In this episode of The Survivors Podcast, Lisa and Gretchen get candid about caregiver burnout—the exhaustion, guilt, and compassion fatigue that often accompany supporting others. Together, they explore personal stories, lessons learned, and practical ways to take care of yourself while caring for someone else.
🎥 Watch the Video Podcast on YouTube:
A video version of this episode is available here: YouTube: @TheSurvivorsPodcastChannel
🌟 Episode Summary
Being a caregiver is one of the greatest acts of love—but it can also take a massive toll on your body, mind, and heart. In this conversation, Lisa and Gretchen talk openly about the reality of burnout: the warning signs, the weight of empathy, and the guilt that often keeps caregivers from putting themselves first. They share deeply personal experiences of caring for loved ones, navigating grief, and rediscovering boundaries. The episode closes with practical steps you can take to protect your energy, prioritize self-care, and remind yourself that you are not alone on this journey.
💡 Lessons Learned
- Burnout is more than just being tired—it can show up as irritability, withdrawal, compassion fatigue, or even physical illness.
- Self-care is not indulgent; it’s survival. Whether it’s a nap, a boundary, or asking for help, it matters.
- Breaking big challenges into smaller, manageable parts can ease overwhelm and help you move forward.
- Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re an act of love for yourself and for those you support.
- No one is meant to caregive alone—support systems, therapy, and community are essential.
⏱️ Chapters
00:00 – Trigger Warning & Introduction
01:20 – Caregiving as an Act of Love (and Exhaustion)
04:00 – Lisa’s Story: Growing Up as a Caregiver
06:20 – Gretchen’s Story: Empathy, Anxiety, and Caregiving Burnout
08:00 – Signs of Burnout Beyond “Tired”
10:30 – Overwhelm and the Power of Focusing on One Thing
13:40 – The Weight of Guilt and Self-Care Myths
17:00 – Defining Self-Care and Boundaries
20:00 – The Importance of Asking for Help
21:30 – Supporting Others Through Grief and Loss
24:00 – Boundaries as the Key to Healing
26:00 – Final Takeaways: Warning Signs, Self-Love, and Support Systems
28:30 – Closing Reflections & Season Finale Tease
📚 Resources for Mental Health & Support
🔹 The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
🔹 The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
🔹 Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions – Mental wellness coaching & support – https://schosersolutions.com/
🔹 Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads – A raw, award-winning mental health podcast – https://goesoninourheads.net/
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🎙️ See You Next Week! Stay strong, keep going, and remember: You are enough. 💜
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00:00:01 --> 00:00:05 This podcast mentions suicide, mental illness, grief, and loss,
00:00:05 --> 00:00:06 and may be triggering for some listeners.
00:00:07 --> 00:00:11 So please take care of your well-being by pausing or skipping any sections that
00:00:11 --> 00:00:12 feel uncomfortable to you.
00:00:12 --> 00:00:16 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for support.
00:00:18 --> 00:00:24 Hi. Hi. Long time no see. I know, right? Feels like almost exactly a week.
00:00:24 --> 00:00:27 Wow. Where did time go?
00:00:27 --> 00:00:31 Time is so distorted here. here in the interweb.
00:00:32 --> 00:00:39 So we're back now, and it's shockingly the end of September, which feels weird.
00:00:39 --> 00:00:44 So here's a thought about a conversation that I know we haven't had,
00:00:44 --> 00:00:45 that I think is incredibly relevant,
00:00:46 --> 00:00:50 that I feel like everybody to some degree has had to deal with,
00:00:50 --> 00:00:58 and that's the burnout that you get as a caregiver when you're the one supporting
00:00:58 --> 00:01:01 the person who is struggling.
00:01:01 --> 00:01:06 And I know in the context of this podcast and the conversations that you and
00:01:06 --> 00:01:09 I usually have, that relates to mental illness.
00:01:09 --> 00:01:14 But it can relate to a lot of different things. I mean, you and I are the survivors
00:01:14 --> 00:01:19 talking about surviving. And even though we talk mostly about suicide survival,
00:01:19 --> 00:01:22 we're also still talking about the other parts of life that we survive too.
