*WARNING: This podcast mentions sexual abuse, CPTSD & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
UK-based psychotherapist Lee Freeman shares his story of surviving childhood abuse, being diagnosed with CPTSD, and the life‑shifting discovery that he was donor‑conceived with over 1,000 biological half‑siblings.
This emotional conversation explores family secrets, reclaiming identity, building chosen family, and the lifelong work of healing and resilience.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Takeaways
- Childhood trauma and abuse
- Discovering over a thousand siblings through DNA testing
- The impact of family secrets on identity
- Building a new family and community
- Therapy and healing from complex PTSD
- The importance of resilience and strength in overcoming adversity
- The role of therapy in unlearning negative beliefs
- The journey of self-discovery and acceptance
- The power of shared stories and community support
- Lee’s work as a therapist helping others navigate trauma
Chapters
00:00 - Introduction to Lee Freeman’s story and background 01:56 - Childhood trauma and family secrets revealed 05:12 - Discovering over a thousand siblings through DNA testing 10:03 - Building a new family and the annual reunions 14:56 - Dealing with family betrayal and disowning toxic relationships 20:06 - The impact of trauma and therapy on healing 25:01 - Lee’s journey as a therapist and survivor 30:00 - Unlearning negative beliefs and building self-confidence 35:09 - The role of resilience and strength in overcoming adversity 39:57 - The importance of community and shared stories 45:00 - What being a survivor means to Lee today 46:51 - Closing thoughts and gratitude 47:45 - End of episode and final remarks
Mental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
- Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss (Familius Books)
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
- Find Lee Freeman and his work here:https://www.linkedin.com/in/lee-freeman-45a353238/
Follow & Connect With Us
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See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:04 Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:08 Our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:08 --> 00:00:12 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:13 --> 00:00:18 This is The Survivors. Real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:18 --> 00:00:20 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:24 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:28 I feel like we should have started recording seven minutes ago when you came
00:00:28 --> 00:00:34 on because all sorts of new information about our guest's life has come to light
00:00:34 --> 00:00:38 in the last, I think, what, 90 seconds, three minutes.
00:00:39 --> 00:00:45 So, Lee, Lee Freeman, I have to start with something that completely just,
00:00:46 --> 00:00:50 stopped me in my tracks when I learned your whole story back when,
00:00:50 --> 00:00:55 back when I was on your podcast and Natasha was on your podcast, which we'll talk about.
00:00:55 --> 00:01:02 But you found out in your 30s that the man you thought was your biological father was not.
00:01:03 --> 00:01:08 You learned that you were donor conceived and you discovered that you have more
00:01:08 --> 00:01:14 than a thousand biological half siblings. How do you even process that? Yeah.
00:01:15 --> 00:01:18 Good question. Get a good therapist.
00:01:20 --> 00:01:25 But you are one. You are one, right. Just need a conversation with myself.
00:01:25 --> 00:01:26 Lucky enough, I've got a good one.
00:01:27 --> 00:01:32 It was in stages. It was in stages. So I'll tell my story and work my way towards
00:01:32 --> 00:01:35 it. Obviously, any questions I ask along the way.
00:01:35 --> 00:01:40 So I grew up outside of Portsmouth in a council estate called Lee Park.
00:01:40 --> 00:01:43 I think you guys would call it like the projects. It's not a place that you
00:01:43 --> 00:01:48 want lives i'm the most deprived of the just just jumping in to to say if you
00:01:48 --> 00:01:50 haven't already guessed lee is from the uk,
00:01:52 --> 00:01:57 yes yes with my british accent which sounds good to american people but to our
00:01:57 --> 00:02:02 english people it's an awful accent from where i'm from well we could listen to you all day so,
00:02:03 --> 00:02:10 so yeah with my story i i i grew up in a fair amount of like poverty.
00:02:11 --> 00:02:14 My my what i believe was my biological father,
00:02:15 --> 00:02:21 i never had any connection with him i never liked him very abusive my mother
00:02:21 --> 00:02:28 was abusive physically verbally abusive mentally abusive and even at the earliest of ages i,
00:02:28 --> 00:02:34 it wasn't great but my early real early recollection was about four or five years of age when,
00:02:35 --> 00:02:38 things changed and they become really abusive.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:40 And I never knew why.
00:02:40 --> 00:02:43 But over time, I've realized it is when my sister was born.
00:02:44 --> 00:02:50 So I grew up, my stepfather was a convicted pedophile. He wasn't at the time.
00:02:51 --> 00:02:56 So I suffered a lot of abuse through him, which a lot of it my biological mother
00:02:56 --> 00:03:01 knew about, but she ignored and covered for him there as well.
00:03:02 --> 00:03:07 And it was just kept like a secret there as well so there was a lot of childhood
00:03:07 --> 00:03:11 trauma there as well which is why I went on to be diagnosed with CPTSD.
00:03:13 --> 00:03:20 So getting to where you guys were with Sam of the intro and also we go back and forwards is that,
00:03:21 --> 00:03:26 he got arrested for trying to abduct on two separate occasions,
00:03:26 --> 00:03:30 two small boys in a car. And,
00:03:31 --> 00:03:35 my mother who i had a terrible relationship with,
00:03:35 --> 00:03:40 asked me to go around to speak to her and our relationship was pretty fractured
00:03:40 --> 00:03:43 anyway and i was with my ex-partner at the time and i was at work and it was
00:03:43 --> 00:03:47 on a saturday and she's called me and she's like lee,
00:03:48 --> 00:03:53 your mom's phoned me up she's drunk and this is like 11 a.m in the morning on
00:03:53 --> 00:03:58 a saturday she said how old were you how old were I was in my 30s then.
00:03:58 --> 00:04:01 I was in my 30s. Obviously, so much had gone on before then.
00:04:01 --> 00:04:06 I mean, I was just trying to live my life there, not knowing a lot of things
00:04:06 --> 00:04:09 that I know now. So I said, yeah, I'll go around there. What does she want?
00:04:10 --> 00:04:12 I went around there and my sister was there.
00:04:13 --> 00:04:17 And my mom's looking at me and she said, well, you might love me,
00:04:17 --> 00:04:22 you might hate me. And I was, well, I already hate you. So let's just get on with it.
00:04:23 --> 00:04:29 And she's like okay so i've not been honest with you and i'm like well there's
00:04:29 --> 00:04:31 no surprise just gone but well.
