In this heartfelt episode of The Survivors Podcast, Lisa and Gretchen explore how rituals help us stay connected after suicide loss. Together, they share personal practices, lessons learned, and ways to honor loved ones while continuing to heal.
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Episode Summary
This week, Lisa and Gretchen dive into the importance of grief rituals after suicide loss. From writing letters to lighting candles, from laughing at memories to acts of kindness, they discuss how rituals can ground us, create connection, and bring meaning to the healing journey. Together, they remind us that there’s no “right” way to grieve—only the ways that feel authentic to you.
Lessons Learned
- Rituals don’t have to be big or formal—they can be quiet, personal, and deeply meaningful.
- Staying connected through rituals provides comfort and structure in the chaos of grief.
- Healing is not linear—patience, grace, and small intentional acts matter.
- Writing to your past or future self can be a powerful way to reflect and grow.
- Community and shared practices make grief a little less heavy when carried together.
Chapters
00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Message
01:19 – Why Rituals Matter After Suicide Loss
02:46 – Gretchen’s Story: Surviving & Celebrating Life
04:11 – Personal Rituals That Bring Connection
07:10 – Finding Rhythm in Grief
09:53 – Writing Letters to the Past, Present, & Future
13:22 – The Power of Daily Rituals in Healing
15:19 – Taking It One Day at a Time
17:31 – Rituals as Anchors Through Grief
22:13 – Building Community Through Shared Rituals
23:52 – Honoring Growth & Survival
24:46 – No “Right” Way to Grieve
26:14 – Closing Reflections & Resources
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The Survivors is brought to you by our friends at the Help Hub. This
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podcast mentions suicide, mental illness, grief and loss and may be
00:00:08
triggering for some listeners. So please take care of your mental well being
00:00:12
by pausing or skipping any sections that feel uncomfortable to you. And if
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you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for support.
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I always feel so professional when. When we're in our little
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online studio world, don't you? Oh, I do. I
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feel so professional. You're making fun of me now. That's so rude. In my
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little hovel. Yes, yes, I know. In your little square with the
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yellow trim. So I thought it might be
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nice for people who are in this position
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of grieving this kind of loss that we talk about so much.
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I think it would be beneficial if we talked about
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how do we stay connected after suicide
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loss. And I feel like
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this is both a kind of a tender and a powerful episode
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because I feel like it can give us comfort. We always
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feel so untethered when we lose someone.
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We feel so disconnected from them.
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We feel so far away. And yet
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there are things that we can do, we can all do to create
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connection and to give us comfort and even a little bit
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of peace after suicide loss.
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And so I think that having that conversation focused
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on those grief rituals, which I know you do and I know I
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do, would be important.
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Yeah. So I can tell you from a
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suicide attempt survivor what, like what
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I do for myself, my. My rituals. So I
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am coming up on two years now.
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So the first year after I celebrated, because
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I am still here, I, I picked up the
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phone, I. I called 988 and I decided to make it
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to the next day
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and I had a little cry and I was okay with that,
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but I knew all the work that I had put into get
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where I was from where I was to where I am now.
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And I like have a whole new set of tools so I
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could think about it differently and, and feel
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better about myself about what I was going through that
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got me to where I was and to where I. Where I got to like
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the year later. Yeah. What was the thing that you did to celebrate?
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I actually put up Christmas lights, I decorated the house,
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and I did some random acts of
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kindness and really had a deep talk
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with myself and I'm. I told myself how proud
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I am. I'm proud that I, I did the things I
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needed to do. What parts of those
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acts will you continue? Do you see yourself doing those things as
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rituals every year? Every year? Yeah, for sure.
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Because every year That I make it to that next Christmas.
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I know I lived another year. I love that. So.
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I know that that word ritual can sound
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a little formal. Maybe some people feel like it sounds
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spiritual or maybe even intimidating. But
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what we're talking about is much simpler. It's much
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more personal and meaningful. And it relates
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just to the way that we stay connected to the people that we've lost. And
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there are a million different ways that we can do that.
