39 that we do, it depends on, so I'm a crisis counselor on a couple of different platforms.
00:37:40 --> 00:37:48 And with one of them, our goal is to listen 80% and engage 20%.
00:37:48 --> 00:37:57 So you're really, really in a place of being expected to listen wholeheartedly,
00:37:57 --> 00:38:03 non-judgmentally, which is a big part of holding space, is to be non-judgmental to that person.
00:38:03 --> 00:38:12 And that can be really awkward, especially when you feel like you need to be responding.
00:38:12 --> 00:38:19 You need to be engaging. But like you said, that's so often not what a person needs.
00:38:19 --> 00:38:21 They just need to be heard and validated.
00:38:22 --> 00:38:26 The other thing that I do think is worth mentioning in this conversation,
00:38:26 --> 00:38:30 because you shared a lot of things that were dark, that were heavy.
00:38:30 --> 00:38:35 And that is what we do on this podcast. We have gone to some very deep places
00:38:35 --> 00:38:37 and talked about some very, very heavy things.
00:38:37 --> 00:38:42 And I think this may be one of the heaviest conversations. And I want people
00:38:42 --> 00:38:44 who are listening who might be concerned.
00:38:44 --> 00:38:48 Like there are people who might be very concerned if you're okay right now.
00:38:49 --> 00:38:52 So what I would say, which I think goes hand in hand with, okay,
00:38:53 --> 00:38:56 how do you sit there and help someone who's coming like you're coming to me
00:38:56 --> 00:38:59 or to this conversation with some really heavy, hard stuff?
00:39:01 --> 00:39:08 It's the holding space part, but it's also saying, well, what are you doing next? What's your plan?
00:39:10 --> 00:39:13 What's your safety plan like I know you said you haven't done anything to try
00:39:13 --> 00:39:17 and harm yourself I know you said you don't have a plan I know you said you're not.
00:39:18 --> 00:39:24 Contemplating hurting yourself. But I would say, especially since you don't
00:39:24 --> 00:39:26 have therapy right now in your
00:39:26 --> 00:39:31 back pocket, you're working to get therapy established again, I would say,
00:39:32 --> 00:39:35 remember that 988, I would say this to you and I would say this to anybody,
00:39:35 --> 00:39:43 remember that lifelines like 988 are available 24 hours a day for anything,
00:39:43 --> 00:39:50 for just feeling dysregulated, for feeling suicidal, for being terrified of
00:39:50 --> 00:39:55 a situation in your life, for any reason whatsoever that you're not okay,
00:39:56 --> 00:39:58 that is a place to start.
00:39:58 --> 00:40:05 And there are also places that you can go online if you're feeling like you
00:40:05 --> 00:40:09 need to be isolating and you're not feeling like engaging with people in person.
00:40:10 --> 00:40:12 There are online support groups.
00:40:12 --> 00:40:16 You just need to show up and you have the ability to do what you just did,
00:40:16 --> 00:40:21 which is to talk through what you're feeling and what you need.
00:40:22 --> 00:40:26 And then the other thing is just having that courage that you had to say,
00:40:27 --> 00:40:30 this is where I'm at. And then this is what I need.
00:40:31 --> 00:40:34 Those are the biggest parts. And you've done all that.
00:40:34 --> 00:40:40 I mean, what else do you feel like you need right now to feel like you're a
00:40:40 --> 00:40:45 little bit more balanced than you were when this conversation started?
00:40:46 --> 00:40:52 I think, number one, the most important thing for me to do is to get therapy set up. Mm-hmm.
00:40:53 --> 00:40:58 So taking care of that. And then I need to have a very candid,
00:40:58 --> 00:41:00 honest conversation with George.
00:41:00 --> 00:41:06 Mm-hmm. Number one. So that he's aware of what's going on. Because he can't help if he doesn't know.
00:41:06 --> 00:41:11 Right. No one can't. I've had countless people who have listened to our podcast
00:41:11 --> 00:41:18 now, and they realized for years, decades, that I was suicidal and had absolutely no idea.
00:41:19 --> 00:41:26 Family members said no idea because I never said anything, because I carried it all inside.
00:41:26 --> 00:41:29 And that is why I got to the points where I did for those three or four times.
00:41:30 --> 00:41:34 And so, yes. So I see what you're doing, Carrie.
00:41:34 --> 00:41:39 You're helping me get a plan in place. so getting therapy set up having a conversation
00:41:39 --> 00:41:43 with george and it's decent enough
00:41:43 --> 00:41:48 whether i was just looking outside i'm gonna go for a walk good good.
00:41:50 --> 00:41:54 Good. How do you feel now compared to how you felt 45 minutes ago?
00:41:55 --> 00:41:58 Good. Like, not good, but like better. I know what you mean.
00:41:58 --> 00:42:04 Like, just a little bit lighter. And if that's all it is, it's just a little bit lighter.