00:01:22 --> 00:01:28 So I feel like this conversation could relate to someone who's caring for someone
00:01:28 --> 00:01:34 who's ill, physically ill, mentally ill, emotionally unwell,
00:01:34 --> 00:01:36 parent, child, partner.
00:01:37 --> 00:01:40 You down to have that conversation? I am down to having that conversation.
00:01:41 --> 00:01:45 I knew it. I just felt it in my bones. So I want to ask you a question.
00:01:46 --> 00:01:52 Ask away. If you've ever been the person holding everything together for someone
00:01:52 --> 00:01:55 else, and I believe that you have.
00:01:56 --> 00:02:01 You know how exhausting it can be, right? Utterly exhausting. Mm-hmm.
00:02:02 --> 00:02:07 So being that caregiver is an act of love for sure.
00:02:08 --> 00:02:14 Like, I think above anything else, it is one of the ultimate acts of love.
00:02:14 --> 00:02:19 But it can also take a massive, massive toll. It can.
00:02:20 --> 00:02:27 I can add something onto that that a lot of caregivers out there may not have. is I'm also an empath.
00:02:28 --> 00:02:33 So you add all the extra caregiving, right, and then add that empathy,
00:02:34 --> 00:02:36 that empath part into it.
00:02:37 --> 00:02:40 It's exhausting. And you need to take care of yourself.
00:02:41 --> 00:02:46 Yes, yes, you do. And that, I mean, I think if you listen to nothing else that
00:02:46 --> 00:02:50 we talk about here in the next half an hour, that's the point that you take
00:02:50 --> 00:02:56 away, is that on any given Sunday, it's hard enough for any of us to take care of ourselves.
00:02:56 --> 00:03:01 Then when you throw in the responsibility of taking care of someone else and
00:03:01 --> 00:03:04 supporting someone else, especially somebody who's struggling either emotionally
00:03:04 --> 00:03:09 or physically, that is a rough position to be in.
00:03:10 --> 00:03:16 It feels oftentimes like it is a never-ending position that you're in.
00:03:17 --> 00:03:21 And it looks like a lot of different things for a lot of different people.
00:03:22 --> 00:03:28 And it sometimes feels and seems very impossible to take care of yourself when
00:03:28 --> 00:03:29 you're in that situation.
00:03:29 --> 00:03:34 It's funny because I knew what we were going to talk about before I sprung it on you.
00:03:34 --> 00:03:43 But I didn't think of one thing that comes from my own personal life and experience
00:03:43 --> 00:03:46 that is so incredibly relevant to this conversation.
00:03:46 --> 00:03:52 I kind of wish my mother was involved in this conversation because she could really speak to it.
00:03:53 --> 00:04:00 I grew up with my grandmother living with me for 12 years of my life from the
00:04:00 --> 00:04:03 time I was 12 until the time I was 24, my mother's mother.
00:04:03 --> 00:04:07 So it was the three generations of us living at home. And my grandmother was,
00:04:08 --> 00:04:12 at the time, she was in her 80s, her mid-80s when she came to us.
00:04:12 --> 00:04:18 And my grandmother never drove. and she was already walking with a cane by the time she came to us.
00:04:18 --> 00:04:21 My grandmother was like a bubby. You know, the bubby is the...
00:04:22 --> 00:04:27 Yiddish word jewish word for grandmother and she was like that typical like wore a house code and,
00:04:28 --> 00:04:34 you know was was never like go off and go for a walk around the neighborhood
00:04:34 --> 00:04:37 kind of person like she was not like that my my grandmother just did not have
00:04:37 --> 00:04:41 that kind of stamina the world was different than like my mother goes for you
00:04:41 --> 00:04:47 know walks and and goes off and she's out shopping and they drive and all these things.
00:04:48 --> 00:04:55 But my grandmother came to live with us and my mother was on call 24 hours a day.
00:04:55 --> 00:04:57 Her older sister lived up the street and around the corner and was definitely
00:04:57 --> 00:04:59 there and accessible and available.