00:04:32 --> 00:04:38 You know your dad yeah he's in he's by this time he's been arrested he's he's,
00:04:39 --> 00:04:43 he's over on his way to prison but he was in prison he was um i can't remember
00:04:43 --> 00:04:47 if he's already been convicted but he was in prison yeah he's he's not your father,
00:04:48 --> 00:04:54 i was like okay i didn't feel anything it didn't surprise me i always thought i was,
00:04:55 --> 00:05:02 adopted as a kid i never knew why i just had i never had any connection i never liked him and,
00:05:02 --> 00:05:06 i always felt like the black sheep of the family my sister would get the nice
00:05:06 --> 00:05:10 things i would get stuff from like a junk shop,
00:05:11 --> 00:05:15 so i was like okay she said yeah your sister is not actually your sister well
00:05:15 --> 00:05:22 she's your half sister your donor conceived he couldn't have kids i was like okay,
00:05:23 --> 00:05:28 she said yeah so i was like so also all of his side of the family then obviously,
00:05:29 --> 00:05:32 they're not even my relatives then yeah that's right,
00:05:33 --> 00:05:38 So I actually, I was like, okay, fine. I was quite numb to her. It didn't surprise me.
00:05:39 --> 00:05:43 So I remember like looking in the mirror, but a couple of days later,
00:05:43 --> 00:05:47 and it was like that, what you see in the movies, who am I? What am I?
00:05:48 --> 00:05:53 And I kind of just left it for a few years. So as the years went by,
00:05:54 --> 00:06:01 I think it's my ex-partner. She said to me, Leah, I really don't believe your mom. I don't trust her.
00:06:02 --> 00:06:08 You should do a dna test so i decided to do a dna test years later so that would
00:06:08 --> 00:06:10 have been how many years ago was it now,
00:06:11 --> 00:06:16 five five six years ago now decided to do a dna test and then really even thought
00:06:16 --> 00:06:18 into looking up anything at all so i just did it,
00:06:19 --> 00:06:23 through ancestry and then a couple of months later the results come through
00:06:23 --> 00:06:27 and there's these lists of like like half brothers and sisters.
00:06:27 --> 00:06:35 So I decided to start sending out a generic message and I'd just finished work.
00:06:36 --> 00:06:39 Sorry, my lunch break at work is before I become a therapist,
00:06:39 --> 00:06:41 but yeah, that's 10 years ago.
00:06:42 --> 00:06:48 So I just finished my lunch break and I've gone back to work. And as I'm sending.
00:06:50 --> 00:06:54 Aaron, my American brother, he had actually started messaging me.
00:06:54 --> 00:06:57 And he's like, hi, Lee, welcome.
00:06:58 --> 00:07:00 Pleased to meet you. And I was like, yeah, great.
00:07:00 --> 00:07:04 Pleased to meet you. And I had all of these questions to ask him.
00:07:04 --> 00:07:06 And he's like, do you know anything about our father?
00:07:07 --> 00:07:09 And I was like, no, I don't know anything at all.
00:07:11 --> 00:07:13 He's like, okay. He said, would you like to see a picture of him?
00:07:13 --> 00:07:18 I was like, yeah, great. He's like, his name's Peter John Maller. Here's a picture of him.
00:07:18 --> 00:07:22 So within a few seconds i'm literally looking at a picture of my biological
00:07:22 --> 00:07:23 father which is very surreal,
00:07:24 --> 00:07:29 yeah i can't even imagine and my boss is like lee you're gonna do any work today
00:07:29 --> 00:07:32 and i was like probably not he went yeah.
00:07:33 --> 00:07:37 Tell me about it later and he's like yeah i was like okay great so i've got
00:07:37 --> 00:07:40 all these thoughts going through my head and he's and i was thinking okay so
00:07:40 --> 00:07:46 where does he live and he said oh he died a few years ago okay of like an embolism okay
00:07:47 --> 00:07:52 fair enough he said there's a lot of us we're in a whatsapp group would you
00:07:52 --> 00:07:55 like to join us and i'm in a daze i was like yeah okay so the next thing you
00:07:55 --> 00:07:58 know i'm being put into a whatsapp group,
00:07:59 --> 00:08:03 and suddenly i've got about 10 12 brothers and sisters all messaged me which
00:08:03 --> 00:08:08 was just completely surreal so i remember sort of driving back really kind of
00:08:08 --> 00:08:12 like numb to it but trying to get back as quick as i can to or like message people and then,
00:08:13 --> 00:08:19 i spent the rest of the weekend literally talking to all these half siblings
00:08:19 --> 00:08:22 which is very strange because you're biologically connected,
00:08:23 --> 00:08:28 but they're complete strangers yeah what a weird situation yeah so it's it's
00:08:29 --> 00:08:32 it's quite random so it's not like a long lost partner or,
00:08:33 --> 00:08:37 a child yeah from when you're you're a child or anything like that so they sent
00:08:37 --> 00:08:42 me a lot of information sent me pictures and you could see a lot of similarities
00:08:42 --> 00:08:46 there as well so that was interesting i was mentally exhausted i slept for the whole weekend yeah,
00:08:47 --> 00:08:52 But I found it settled down quite quickly there. And what they were saying is
00:08:52 --> 00:08:54 that they meet up like once a year in London.
00:08:54 --> 00:08:59 You know, do you want to come? So I said, yeah, and I'll meet anyone that wants
00:08:59 --> 00:09:01 to meet me. So I ended up meeting a couple of them.
00:09:02 --> 00:09:06 And I met my sister, Beth, and she looked quite similar to me.
00:09:07 --> 00:09:09 She's the one that did original research.
00:09:10 --> 00:09:14 And she actually found who our biological father was. He was studying to be
00:09:14 --> 00:09:16 a gynecologist in London.
00:09:17 --> 00:09:20 He did kind of really well in his job never actually had any kids of his own.
00:09:22 --> 00:09:26 So she found out his family and they she got a lot of information for them and
00:09:26 --> 00:09:30 she was like telling me a bit about them and i'm sort of like well how many
00:09:30 --> 00:09:32 is there of us and she said well,
00:09:33 --> 00:09:38 he donated and she's had it confirmed by somebody that knew him sort of three
00:09:38 --> 00:09:42 to four times a week over about four or five year period,
00:09:42 --> 00:09:47 and so the statistics give us the over a thousand but the other thing is is
00:09:47 --> 00:09:53 that ever since i've been a part of the group there's give or take every six
00:09:53 --> 00:09:57 months a new sibling appears whether it's on ancestry,
00:09:57 --> 00:10:02 or whether it's on other websites and some are interested some are really keen
00:10:02 --> 00:10:07 some are not some don't want to acknowledge it that's fine some join the group
00:10:07 --> 00:10:09 some leave some are really into it so,
00:10:09 --> 00:10:13 every six months without foul and even a couple of days ago i'll get a message
00:10:13 --> 00:10:19 from a new brother called phil and i'll start out of a brief chat with with him there as well so,
00:10:20 --> 00:10:22 yeah i think bev also.
00:10:23 --> 00:10:26 Joined some groups of groups of siblings.
00:10:27 --> 00:10:33 And it sounds like Peter was very well known for donating a lot because back
00:10:33 --> 00:10:38 in the seventies, he would get paid a lot of money to do the donation and it wasn't regulated.
00:10:39 --> 00:10:42 So he could do it as many times as once. So he was going down Harley Street,
00:10:42 --> 00:10:46 donating on a regular basis, making a lot of money to pay through medical school
00:10:46 --> 00:10:49 there as well, long before the internet.