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But whatever way we choose is something
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that helps keep us steady in those moments when
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we feel like we're drifting away.
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So it's an intentional act. Like, think
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of it that way. It's an intentional act that you create or you repeat. And
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it's going to honor the memory of the person
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that you lost. It can come in the form of light a
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candle on their birthday, buy a cupcake and sing happy birthday
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and eat the cupcake in their
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memory. You can listen to the songs that they loved. You
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can write them letters. Maybe it's on a special occasion,
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a birthday letter, an anniversary letter, if it's a partner, or
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maybe it's the anniversary of when they passed, or maybe just sitting in
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a space that reminds you of them. I know for myself,
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my father and I shared so much time in nature
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and on mountains and on trails that when I
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want to feel closer to my father and I want to honor my father,
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I go north. I go north and I find the trails that
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we climb together and summit the peaks that
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we climbed together when I was a kid. And
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I sit in those spaces, I walk in those spaces remembering that I walked
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there with him. But they don't have to be
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big public declarations or
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big rituals that are involved and lots of
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moving parts. I feel like the most important ones, the most powerful ones are
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the quiet ones, the personal ones. Don't you. Do you feel that way?
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Yeah. For me, it's holding a piece of jewelry in my
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hand, why I'm talking
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to myself. And it's my act of self love and
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self care on those days and
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being at peace with the moment. Yeah,
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I love that. I love why these
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rituals matter, why they're so important. They, you know, grief, especially
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any kind of grief, but especially grief after a suicide. Loss
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is so chaotic and
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it's so gut wrenching. Oftentimes there's no outlet for that. There's
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no way to express that, especially in the early days and months
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and years. But I feel like rituals help us
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to somehow create
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an outlet. They help us to funnel, filter,
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collect all of that into a Place we get to
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remember our people without necessarily unraveling when we do it.
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Or, okay, maybe we do. Maybe. Maybe we do the thing that we think
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about our person while we're doing and we're crying our eyes out, and that's okay
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too. But they help us stay connected.
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And I always find that I use the word tethered
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because that's how I feel about my dad.
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I still very actively feel that connection.
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And I feel like having things like rituals, things that I do every
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year, they just.
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They create a rhythm. Even though grief is so random in so many
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ways and so unpredictable, I do
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feel like things like rituals allow us
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to build a rhythm around them. Does that make sense? It does. And
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because everything ebbs and flows and having.
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Having your own rhythm to get through those emotions,
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that's really important. It's okay to sit with them. And
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my. One of my other rituals, it's not just a ritual, but
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I would go back and, like, laugh at some of the things that happened
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because, you know, hindsight is 20 20,
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and I gave myself permission to laugh. You would think that it's a
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horrible thing to laugh at the grief and the hurt.
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But as I was writing my book,
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I found myself actively laughing at some of the things that
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happened. And I was okay with that. Now, if I
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had done that, like two years ago, there's no way I could have laughed about
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it because everything hurt. But for each year that
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I make it to that next Christmas, I know things are gonna be
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okay. Yeah. And those
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rituals become like carrots in a way, don't
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they? They do. Where you just
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begin to look forward to them. I actually think that
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in a lot of ways, the rituals that I've
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built, created whatever word you wanna use. With my dad in
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particular, I feel like it's actually
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helped to build our relationship. Like, you
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think when you lose a person that your. Your
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connection to that person is severed. That person is not there
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anymore. That person physically can't talk to you. You can't put your arms around
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them. And so there's this natural, I
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guess, end point where you think, okay, nothing new can be created after that
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point. Right, right. That would be the logical in your brain, what your head
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would tell you. And it's definitely what my head told me in the very beginning.
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But then I realized that as I got
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older and as I created more and more rituals
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that made me feel closer to my father, it
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actually expanded my relationship, it grew my relationship
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with my father. I. I have a ritual when I
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come to the anniversary every year in the beginning of August,
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when my father passed away, I write to him.
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I write a letter to him, kind of a
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random stream of consciousness letter. And
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I. Sometimes I'll switch hands
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and I'll write what I want to say in one hand and what I think
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he's going to say in the other hand. And. And you'd be very
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surprised what comes out when you do something like that.