00:04:59 --> 00:05:04 But it was my mother and then it was me. So I grew up giving my grandmother
00:05:04 --> 00:05:09 sponge baths and making sure my grandmother didn't have bed sores and making
00:05:09 --> 00:05:15 her meals and walking her to and from the kitchen and dealing with it when she had to be in rehab.
00:05:15 --> 00:05:22 And it's so interesting that now I look at that as a grown-up and I look at
00:05:22 --> 00:05:24 my mother and what she went through.
00:05:24 --> 00:05:28 And there are very few things in the world that give you like very crystal clear perspective.
00:05:28 --> 00:05:34 Like having kids and being a parent gives you crystal clear perspective on what
00:05:34 --> 00:05:36 it's like to, you know, be a parent and what your parents went through.
00:05:37 --> 00:05:42 Being a caregiver like that, boy, did that open my eyes to what my mom went
00:05:42 --> 00:05:44 through. And I just don't even know how she did it.
00:05:45 --> 00:05:50 I don't. Yeah, because it is. It's so, so exhausting.
00:05:51 --> 00:05:56 But you also have your own needs. You need to make sure you're getting enough rest,
00:05:56 --> 00:06:02 that you're getting enough me time, that you're taking care of the things that
00:06:02 --> 00:06:08 are important for you so you can continue to take care of the things around you.
00:06:08 --> 00:06:13 And that's no matter if you're a caregiver, if you're a parent, if you're a spouse.
00:06:14 --> 00:06:20 You have to take care of you. And because that is really part of my story.
00:06:20 --> 00:06:23 You know, my wife had gotten shingles for eight weeks.
00:06:24 --> 00:06:29 If you've ever been around anybody that has shingles, it's horrifying because
00:06:29 --> 00:06:30 there's nothing you can do for them.
00:06:31 --> 00:06:37 But being an empath, I took on all her pain on top of everything else that was going on in my life.
00:06:37 --> 00:06:40 And they didn't take care of me.
00:06:40 --> 00:06:46 Yeah, that's so hard because that kind of physical and emotional strain,
00:06:46 --> 00:06:47 I'm also an empath, you know that.
00:06:47 --> 00:06:51 We talk about that, you and I, all the time. We compare empath notes all the time.
00:06:52 --> 00:06:56 And I feel everybody's vibrations and feelings and highs and lows,
00:06:56 --> 00:07:01 especially my own family, but of course, for sure, the extended world around me.
00:07:01 --> 00:07:08 And that mental and physical strain that we take on and internalize,
00:07:08 --> 00:07:11 boy, does that accumulate over time.
00:07:12 --> 00:07:15 And boy, does that become heavy to carry.
00:07:15 --> 00:07:22 And it makes it very difficult to navigate your own stuff, your own responsibilities,
00:07:22 --> 00:07:27 your own checklist. And it creates burnout.
00:07:27 --> 00:07:32 It creates real, live, palatable burnout.
00:07:32 --> 00:07:38 So, okay, let's talk about burnout. Let's talk about the signs of burnout.
00:07:38 --> 00:07:42 A lot of people think, oh, burnout means I'm just really tired. Nope.
00:07:43 --> 00:07:49 That is not it. You are pretty much checked out. Mm-hmm. It's that.
00:07:49 --> 00:07:53 It's also manifesting in things like irritability.
00:07:55 --> 00:07:59 It's compassion fatigue. We talked a little bit about that, I believe, last week.
00:08:00 --> 00:08:04 It can be something like withdrawal.
00:08:05 --> 00:08:08 All of a sudden, you see the person who's overwhelmed is withdrawing.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:15 You can see someone all of a sudden being resentful in ways that they were never.
00:08:15 --> 00:08:20 You can even see it manifesting in physical ways. Like everybody knows,
00:08:20 --> 00:08:23 depression can completely incapacitate a person.
00:08:23 --> 00:08:31 Depression can, it's been proven, can cause stomach problems and ulcers and
00:08:31 --> 00:08:38 gastrointestinal issues and real feelings of illness.