00:10:49 --> 00:10:51 So nobody's ever going to think that
00:10:51 --> 00:10:55 people are going to meet up and get connected or anything like that so,
00:10:55 --> 00:11:02 that's kind of how that is there with that so so that's that's a lot just we
00:11:02 --> 00:11:06 should just take a deep breath i feel like nosh do you need to take a deep breath
00:11:06 --> 00:11:08 because i need i mean it's pretty rare that,
00:11:09 --> 00:11:13 people can beat my family with the number of siblings yes that's very true that's
00:11:13 --> 00:11:21 very true so if you're just dropping into the conversation right now we're here with lee freeman,
00:11:22 --> 00:11:26 he is a psychotherapist and a childhood trauma survivor somebody living with
00:11:26 --> 00:11:30 complex post-traumatic stress disorder he's the host of the podcast adversity
00:11:30 --> 00:11:32 to strength he's out of the uk,
00:11:33 --> 00:11:40 he's in london you're in london right right outside of i'm i am in wiltshire originally.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:47 But i live in the countryside now okay okay you're a countryman countrymen right,
00:11:48 --> 00:11:56 so lee and i and natasha this is not our first go-around together so i was invited
00:11:56 --> 00:12:00 to be a guest on lee's podcast last year natasha was also,
00:12:00 --> 00:12:04 a guest i think it was earlier was it this year or maybe in the winter of of
00:12:04 --> 00:12:09 last year last year yeah last year yeah so the three of us have had,
00:12:10 --> 00:12:14 lots of time to get acquainted and get to know each other and to hear each other's stories.
00:12:14 --> 00:12:20 But we just thought Lee's story is so compelling on so many different levels.
00:12:20 --> 00:12:25 I mean, you survived sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse,
00:12:25 --> 00:12:29 and then, like we're talking about right now, discovered that your father wasn't
00:12:29 --> 00:12:31 your real father, and you,
00:12:32 --> 00:12:38 actually are donor-conceived, and you have over a thousand siblings,
00:12:38 --> 00:12:45 and Natasha and I are just taking a breath to to decompress and process that
00:12:45 --> 00:12:50 information because it's it's a lot what was your,
00:12:50 --> 00:12:53 initial reaction I mean I know you've you've kind of walked us through what
00:12:53 --> 00:12:58 that day learning that you had so many siblings was like but after that after
00:12:58 --> 00:13:00 you kind of experienced that first,
00:13:01 --> 00:13:04 exchanged with the family and you were just plopped into this WhatsApp group
00:13:04 --> 00:13:08 with hundreds and hundreds of half siblings.
00:13:09 --> 00:13:14 What's that all meant for you since then? I'd say I would call it some good
00:13:14 --> 00:13:22 karma because when my stepfather, going back to my childhood,
00:13:23 --> 00:13:25 he abused family members.
00:13:25 --> 00:13:28 He abused kids in the street.
00:13:29 --> 00:13:33 Family members knew about it. People knew about it. Nobody said anything.
00:13:33 --> 00:13:35 This is like in the 80s there as well.
00:13:36 --> 00:13:41 I tried to tell my mother. I don't even call her my mother. I'll just call her
00:13:41 --> 00:13:43 by her first name because I don't have anything to do with her.
00:13:44 --> 00:13:48 And I even told her about the abuse and she just ignored her.
00:13:49 --> 00:13:52 She was just like, oh, it's just his way there as well. But she was part of
00:13:52 --> 00:13:54 it. So there was nowhere I could go.
00:13:54 --> 00:14:00 I would try and escape and stay at anyone's house that I could stay at.
00:14:00 --> 00:14:05 I even had one of my friend's moms. I weren't even close to the friend.
00:14:05 --> 00:14:08 And she called me into the kitchen one day and I was about 11 or 12.
00:14:09 --> 00:14:10 And she said to me.
00:14:13 --> 00:14:17 Lee, I don't know what she saw because I wouldn't have said anything or anything
00:14:17 --> 00:14:20 like that. But she said to me, if you ever want to come and live with me, you can.
00:14:21 --> 00:14:27 And I remember being so excited that I run home, which is a couple of miles
00:14:27 --> 00:14:31 away to tell my mum, I've got some great news.
00:14:32 --> 00:14:35 His name was Luke. Luke's mom said, I can go and live there because I thought,
00:14:35 --> 00:14:39 well, they don't want me and there's somebody that does, so everybody's going to be happy.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:43 And she's like, you will never see that woman again. And I never did.
00:14:43 --> 00:14:51 Oh that was it so when i when my stepfather was arrested,
00:14:52 --> 00:14:59 for i think if his porn he's in on his laptop and and trying to abduct he got
00:14:59 --> 00:15:03 arrested for trying to abduct a child and then a couple of days later he got
00:15:03 --> 00:15:05 arrested for doing the same thing again,
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08 so he was like kept in custody,
00:15:09 --> 00:15:15 i decided to like expose him to anyone that would listen to me all his friends family members,
00:15:16 --> 00:15:23 so i was phoning up family members and saying this is what's happened he's he's
00:15:23 --> 00:15:27 a he's a pedophile he's a child molester and they're like yeah we already know that oh what,
00:15:28 --> 00:15:33 do you mean you already know that oh well we've known that since like the 60s and the 70s,
00:15:34 --> 00:15:41 and one of and i and i spoke to my cousin so a lot of my cousins are a lot older
00:15:41 --> 00:15:44 so you sort of go between calling my auntie and cousins but,
00:15:45 --> 00:15:47 one of my cousins who I looked at as an auntie she said I'll come around and
00:15:47 --> 00:15:53 talk to you late so she's come around we sat down with a coffee and she just said yeah,
00:15:54 --> 00:16:00 do you ever notice that I never brought my kids around he tried to abuse them.
00:16:01 --> 00:16:06 And they come and told me, but, and I remember the phone call.
00:16:06 --> 00:16:11 I remember I was about eight years of age and I was sat there and a lot of things
00:16:11 --> 00:16:13 always happened when my mom was out.
00:16:14 --> 00:16:19 Lots of things always happen. And my, my cousin, she's Diane,
00:16:19 --> 00:16:24 she phoned up and I answered the phone. I was, I was, I was eight.
00:16:24 --> 00:16:26 Cause I remember a lot of things happened when I was eight.
00:16:26 --> 00:16:30 And, um, I said, oh, I, and she was not in a good mood.
00:16:30 --> 00:16:36 Is she went is your dad there and i went diane's on the phone and i knew something
00:16:36 --> 00:16:39 wasn't right so instead of just leaving the room because as soon as he walked
00:16:39 --> 00:16:42 into the room i'd always leave i went and sat down,
00:16:42 --> 00:16:46 and he just laughed at her down the phone and hung up on her,
00:16:47 --> 00:16:49 and i said what was all that about,
00:16:50 --> 00:16:55 and she went well diane's just being silly so i sat there all night and when
00:16:55 --> 00:17:00 my mum come home from work I was waiting for him to say something didn't say anything at all.