00:42:04 --> 00:42:08 Well, that's what you build on. It's not about, look, I wish I could sit here
00:42:08 --> 00:42:14 as your friend, as your co-host, as a crisis counselor and say to you,
00:42:14 --> 00:42:16 I have got all the answers.
00:42:16 --> 00:42:20 Let me fix you. I wish I could do that.
00:42:20 --> 00:42:28 Every single therapist in the world wishes that they could do that or counselor.
00:42:28 --> 00:42:30 And the reality is that we can't.
00:42:31 --> 00:42:42 It's not our job. Our job is to listen and to give support and to offer strategies
00:42:42 --> 00:42:48 and offer community and offer different support systems that you might not know
00:42:48 --> 00:42:49 of or you might not think of.
00:42:50 --> 00:42:54 And just to be a place for you to say it out loud. So I'm just,
00:42:54 --> 00:42:59 I'm grateful that you said it out loud. And it did take an incredible amount
00:42:59 --> 00:43:04 of courage to come on here and be that vulnerable in this kind of a space.
00:43:05 --> 00:43:09 So I'm just I hope if there's
00:43:09 --> 00:43:12 one thing that you like you personally take away from
00:43:12 --> 00:43:15 this conversation I hope it's the reality that
00:43:15 --> 00:43:24 you don't have to expect that you are the one who has to to manage everyone's
00:43:24 --> 00:43:30 highs and lows that you're not you're not the one who's responsible for everybody
00:43:30 --> 00:43:33 else's happiness and joy.
00:43:33 --> 00:43:37 You're allowed to have a shitty day. You're allowed to be in a mood.
00:43:37 --> 00:43:42 You're allowed to just take a break and not have to,
00:43:43 --> 00:43:48 Keep the weight of that pressure to be all the things to all the people on you
00:43:48 --> 00:43:54 all the time because it is not your responsibility to make sure that everybody
00:43:54 --> 00:43:56 is okay all the time. I've learned that the hard way.
00:43:56 --> 00:44:02 It's taken me a long time to learn that, that we can take care of the people
00:44:02 --> 00:44:05 that we love and also take care of ourselves at the same time.
00:44:05 --> 00:44:14 Okay. You know, so if there are other takeaways that anybody else can take from
00:44:14 --> 00:44:18 this conversation, it's say the things out loud,
00:44:18 --> 00:44:23 find the person, find the safe space or the safe person or the therapist or
00:44:23 --> 00:44:29 the friend, and say the thing out loud that's in your heart,
00:44:29 --> 00:44:31 that's on your mind, that's weighing you down.
00:44:33 --> 00:44:38 And just try and be as honest as you can be because like we just said if people
00:44:38 --> 00:44:44 don't know you're hurting they can't help you fix what's going on on the inside if they don't know,
00:44:45 --> 00:44:52 Right. And just replace the I'm fine, which we all say on repeat.
00:44:53 --> 00:44:55 Replace that with one honest sentence.
00:44:56 --> 00:45:00 One honest thing. If somebody asks you how you really are, start there.
00:45:01 --> 00:45:04 Because once you start there, the rest will fall off.
00:45:04 --> 00:45:09 Absolutely yeah so i just want to tell everybody that's listening right now,
00:45:09 --> 00:45:13 that i will be back next week i'm not
00:45:13 --> 00:45:18 going anywhere and most importantly thank you for listening and thank you for
00:45:18 --> 00:45:23 caring because i do get messages from people through social media platforms
00:45:23 --> 00:45:28 that i've connected with and they genuinely care and they listen and i want
00:45:28 --> 00:45:33 you to know that i hear you and i see you and i appreciate you more than words could say,
00:45:34 --> 00:45:37 well look you know what this is the reality we are all we
00:45:37 --> 00:45:44 say it every week we are all surviving together and you and i are doing it we're
00:45:44 --> 00:45:48 all doing it as a greater community and we're going to keep doing it and when
00:45:48 --> 00:45:50 we're not okay we're going to bring it here and we're going to we're going to
00:45:50 --> 00:45:57 find a way through it right absolutely all right i love you babe i love you i'll see you next week.
00:45:59 --> 00:46:02 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of the Survivors community.
00:46:03 --> 00:46:07 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone and you're definitely
00:46:07 --> 00:46:11 not broken. Healing takes time and it looks different for everyone.
00:46:11 --> 00:46:16 The fact that you're still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:46:16 --> 00:46:20 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:46:20 --> 00:46:22 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:46:22 --> 00:46:27 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:46:28 --> 00:46:30 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember,
00:46:31 --> 00:46:32 help is always out there.
00:46:32 --> 00:46:37 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:46:37 --> 00:46:40 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:46:40 --> 00:46:44 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:46:44 --> 00:46:48 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:46:48 --> 00:46:52 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:46:52 --> 00:46:56 Until then, take care of yourself and your people, and keep surviving.