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And I started that ritual only a handful of years ago,
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and it's been a very powerful one. And I feel like through those, and I
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put them in air quotes, conversations that we have
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together, I've learned a little bit more. I ask
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him questions that I think I might know the answer to. Sometimes
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what I write down surprises even me. But
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we can still use things like rituals
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to devolve our relationship with our people.
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And if you're an attempt survivor, do the same thing.
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I wrote a letter to myself, my past
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self. It was very healing.
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And I think what I want to do, starting every Christmas,
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going forward is to do the same thing right back to that
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person. Because I am not the same person I was in
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2022. I'm still physically
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the same person, but mentally and emotionally,
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I've changed, I've grown, I evolved,
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and I gave myself permission to be like, you know what?
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There's no shame, there's no stigma. There's
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nothing. You survived. You know
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what? I just had a thought while I was listening to you say
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what you would do writing to your past self. Here's
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a question. Would you ever consider doing, like, a time
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capsule for yourself and writing to your future
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self? Ooh, I never thought about that
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I could do that. That sounds cool. Yeah, I didn't know. I didn't think it
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was anything you and I had ever talked about. Because you and I have definitely
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talked about you writing letters to yourself in the
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past. For sure, we've talked about that, but that just popped into
00:12:00
my brain. I wonder what it would be like if you, over the next five
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years or 10 years, created a time capsule and
00:12:08
wrote to yourself in the future.
00:12:13
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or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to the Help
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Hub, your online destination for mental health resources,
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individualized resources tailored to your unique needs and community,
00:12:35
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00:12:39
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even though we all deal with many of the same challenges, we don't always expect
00:12:46
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00:12:50
crisis support, downloadable resources, or an
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extensive archive of mental health related articles and videos, we've got
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you. From episodes of the Survivors podcast for suicide loss
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survivors, lived experience, blogs to interactive
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today.
00:13:22
I kind of like that idea. I think I'm gonna do that.
00:13:26
So I think one of the most meaningful ways that I
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stay close to my dad through rituals
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is. I mean, I've said, I've said
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two of the bigger ones, the writing to him and
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the going hiking. But
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do you know that every single time. Did I ever tell you this? Every single
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time I get on a crisis call
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because I'm on crisis lifelines as a crisis counselor.
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Do you know that I. So I have a picture right off the screen. I've
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showed this picture, I think once or twice. It's been picture of
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my dad and me. It's the only picture of the two of us that exists
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and where it's just the two of us alone. Do you know that I talk
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to that picture every single day before a shift?
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And I say, I say good morning and
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I say, let's go do this together
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every day. And I feel
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somehow just more grounded and more intentional about
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the space that I'm going to hold for people when I know that he's. He's
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looking at. He's looking at me right now, he's eyeballing me right now.
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And I'm always glancing at that. And that's become like
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a daily ritual for me. And it's powerful. It's like, it's really
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powerful. It. It brings a smile to my face every single morning.
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And I love that you do that because it keeps you connected whether
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they're here or not. It's like me talking to
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myself. It's a ritual knowing that
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I'm still surviving, I'm still thriving, I still
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have bad days, but I can make it
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one day at a time. And I think that that's really important.
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Yeah, I think just thinking about one thing
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you just said about making it one day at a time.
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I think we all tend to think about things in
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their entirety in our brain. Like I have to keep doing
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my job that I don't love or I
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am in this sad headspace. When will it ever
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end? It's so overwhelming. I have this crazy long List
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of things that I have to do. We think about things, all of the
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things that. That we have to do. And isn't
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it so interesting when we do break things down and say, okay,
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I can do this today. I can do this thing
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right now. I can complete this task,
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and we just focus on being here
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in the moment. I feel like that's a very powerful trick.
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I think it's super powerful. And that. Just remind yourself that you're
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human. It's okay to have all the feels.
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That's how we're built. We're built to have all of the
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feels. I don't know why or when or how it
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became so stigmatized,
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this whole idea of being fallible.