00:17:02 --> 00:17:09 So I said to her how come you never said anything to my mum and she said well
00:17:09 --> 00:17:14 how could I it's your mum's husband I said but you knew what he was there's
00:17:14 --> 00:17:16 two small kids in the house.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:20 For me I'd rather lose all my friends and family and do the right thing she
00:17:20 --> 00:17:24 went oh I couldn't so inside I was just raging.
00:17:25 --> 00:17:28 She got up and left. And I'm like, you know what? Every one of these people
00:17:28 --> 00:17:32 knew. So I decided to disown them.
00:17:33 --> 00:17:37 And I was just getting to the point of starting to study to become a therapist.
00:17:38 --> 00:17:40 And I was reading a book on toxic parents.
00:17:40 --> 00:17:44 And I felt I was just reading about myself in there. And I felt I was reading
00:17:44 --> 00:17:46 about my mother in there. And I was at the gym.
00:17:47 --> 00:17:50 And I was just like, yeah, you know what? So I sent her a message.
00:17:50 --> 00:17:55 I've still got the message now saying, I'm disowning you, you're a terrible parent.
00:17:56 --> 00:18:00 This is all the things you allowed to happen to me. That was it.
00:18:01 --> 00:18:06 I went to work. I get a phone call off of my ex-wife and she was in tears.
00:18:06 --> 00:18:08 And I was like, you're all right.
00:18:08 --> 00:18:11 She went, no, not really. She said, I just had your mom on the phone.
00:18:12 --> 00:18:13 And I was half expecting her to
00:18:13 --> 00:18:17 say, you've blocked her. You sent her a message. She wants to talk to her.
00:18:18 --> 00:18:21 But she didn't. She said, yeah, all the things you said about her, you're right.
00:18:22 --> 00:18:27 She said, she couldn't care less. she said she phoned up to say what you you'd
00:18:27 --> 00:18:31 sent her and she said that's fine he's an adult he can do what he wants that's it,
00:18:32 --> 00:18:37 so i dishonored her and my sister because my sister will not.
00:18:38 --> 00:18:42 Hear a bad word against my mom there's more evidence against my mom than the
00:18:42 --> 00:18:48 oj case she won't see any of that natasha does this sound familiar yeah,
00:18:49 --> 00:18:53 i mean and lee you know why it sounds familiar because Natasha has had almost
00:18:53 --> 00:18:55 the same situation with her family.
00:18:56 --> 00:18:59 So my sister, even like sort of in the last couple of years,
00:18:59 --> 00:19:02 reached out to me, sent me a big long message,
00:19:02 --> 00:19:07 which I'll probably come to where I tried to get my mum sent to prison,
00:19:07 --> 00:19:13 saying, you said all these lies about everything I'd said about my stepfather. Well, that's all true.
00:19:13 --> 00:19:17 But anything against my mum is a lie. So when I went through every single one
00:19:17 --> 00:19:20 of her lies and replied back, saying, if I've got it wrong or I've made it up,
00:19:20 --> 00:19:21 let me know, I did hear back from her.
00:19:22 --> 00:19:27 So I then obviously cut her out, all my family members apart from one of my
00:19:27 --> 00:19:30 cousins, and an auntie and a cousin that I don't even see.
00:19:31 --> 00:19:37 So I had no family at all. So then to out of nowhere find that you've got all
00:19:37 --> 00:19:41 these half brothers and sisters is like some good calm has come my way.
00:19:42 --> 00:19:47 With some of my sisters, my sister like Callie, Samaya, I'm closer to them than
00:19:47 --> 00:19:51 I ever was with the sister that I grew up with there. So I've got some real
00:19:51 --> 00:19:56 good family members that I never expected to have. So for me, it's just a bonus.
00:19:57 --> 00:19:59 I love that. So you've got a lot of found family.
00:20:01 --> 00:20:06 A lot of found family it's it's quite funny because it's like i mean everyone is really nice and,
00:20:06 --> 00:20:10 but it's like your first day on a new job where there's like 20 new starters
00:20:10 --> 00:20:13 you kind of get to know the ones that and they're all really nice but you find
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15 the ones that you resonate with
00:20:15 --> 00:20:20 there and you really click with there and so it's kind of been a bit like that
00:20:20 --> 00:20:24 but i'm close to like a couple of brothers and burloff sisters as well we've
00:20:24 --> 00:20:29 got about five or six sisters I'm pretty close to. Are they in your area?
00:20:30 --> 00:20:34 My sister, Callie, lives in Bristol. So she's about 45 minutes away.
00:20:35 --> 00:20:39 Peter, our biological father, lived in London. So there's a lot of siblings
00:20:39 --> 00:20:42 around the London area, surrounding areas there.
00:20:42 --> 00:20:45 I've got a sister that lives in Portugal.
00:20:46 --> 00:20:49 The brother that reached out to me, he's an American brother.
00:20:49 --> 00:20:51 He actually lives in Thailand. Thailand he lives in.
00:20:52 --> 00:20:56 So there's a few that's scattered around. But they're not too far away.
00:20:56 --> 00:20:59 They're a couple of hour drive for a lot of them.
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00:21:49 --> 00:21:54 So you get to see this new found family. You get to create these connections
00:21:54 --> 00:21:59 with this whole new family that's actually your family after all that.
00:22:00 --> 00:22:03 And you guys still do the annual meeting in London?
00:22:04 --> 00:22:09 Yeah, we've done it. I've done it two out of three years. Last year they did
00:22:09 --> 00:22:13 it on a Thursday and it's too far for me to get there and back and I had clients all day.
00:22:13 --> 00:22:20 But my sister samaya she she lives in canada and she's flown over a couple of
00:22:20 --> 00:22:23 times she actually works in america she flew over,
00:22:23 --> 00:22:28 for the get together and she's absolutely lovely really really nice person there
00:22:28 --> 00:22:32 so she's a real close sister very very quickly we got like a real good bond
00:22:32 --> 00:22:38 there but yeah we meet up once a year in in london it can vary how many comes due to commitments.
00:22:39 --> 00:22:43 Often it's the same ones, but there's always one or two ones that didn't make
00:22:43 --> 00:22:45 it the year before and often new
00:22:45 --> 00:22:49 siblings that want to come along and meet everybody. So it's a lot of fun.
00:22:50 --> 00:22:53 There has to be something so exciting about that in a way, just to all of a
00:22:53 --> 00:22:58 sudden find out that you have this kind of connection with so many people.
00:22:58 --> 00:23:03 Yeah, it's a bonus. I mean, for me, it was it wasn't the only regret i had cutting
00:23:03 --> 00:23:08 my mother sister and relatives out of my life is that i didn't do it sooner
00:23:09 --> 00:23:13 that's the only regret i've got i've never lost a second sleep over it,
00:23:14 --> 00:23:18 so i didn't expect to have any brothers or sisters or anything like that i'm
00:23:18 --> 00:23:21 not sure why finding out that i'm donor conceived you would think the law of
00:23:21 --> 00:23:25 averages as we wanted but i just weren't really thinking about it so for me
00:23:25 --> 00:23:26 it's just a bonus yeah yeah.