00:08:38 --> 00:08:45 So it's important that we, you and I and others in this mental health space,
00:08:45 --> 00:08:49 have these conversations clarifying like, okay, guys, burnout's not just about
00:08:49 --> 00:08:51 being like super tired, like you need an extra nap.
00:08:51 --> 00:08:57 It can impact so many other parts of your wellness that you don't even realize.
00:08:58 --> 00:08:59 I think one of the big ones for
00:08:59 --> 00:09:05 me is I was super anxious. My anxiety was through the roof and super edgy.
00:09:06 --> 00:09:14 Super, super edgy. And I was sleeping right and I just didn't want to be around anybody.
00:09:14 --> 00:09:18 My motivation tanked. It was a lot of things.
00:09:18 --> 00:09:25 But i still had this other living human i needed to take care of and not knowing how to.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:32 Split the duties i don't even know if the duties is the word but split that
00:09:32 --> 00:09:38 up so that i have like my personal stuff me and then my wife and all the things
00:09:38 --> 00:09:43 going on with her i didn't know how to see them separately.
00:09:43 --> 00:09:50 I saw it all as one big chunk of crap that I wasn't dealing with very well.
00:09:51 --> 00:09:56 And that's got to be incredibly overwhelming and super heavy.
00:09:56 --> 00:10:01 And like, how do you get out from under that? And I think that that kind of
00:10:01 --> 00:10:07 processing or thinking is what gets a lot of us into trouble with our mental
00:10:07 --> 00:10:11 health and wellness, because we think about all the things in their entirety.
00:10:12 --> 00:10:16 We think about all the things that we have to do.
00:10:16 --> 00:10:19 Interesting, I was on the lifeline this morning.
00:10:19 --> 00:10:26 I'm always on lifelines the same time every week, and I tend to have repeat
00:10:26 --> 00:10:33 callers who we call familiar voices come and chat with me, and so I get to know them.
00:10:34 --> 00:10:36 And I had someone.
00:10:37 --> 00:10:42 Reach out this morning, who was just every little thing about their life was
00:10:42 --> 00:10:46 just in complete disarray. They felt overwhelmed.
00:10:46 --> 00:10:49 They felt like everything was going wrong. It was the worst time in their life.
00:10:49 --> 00:10:53 They were so ill-equipped to deal with what they were dealing with.
00:10:53 --> 00:10:58 And it was because they kept thinking of every single solitary thing as one
00:10:58 --> 00:11:01 big lump of responsibilities.
00:11:01 --> 00:11:06 And I said, okay, tell me right now, what is the most important thing to you
00:11:06 --> 00:11:10 on this whole laundry list of things that you just gave me that are upsetting you?
00:11:10 --> 00:11:16 And they identified the one thing. And I said, okay, let's just isolate that
00:11:16 --> 00:11:18 thing right here, right now.
00:11:18 --> 00:11:20 It doesn't matter. For the purposes of this conversation, it doesn't even matter
00:11:20 --> 00:11:23 what that thing was. But take out that one thing.
00:11:23 --> 00:11:26 Is it something that if you put time and energy and focus into,
00:11:26 --> 00:11:35 you can maybe, we together can maybe find a solution for or help for whatever it is that you need?
00:11:35 --> 00:11:39 They agreed, yes. Okay, so we removed everything else from the conversation
00:11:39 --> 00:11:40 and focused on one thing.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:45 We figured out the thing, how that person was going to navigate that thing,
00:11:45 --> 00:11:47 the resources that they need, how they were going to get it, blah, blah, blah.
00:11:48 --> 00:11:52 At the end of the conversation, I said, okay, we just spent five minutes talking
00:11:52 --> 00:11:55 about one thing and not all of the other things.
00:11:55 --> 00:11:59 And we got that one thing figured out. How do you feel now? And they were like, wow.
00:12:00 --> 00:12:02 Like, you could just hear it. Like, you could hear it in their voice.
00:12:02 --> 00:12:07 They were like, wow, my brain feels so different. My brain feels so much lighter.