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Like, where did that come from? I
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just think that we've gotten so far away as a
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culture from the reality that we are
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all human beings who
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feel everything, who fail, who
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are insecure, who are sad, who are fearful. When do people
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forget that? Because I feel like they really
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forgot. I think people forget that
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we're not perfect. We all make mistakes and.
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But it's the rituals that we hold
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around that, the day or the person
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or the event that
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help us to remember who we are.
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I think that's really important. Yeah, absolutely. And taking
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it one step further and connecting it to grief.
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Grief doesn't go away. Grief never, ever goes away. I mean, it
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definitely. We say this a lot. It ebbs and flows, it changes,
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but it doesn't go away. Rituals, those things we can count
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on, those little anchors, they help us carry it better.
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That's the whole point. They give us structure
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when things feel unstructured. And they
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create a space where our person who
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are grieving kind of sort of still exists, where their
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memory is active, I guess is the best way to say it. And.
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And they allow us to continue
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a relationship like I talked about before, even if it's
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transformed, even if it looks nothing like the
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relationship you had, and it is nothing like the relationship that you
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want, it's still a connection.
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And especially with something like suicide, loss, when
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there's just so much silence. There's so much silence
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and so much stigma. Rituals,
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they allow us to reclaim that relationship. I. Or I. I should
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say this is how I feel about all of these things. They have allowed
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me. The little rituals that I do regularly have
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allowed me to reclaim a relationship with my dad in a way that feels
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sacred to me. It feels safe. It feels very personal.
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Does that make sense? It does. It makes a ton of sense. And
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like, the rituals that I do for myself are
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Very personal. Right. They're not.
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They're not something where I want to include everybody else in and
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you don't have to. And I just want to do it for me.
00:19:22
Yeah. Yeah. And so I think that for
00:19:26
me is. For me, that's super important, that
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it's that one time, one day a year
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that I get to have all the fields and
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I get to reflect on
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how far I've come and
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still show up for myself. Hey, and guess what? You don't have to
00:19:53
relegate that to one day a year. I know. I
00:19:57
know that we have these markers. We have these milestones, and you and I have
00:19:59
talked a lot about milestones in the past, and those are valuable. They're important. They.
00:20:04
They give us a connection point,
00:20:08
and they're emotional, usually. But we don't
00:20:12
have to just restrict those feelings to those
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days or those rituals to those days. We're in
00:20:20
control of them. We get to pick and choose when we
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use them, how we use them,
00:20:27
how often we use them, and I love
00:20:31
that. And they're so simple. It can even just be the way you think about
00:20:34
something. Could be a ritual.
00:20:38
And I think just from my perspective, and maybe for other
00:20:42
survivors, you know, attempt survivors out there,
00:20:48
it offers me time to
00:20:51
offer myself patience and grace, because
00:20:56
I. I need to remember that
00:21:01
healing takes a really long time.
00:21:04
But the fact that I'm able to show up for myself every single
00:21:08
day, that means a lot to me. Yeah. And it
00:21:12
should mean a lot to you because it says a lot. It's proof
00:21:16
of the work that you do. It. It's proof
00:21:20
of your intention to want to be here.
00:21:24
So you should celebrate the hell out of that every single day. Oh, I do.
00:21:28
Every day. Every day. So
00:21:32
if you're listening to this conversation
00:21:36
and you're feeling disconnected from your
00:21:39
person who you've lost, or you're wondering,
00:21:43
how do I honor the person who I've lost? In a way that feels
00:21:47
real. I want to
00:21:51
invite you, and I'm speaking for G. G, and
00:21:54
I want to invite you. See, what I did to create your
00:21:58
own ritual doesn't have to be fancy. Just make it your own
00:22:02
ritual. If you have one, great. If
00:22:06
you've tried something that helped you feel more grounded in your grief,
00:22:10
great. We'd love to hear it. Shoot us a dm.