00:23:27 --> 00:23:33 My attitude is because Because what happened is everyone was messaging me and,
00:23:34 --> 00:23:37 congratulating me and wishing me all the best and welcoming me into the group.
00:23:38 --> 00:23:42 But then after like a couple of days, I didn't hear from anybody. So I was like, oh.
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46 So I messaged one of my sisters, Terry, the one that lives in Portugal.
00:23:46 --> 00:23:49 I was like, is everything all right? Because everyone was messaging me and now
00:23:49 --> 00:23:52 I've not heard anything. She went, oh yeah, no, that's normal.
00:23:52 --> 00:23:55 She said that everyone's sort of like pretty sort of middle class,
00:23:55 --> 00:23:57 got their own businesses, jobs, kids.
00:23:58 --> 00:24:02 They welcome somebody in and they just carry on with their life. And that's it.
00:24:02 --> 00:24:05 So that's one of the things that I say when there's a new sibling that appears
00:24:05 --> 00:24:08 there as well that you'll have this bit of a well then it will just settle down
00:24:08 --> 00:24:12 and there won't there might not be a message in the sibling group for months
00:24:12 --> 00:24:14 and then somebody something,
00:24:15 --> 00:24:19 in or a link or recommend a get together there as well and then sometimes i
00:24:19 --> 00:24:24 yeah with some of my siblings i won't hear from them for like a few months and
00:24:24 --> 00:24:27 then they'll be like how's it going and suddenly you spend a few days having conversations.
00:24:28 --> 00:24:34 But my sister callie and and samaya are probably the two that I check in the
00:24:34 --> 00:24:35 most with to see how they're doing.
00:24:36 --> 00:24:42 How do your kids feel about all of this? So my kids find it fascinating.
00:24:42 --> 00:24:45 They find my life fascinating. They've never really asked anything about my
00:24:45 --> 00:24:48 past. They know I don't speak to my mom or have anything to do with the family.
00:24:49 --> 00:24:53 But when I told them about the brothers and sisters, they just couldn't get
00:24:53 --> 00:24:56 their head around it. But they just kind of find it very funny.
00:24:56 --> 00:25:01 And they've met some of them. They've seen my sister Callie quite a lot.
00:25:01 --> 00:25:08 They've met my brother Michael they've met Sumaya from Canada and they really like them as well so,
00:25:09 --> 00:25:17 that was funny but another thing that happened on Ancestry is I got a notification that come up and.
00:25:18 --> 00:25:23 Talk about getting kind of like good karma unexpectedly so I've got brothers
00:25:23 --> 00:25:27 and sisters that are appearing there as well and I get a notification come up
00:25:27 --> 00:25:29 saying you've got a match and,
00:25:30 --> 00:25:37 And then I'll get this message come through saying, hi, you've come up as a match with me.
00:25:38 --> 00:25:45 So I was like, okay, right. So it starts a conversation and it turns out that
00:25:45 --> 00:25:49 it's a daughter that I didn't know that I had. Oh my goodness.
00:25:50 --> 00:25:57 That appeared. and it was literally she's 24 now so i think i would,
00:25:57 --> 00:26:02 how old have i been 24 25 at a time i think she was about 21 at the time and
00:26:02 --> 00:26:09 she just messaged me because she she did an ancestry test and i come up there as biological father so,
00:26:09 --> 00:26:14 we had a few conversations which was pretty amazing there and,
00:26:15 --> 00:26:19 And I dated her mum very briefly,
00:26:20 --> 00:26:21 didn't really go anywhere there as well.
00:26:21 --> 00:26:25 And the sort of usual version of the renown that had gone on,
00:26:26 --> 00:26:30 I'd always wondered if anything actually had come of it, but I didn't know,
00:26:30 --> 00:26:32 definitely didn't know for certain.
00:26:32 --> 00:26:40 So I then had to tell my kids that they've got a sister and to tell my partner.
00:26:42 --> 00:26:47 And she'd her partner her mum had just died so we'd had a couple of losses we'd
00:26:47 --> 00:26:53 had my cousin had died unexpectedly and then a few weeks later her mum had died
00:26:53 --> 00:26:56 unexpectedly so we were dealing with that and she sat down,
00:26:57 --> 00:27:00 on the Friday and I'd known about it on the Wednesday and I was trying to speak
00:27:00 --> 00:27:04 to her but she was too emotional with losing her mum she sat down on a Friday
00:27:04 --> 00:27:07 and I said to her i'd really need to talk to her and she went okay,
00:27:08 --> 00:27:11 i was like trying to explain it to her and she wasn't really listening to me
00:27:11 --> 00:27:16 i said i'm going to send you a screenshot because it says on my ancestry match,
00:27:16 --> 00:27:22 whether it's like brother sister auntie uncle and it's got like percentage of of of dna,
00:27:23 --> 00:27:26 so i sent it to her and she's like okay what am i looking at because she was
00:27:26 --> 00:27:29 so used to all the brothers and sisters she's going oh,
00:27:30 --> 00:27:35 yeah so what you've got another sister i was like put your glasses on oops she's
00:27:35 --> 00:27:40 put her glasses on she was like what am i looking at i she went okay why does
00:27:40 --> 00:27:43 it say for your sister why does it say daughter.
00:27:44 --> 00:27:50 Oh no she went have you got a daughter i was like apparently so and she's like
00:27:50 --> 00:27:52 oh okay it's really good about it,
00:27:53 --> 00:27:57 i phoned my my and she just thought it was kind of like quite amusing and the
00:27:57 --> 00:28:00 fact that I've gone from no family to brothers and sisters and then I've got a daughter.
00:28:01 --> 00:28:04 Well, that's what I find to be – I'm fascinated with this whole story because
00:28:04 --> 00:28:09 you just – I feel like you need to buy an island, Lee, somewhere in the Caribbean
00:28:09 --> 00:28:11 for your entire family to live on.
00:28:12 --> 00:28:15 I think at this rate it'd have to be a big one. It'd have to be a big one.
00:28:17 --> 00:28:22 So I found up and told my kids, my oldest son.
00:28:22 --> 00:28:24 I found him up about midday as
00:28:24 --> 00:28:27 a teenager. He's like, this is too much for me. I need to go back to bed.
00:28:28 --> 00:28:32 I spoke to my youngest and he's like, how's that even possible?
00:28:32 --> 00:28:35 I was like, well, you work it out. When you do, come back to me.
00:28:37 --> 00:28:41 Anatomy 101. Exactly. My daughter's amazing, amazing relationship.
00:28:42 --> 00:28:45 Beyond my world of dreams, we're in regular contact. We meet up all the time,
00:28:46 --> 00:28:48 go for dinner, spend time together.