00:22:14
You can record us a voice message. If you go to the
00:22:17
survivors.net slide into
00:22:21
one of our social media sites. We'd love to hear
00:22:24
what you do, because I know for myself there have
00:22:28
been plenty of times that I've learned about what someone else has
00:22:32
done. And, hey, imitation is the highest form of flattery,
00:22:36
right? I've tried the thing that maybe never crossed
00:22:39
my mind, and now all of a sudden, because
00:22:43
someone shared something they did, now I do it, and I love
00:22:47
that I do it. So we want to be able
00:22:51
to share that with this community.
00:22:55
That's. That's what this is. That's what we're doing. We're building a community
00:23:00
who gets to share their tools and shares their experience and
00:23:03
shares our rituals and
00:23:07
shares our grief. Because when we
00:23:10
do that, everything's a little less hard when you do it in
00:23:14
community. And this is such a good, good
00:23:18
topic because one other ritual I did do
00:23:22
is, you know, my. When I turned 62 this year,
00:23:26
is that I remembered when everything went down. I was
00:23:29
59 and a half, and how much I've grown
00:23:33
and how happy I was to be alive. And
00:23:38
I. I didn't get to do the things I really wanted to do because
00:23:41
it was weather, because the weather was crap.
00:23:45
But I got to sit with myself and. And really, like,
00:23:50
be proud. I got. That was my rituals, being
00:23:54
proud of myself for how far I've come. That's a
00:23:57
lot. That's important. That's. That's a powerful thing to be able to do.
00:24:02
I would imagine as a survivor, being able to look back and say, hey,
00:24:06
I have covered a lot of ground, and I've covered it well, and I continue
00:24:10
to get better at covering new ground. That's powerful.
00:24:14
So the takeaway of all of
00:24:18
this, of this conversation is that.
00:24:22
And we're talking specifically about grief rituals, more than anything,
00:24:26
they give shape to all of that chaos
00:24:30
that's in our head and that it's in our life, and they
00:24:34
help us stay connected. And
00:24:37
here's another piece that. That I'm sure we've touched on it, but I don't think
00:24:41
I said this directly. There is no right way
00:24:45
to grieve. We know that. We know that for sure. But
00:24:49
there's also no right or wrong way to remember somebody
00:24:52
who we've lost. Whatever you do to honor
00:24:56
your person, even if it's something just. It's in your head, it's a thought process,
00:25:00
or it's a small gesture,
00:25:04
or you. You light a candle every year on
00:25:08
someone's anniversary. I mean, any of those things is the right
00:25:12
way. If it's the right way for you,
00:25:15
and they help us feel less alone.
00:25:19
Just remember that your grief, whatever
00:25:23
grief you're carrying, is valid, and so
00:25:26
is your way of honoring it, too, with whatever ritual and sutures.
00:25:32
And such an important conversation, and offer
00:25:36
yourself patience and grace. That's all I can say.
00:25:40
I'm glad we talked about this, because these are important things that
00:25:43
people who are in the thick of it may not recognize can be so helpful.
00:25:47
So if this kind of a conversation can
00:25:51
create a little spark in someone's heart to do something special
00:25:55
for someone they've lost, that makes them feel
00:25:59
a little lighter, well, then we've done what we intended to
00:26:02
do. Amen, sister. Hey, I love you, G. I love
00:26:06
you, girl. I want to come back and do this all over again with you
00:26:09
next week. Can we do that? Sounds like a lovely thing. Oh, doesn't it,
00:26:12
though? All right, I'll meet you right back here. Toodle. Okay. Toodaloo. Bye.
00:26:16
Bye. Thanks for joining us on the Survivors.
00:26:20
Remember, no matter how tough things feel, you are enough, and the
00:26:24
world needs you just the way you are. You're not alone in this journey. There's
00:26:28
a community here, and every step forward counts. We're so grateful
00:26:31
you took the time to listen, and we hope you'll take one day at a
00:26:34
time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
00:26:38
Thanks for being here. Friends, just remember, help is out there
00:26:42
in so many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
00:26:46
please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be
00:26:50
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
00:26:54
mental health resources, tools and content at
00:26:56
thehelphub.co. just remember that help is always
00:27:00
just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week. In the
00:27:03
meantime, keep surviving.