00:28:49 --> 00:28:53 She lives about 10 minutes from my son's. Oh, you're kidding.
00:28:53 --> 00:28:57 Yeah, she meets up with them, takes them out there and spends time.
00:28:57 --> 00:29:01 So it's beyond my wildest dreams. It couldn't be any better.
00:29:01 --> 00:29:03 What a blessing. What a blessing for you.
00:29:04 --> 00:29:10 Yeah. So I met her a few weeks ago along with my cousin that I do speak with there as well.
00:29:11 --> 00:29:15 So it's brilliant. So I've been very fortunate in that sense.
00:29:16 --> 00:29:23 So you have been through it. You have been through it in so many different ways.
00:29:26 --> 00:29:30 The trauma that you've experienced, both physical trauma, emotional trauma,
00:29:31 --> 00:29:35 not feeling connected to your family, and then understanding why,
00:29:35 --> 00:29:39 knowing that you're biological, believing that your biological father was your
00:29:39 --> 00:29:43 father, but somehow in your heart not believing it, and then finding out, in fact, he was not.
00:29:44 --> 00:29:50 And then a thousand half-siblings later, you developed an incredible amount
00:29:50 --> 00:29:54 of complex post-traumatic stress because of all of this.
00:29:56 --> 00:30:01 That's just the childhood there yeah there was there was never anything stressful
00:30:01 --> 00:30:03 about the siblings i never looked at it as,
00:30:05 --> 00:30:09 stressful some of the siblings have been a part of it for them they just want
00:30:09 --> 00:30:13 to get back to their life they don't want it but for me it was very easy but,
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15 i was diagnosed a couple of years ago with cptsd,
00:30:17 --> 00:30:21 i've got a brilliant therapist amanda and we've obviously worked on a lot of
00:30:21 --> 00:30:26 things all my all my trauma it comes from my parents amongst others.
00:30:29 --> 00:30:36 What it is how much of your healing that you've gone through would you say was
00:30:36 --> 00:30:40 like an unlearning of who other people told you you were,
00:30:41 --> 00:30:49 Yeah, that's a big part of me because I was, it's quite, there's so much irony in that.
00:30:50 --> 00:30:57 I was growing up, I grew up being told that you're sick, you're stupid, you can't do anything.
00:30:58 --> 00:31:03 I was even told like my mother would, there'd be a song on the radio and I'd
00:31:03 --> 00:31:04 be like, I like this song.
00:31:04 --> 00:31:08 I even remember the songs in the mid 80s, the song would come on and she'd be
00:31:08 --> 00:31:11 like, you don't like that song. But I like that singer. You don't like that singer.
00:31:12 --> 00:31:16 Okay. So anything I wanted to do, there would always be criticism.
00:31:17 --> 00:31:21 I couldn't do anything right, no matter what. I'd get shouted and screamed at
00:31:21 --> 00:31:24 for being too noisy playing with my toys as a kid.
00:31:25 --> 00:31:27 I'd also get shouted and screamed at for being too quiet.
00:31:28 --> 00:31:31 So I just used to hide in my room and stay out of the way.
00:31:32 --> 00:31:40 So I would always try and escape by reading books or anything like that.
00:31:40 --> 00:31:46 But when my stepfather had such an inferiority complex, he would project everything
00:31:46 --> 00:31:50 onto me. He would say things about me, which I know as a therapist,
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51 he'd be talking about himself. Sure.
00:31:52 --> 00:31:58 That he didn't mix vow, he was this, he was that. And I was like, this isn't even true.
00:31:59 --> 00:32:04 And my mum would always tell other people Lee's great, he does this but to me
00:32:04 --> 00:32:09 she would always tell me that I'm a waste of space I'm useless, I can't do this so.
00:32:11 --> 00:32:18 One of the things that I did with a lot of therapy was to really build my self-belief
00:32:18 --> 00:32:23 my confidence in myself there as well so when you get that negative belief system
00:32:23 --> 00:32:25 from them that comes to me.
00:32:27 --> 00:32:33 I never struggle with it I always know that it's their unresolved issues,
00:32:33 --> 00:32:38 their projection onto me and telling me that I'm thick, stupid,
00:32:38 --> 00:32:41 that kind of thing. I know it's not true. And here's the evidence.
00:32:43 --> 00:32:47 My stepfather couldn't even read and write. No qualifications.
00:32:47 --> 00:32:51 Yeah, I was thick and stupid. I speak different languages.
00:32:52 --> 00:32:57 Even now, I've just started another course to become a more experienced therapist doing another degree,
00:32:58 --> 00:33:04 i i educate myself i for me every time i love doing that but every time i,
00:33:05 --> 00:33:10 learn more achieve more evolve as a person it's a victory for me there as well so i love that
00:33:10 --> 00:33:14 but don't get any negative thoughts that stick with me anything that comes along
00:33:14 --> 00:33:18 i know it's not true because i know why and where it comes from it does help
00:33:18 --> 00:33:20 being a therapist it makes life a lot easier.
00:33:20 --> 00:33:22 Well, yeah, of course.
00:33:22 --> 00:33:29 But I use their negative belief systems, not a lot, but as a small percentage to...
00:33:30 --> 00:33:35 Help me to achieve my goals without telling me I can't do something.
00:33:35 --> 00:33:40 So nowadays people tell me that I can't do something, I'm always going to go and do it.
00:33:41 --> 00:33:46 So I use it to my advantage. Well, that's, you know what, I think that's such
00:33:46 --> 00:33:51 a powerful shift for you, powerful mind shift, because then that puts you in
00:33:51 --> 00:33:53 control, completely in control.
00:33:53 --> 00:33:58 Because it costs me years. And this is the thing, this is why I do as many things
00:33:58 --> 00:34:01 as I can in life that i want to do and achieve,
00:34:01 --> 00:34:03 go to places learn things all
00:34:03 --> 00:34:09 the things i want to do live the life i want to live which i do because,
00:34:09 --> 00:34:14 i grew up believing what i was told why would i know anything different i know
00:34:14 --> 00:34:20 i was told that you can't do this that the an unskilled manual job is your lima
00:34:20 --> 00:34:24 and if you think of anything else why are you trying to be bad and everybody else.
00:34:25 --> 00:34:28 So there's all stuff that didn't really make sense but it was them showing me
00:34:28 --> 00:34:31 their own limitations and,
00:34:32 --> 00:34:35 my stepfather hated the fact i,
00:34:35 --> 00:34:40 became the person that he would love to have been i had friends he had known
00:34:40 --> 00:34:44 friends i had a personality i had a level of intelligence there people like
00:34:44 --> 00:34:47 me nobody liked him nobody respected him,
00:34:48 --> 00:34:55 he used to go on to like like my mom but nobody liked him or respected him so geo under why,
00:34:56 --> 00:35:01 oh the list is endless the list is endless is i say how many reasons do you want,
00:35:01 --> 00:35:06 but he hated the fact that people actually like me and he would do anything
00:35:06 --> 00:35:11 he could to try and sabotage that he would try and affect anything i could i
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12 always want to play football.
00:35:13 --> 00:35:18 And he just like our football's rubbish you guys soccer And I was like,
00:35:18 --> 00:35:19 yeah, well, I just want to play football.
00:35:20 --> 00:35:23 I want to join a team. I want to join a team. I used to badger my mom,
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26 I want to join a football team. I want to join a football team.
00:35:27 --> 00:35:30 And eventually, even then, they have to lie.
00:35:31 --> 00:35:36 She found an advert in the local newspaper as a new club foreman.
00:35:36 --> 00:35:39 They're holding trials. And I was like, I really want to go along,
00:35:39 --> 00:35:41 jumping around. I really want to go along.
00:35:41 --> 00:35:46 Now, she tells a story that he set up for me, which isn't true.
00:35:46 --> 00:35:49 So he would drop me off. I would go there and play.
00:35:50 --> 00:35:54 And it was just great because I escaped him and her,
00:35:55 --> 00:36:00 especially him, because i was suffering endless abuse from him so our football
00:36:00 --> 00:36:06 for those two hours a week during the week and then the football match there i was escaping from him,
00:36:07 --> 00:36:11 and then he started to hang around because obviously it is a young young boys
00:36:11 --> 00:36:15 which is the type of kids that he would abuse he started hanging around,
00:36:16 --> 00:36:21 the uh the train and and next thing you know he's talking to the manager And
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22 then one of the sessions,
00:36:23 --> 00:36:26 the manager has called us all over and sat down and he's like,
00:36:26 --> 00:36:28 I've got some really great news, everyone.
00:36:29 --> 00:36:33 Lee's dad is going to help run the football team. Oh God.
00:36:34 --> 00:36:39 My heart just sank. And I was like, even, and then the next thing you know,
00:36:39 --> 00:36:41 he's helping getting involved with that.
00:36:41 --> 00:36:44 Then he's like the chairman of a club there as well.
00:36:44 --> 00:36:47 And it was just like, how do I get away from this person there?
00:36:48 --> 00:36:55 So even then there was that, that no escape. So for me to, to be held back and
00:36:55 --> 00:36:57 all, and, and be, be given that.
00:36:57 --> 00:37:02 And that that i was pretty talented as a kid but and i had opportunities to
00:37:02 --> 00:37:08 to probably make it higher but if i had a bad game instead of just getting on
00:37:08 --> 00:37:11 the next one my confidence would just collapse i,
00:37:12 --> 00:37:17 was like a nervous wreck yeah and now look around and he was there wherever
00:37:17 --> 00:37:19 i looked he was there on the sideline.
00:37:20 --> 00:37:27 So i went into like adulthood with no confidence no belief that i could do anything.
00:37:27 --> 00:37:31 And so I ended up just doing job after job, not accomplishing anything.
00:37:31 --> 00:37:35 I didn't bother with qualifications because what's the point?
00:37:36 --> 00:37:40 And then as the years went by, I was like, I'm intelligent. I'm smart.
00:37:40 --> 00:37:44 This isn't right. And it wasn't an overnight epiphany. It was something that
00:37:44 --> 00:37:47 I just worked towards without realizing a lot of what I've gone through.
00:37:48 --> 00:37:51 But when I look back now, obviously I've made, I've changed my life,
00:37:51 --> 00:37:53 massive improvement, and,
00:37:54 --> 00:37:58 I'm doing the things i want to do in life because of everything they've done
00:37:58 --> 00:38:01 and put me through and the belief system that they instilled in me it cost me
00:38:01 --> 00:38:06 years yes for me now i maximize my life to the best of,
00:38:07 --> 00:38:12 my ability good for you good for you you know that's i love hearing that because
00:38:12 --> 00:38:13 it's so encouraging that.
00:38:14 --> 00:38:19 That someone even in a circumstance like you were in or a circumstance like
00:38:19 --> 00:38:24 Natasha was in, in her life, that you can remove yourself, you can,
00:38:25 --> 00:38:32 you can create a different life for yourself. And something that you said earlier stuck with me.
00:38:33 --> 00:38:39 Eventually you understood that what was happening to you was something that was done to you.
00:38:39 --> 00:38:42 Wasn't your fault, wasn't who you were.
00:38:43 --> 00:38:45 How did you learn to separate.
00:38:48 --> 00:38:54 What was done to you and what happened to you and that it wasn't your fault,
00:38:54 --> 00:38:58 that this was all you were a product of your environment yeah i mean,
00:38:59 --> 00:39:04 i didn't know a lot of what i'd been through because it had been blocked out
00:39:04 --> 00:39:12 for years it wasn't until i started having therapy with my first therapist karen she she was amazing,
00:39:15 --> 00:39:20 with Karen and we had some therapy sessions and things started coming up for
00:39:20 --> 00:39:24 me. I didn't realize I'd been numb to so much for so many years.
00:39:24 --> 00:39:29 And I remember out of nowhere, all these emotions just come to the surface and I was in floods of tears.
00:39:29 --> 00:39:33 And I suddenly realized, I can't remember last time I cried.
00:39:34 --> 00:39:36 I cannot remember last. And I was thinking, this must be years ago.
00:39:37 --> 00:39:38 And I couldn't even remember when that was.
00:39:39 --> 00:39:43 So all these emotions started coming up and along with all of the trauma and
00:39:43 --> 00:39:51 a lot of the abuse come up and she was amazing at and helped me process and understand her but.
00:39:52 --> 00:39:57 As a kid you always think you're made to feel that you're the problem and as
00:39:57 --> 00:39:59 a child the child's brain you'll always come,
00:39:59 --> 00:40:06 to the conclusion that you're you're the problem now with with the abuse i knew
00:40:06 --> 00:40:10 that wasn't my fault all down to me i always knew that as a kids but,
00:40:10 --> 00:40:15 uh but also some of the comments that they would say about me that i'm ruining
00:40:15 --> 00:40:16 the family i've done this or that,
00:40:17 --> 00:40:19 it didn't make sense to me as a kid because none of it was true.
00:40:21 --> 00:40:26 I i didn't understand that he was saying these things or she would say that
00:40:26 --> 00:40:32 but it weren't even true so i never really believed it i felt bad about myself
00:40:32 --> 00:40:35 because that's what they made but I didn't feel that,
00:40:36 --> 00:40:39 I caused any of this because it just didn't add up.
00:40:39 --> 00:40:43 And I know as a kid, if I'd done something wrong or if I've done something right,
00:40:44 --> 00:40:48 What did affect me was when I did things good at school or I did something and
00:40:48 --> 00:40:51 I got criticized for it or it was not good enough.
00:40:51 --> 00:40:55 So then I suffered from a fear of failure. I ended up not offering because if
00:40:55 --> 00:40:58 I do something good or bad, it's the same outcome, why do I care?
00:40:58 --> 00:41:03 But with my therapy session with Karen and with my current therapist,
00:41:03 --> 00:41:13 Amanda, it was very easy to separate abuse and me actually being at fault with any other.
00:41:13 --> 00:41:18 It's impossible. A child cannot, under any circumstances, be at fault with being
00:41:18 --> 00:41:23 abused. There's no circumstances. So that's the one for me. Yeah.
00:41:24 --> 00:41:30 You've survived so, so much in your life, abuse and obviously betrayal by your
00:41:30 --> 00:41:37 family, by your mom, knowing about the abuse and not either stopping it or being honest about it.
00:41:37 --> 00:41:47 All these family secrets, having this complex PTSD kind of swirling around your
00:41:47 --> 00:41:52 psyche, not to mention the fact that you find out you have a thousand half-siblings.
00:41:52 --> 00:41:58 And now you spend your life as a therapist helping other people navigate the
00:41:58 --> 00:41:59 things that they've survived.
00:41:59 --> 00:42:04 So as we kind of wind down this conversation, I want to ask you the thing that
00:42:04 --> 00:42:08 we like to try and ask everybody who's on the pod.
00:42:09 --> 00:42:12 What does being a survivor mean to you right now?
00:42:13 --> 00:42:18 I would say strength. I would say strength. I think so, because that's what
00:42:18 --> 00:42:20 it's taken to get through it.
00:42:21 --> 00:42:26 Because when you're going through a lot of trauma, abuse, you can go in different directions.
00:42:27 --> 00:42:32 And for me, I wanted to succeed no matter what.
00:42:32 --> 00:42:39 So my mindset was, let's do the opposite to what I was told I was good enough
00:42:39 --> 00:42:41 for or only worth, and let's achieve there.
00:42:41 --> 00:42:45 So I've used that and it's it's hard there's there's days,
00:42:45 --> 00:42:48 i could have i've got a week full of clients i wake up on a monday morning and
00:42:48 --> 00:42:53 because i've got cptsd i feel exhausted you feel like your legs are like hollow
00:42:53 --> 00:42:59 i've somehow got to find the energy but i become a therapist because i wanted to help people and and.
00:43:00 --> 00:43:05 With the having the strength obviously being a therapist that inspired me,
00:43:06 --> 00:43:11 because I want the short version I give people is I want to be there to help
00:43:11 --> 00:43:15 other people when nobody else was there to help me because I might be that one
00:43:15 --> 00:43:19 person that that person has got and that's been the case there as well,
00:43:20 --> 00:43:25 so I just try to use strength and and achieving the things that I want to achieve
00:43:25 --> 00:43:30 and do that best version of yourself which frustrates me because that's something that,
00:43:31 --> 00:43:35 I would love to have known what it would have been if I'd had a like a half
00:43:35 --> 00:43:39 decent start decent parents there but it is what it is so let's make the most
00:43:39 --> 00:43:41 of it now but it's not been easy,
00:43:42 --> 00:43:47 but i think strength's probably been the best thing that i've been able to have to get me through it.
00:43:48 --> 00:43:53 And lee i just have to say really quickly if you don't mind yeah of course what
00:43:53 --> 00:43:58 you just barely said there i felt like it was coming out of my own soul.
00:44:00 --> 00:44:04 I resonated with so much of what you said there. And, you know,
00:44:04 --> 00:44:08 we talk about why we do this, like why all three of us do what we do.
00:44:09 --> 00:44:13 And that is to help other people feel less alone in their journey.
00:44:13 --> 00:44:19 And I just, wow, thank you so much because I so much of the time still feel,
00:44:19 --> 00:44:24 like I'm the only one that is feeling what I'm feeling or why am I exhausted
00:44:24 --> 00:44:25 all the time and things like that.
00:44:25 --> 00:44:33 You know, I was diagnosed with CPTSD at 19 years old, and it's a lifelong struggle.
00:44:33 --> 00:44:37 So thank you so much for being so open and honest about that. I really appreciate it.
00:44:38 --> 00:44:41 Absolute pleasure. Great to see you guys.
00:44:42 --> 00:44:47 Oh, well, I also want to make sure that I mention that you, and we talked about
00:44:47 --> 00:44:51 this at the top of the episode, that the reason why we all know each other is
00:44:51 --> 00:44:53 because of your podcast, Adversity to Strength.
00:44:53 --> 00:44:58 So that's yet another way that you're influencing people's lives and that you're,
00:44:59 --> 00:45:05 creating a community and a support system for people who are dealing with adversity
00:45:05 --> 00:45:12 and helping them to see that there is a way to flesh out that strength and to
00:45:12 --> 00:45:14 come out on the other side of whatever they're,
00:45:14 --> 00:45:20 dealing with healthier and more grounded and more of the person that they want to be.
00:45:20 --> 00:45:27 So obviously, your practice, your podcast, your story, everything will be in the show notes.
00:45:27 --> 00:45:33 We're going to have links for people to listen to your story on your own podcast
00:45:33 --> 00:45:37 and obviously ways to connect with you because I know you love to connect.
00:45:37 --> 00:45:40 You're very, very good at communicating.
00:45:41 --> 00:45:44 And I know that if people are reaching out to Lee for whatever reason,
00:45:44 --> 00:45:48 he'll be reaching back. There's no doubt about that. So we just really appreciate
00:45:48 --> 00:45:52 you being here and you trusting us with your story. I know it's a really,
00:45:52 --> 00:45:53 really complicated one.
00:45:55 --> 00:45:59 And we're grateful that we can help share it on this side of the pond,
00:45:59 --> 00:46:05 because I know that between us, we're broadcasting, obviously, everywhere.
00:46:05 --> 00:46:08 But we have audiences that you don't have, you have audiences that we don't
00:46:08 --> 00:46:12 have. So it's nice when we can kind of cross-pollinate those audiences and get
00:46:12 --> 00:46:17 everybody's stories out. So thank you for being here. We appreciate you and
00:46:17 --> 00:46:19 everything that you're doing as a survivor.
00:46:19 --> 00:46:23 And to everybody who's listening, just remember the thing we always ask you
00:46:23 --> 00:46:26 to remember is that we are all surviving something.
00:46:27 --> 00:46:31 And we'll be back next week, surviving something else right there with you.
00:46:31 --> 00:46:34 Thank you. Thanks for having me. Our pleasure.
00:46:35 --> 00:46:39 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of the Survivors community.
00:46:40 --> 00:46:43 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone, and you're definitely
00:46:43 --> 00:46:47 not broken. Healing takes time, and it looks different for everyone.
00:46:48 --> 00:46:52 The fact that you're still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:46:53 --> 00:46:57 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:46:57 --> 00:46:58 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:46:59 --> 00:47:03 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:47:04 --> 00:47:08 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember help is always out there.
00:47:08 --> 00:47:13 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:47:13 --> 00:47:17 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:47:17 --> 00:47:21 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:47:21 --> 00:47:24 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:47:24 --> 00:47:28 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:47:29 --> 00:47:33 Until then, take care of yourself and your people, and keep surviving.