00:12:07 --> 00:12:15 I feel like, okay, okay. Like, I can see that there is the potential to fix
00:12:15 --> 00:12:17 things. And that's what I'm trying to say.
00:12:17 --> 00:12:25 I'm using that as an example to say, like, when we allow ourselves to just get
00:12:25 --> 00:12:31 caught underneath the weight of all the things and we don't chip away, we're stuck.
00:12:32 --> 00:12:35 But if we chip away at one little part here and then the next and then the next,
00:12:36 --> 00:12:37 that's how we get out from under.
00:12:37 --> 00:12:44 And you know i i had wished that i had had those types of tools when i was going
00:12:44 --> 00:12:50 through all my stuff but i didn't realize because at the same time i didn't
00:12:50 --> 00:12:52 realize what was happening to me,
00:12:53 --> 00:12:57 and so it was hard to put stuff into little chunks
00:12:57 --> 00:13:05 and still deal with my own mental messiness And depression and all that And
00:13:05 --> 00:13:11 so like having this conversation Like I wish I had heard this You know two years
00:13:11 --> 00:13:16 ago When my life was Completely in disarray.
00:13:17 --> 00:13:22 Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone?
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00:13:31 --> 00:13:33 challenges you're facing in the moment.
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00:13:43 --> 00:13:46 personalized help you need when you need it most.
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00:14:25 --> 00:14:31 Yeah, and so that impacts everything about your life, which means it affects
00:14:31 --> 00:14:34 your work life, it affects your personal life, it affects your relationship,
00:14:34 --> 00:14:39 it affects the things that maybe your wife is dealing with.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:42 It makes those seem so much more heightened and terrible.
00:14:43 --> 00:14:50 And we all don't have the capacity in the ways that we wish we did to take that step back,
00:14:51 --> 00:14:57 especially when we're in a role as a caregiver because there's an extra layer
00:14:57 --> 00:15:01 of stuff that we're carrying and there's so much attached to that.
00:15:01 --> 00:15:07 It's not just the extra attention and the extra tasks and the extra brain power and heart power.
00:15:07 --> 00:15:11 There's a lot of stuff that comes along with being a caregiver that we don't
00:15:11 --> 00:15:14 even consider, like guilt.
00:15:15 --> 00:15:21 That's a big part of the struggle that is being a caregiver.
00:15:22 --> 00:15:27 People feel guilty taking time off. People feel guilty taking a break or wanting
00:15:27 --> 00:15:33 time for themselves, even just to refuel or even to remember to eat or even to remember to sleep.
00:15:34 --> 00:15:41 But the truth is, you cannot sustainably support other people if your tank is
00:15:41 --> 00:15:44 empty, if you're not considering yourself and what you need.
00:15:45 --> 00:15:50 So when you're a caregiver, especially something like self-care,
00:15:50 --> 00:15:52 it's not indulgent. It's about survival.
00:15:53 --> 00:15:58 It's a necessity. But we don't consider that because we don't stop to think
00:15:58 --> 00:16:02 about these things while we're in the thick of it because we're in the thick
00:16:02 --> 00:16:05 of it and who's going to waste their time thinking about something before it happens.
00:16:07 --> 00:16:13 I mean, I can pull from my own personal experience because I was mentally not well.
00:16:14 --> 00:16:17 And I was taking care of my human.
00:16:17 --> 00:16:21 I was taking care of my wife. And you don't put two and two together.
00:16:22 --> 00:16:25 And then you start figuring out like you're mentally checking out.
00:16:25 --> 00:16:28 And you don't want to be around people. But at the same time,
00:16:28 --> 00:16:30 you want everybody else to feel good.
00:16:30 --> 00:16:34 And my whole take on this is take care of you.
00:16:35 --> 00:16:41 Don't feel guilty for taking care of you. And yeah, people still like shame
00:16:41 --> 00:16:43 you and there's still some stigma around that.
00:16:43 --> 00:16:47 But if you are not taking care of yourself, you're going to burn out.
00:16:47 --> 00:16:52 And you're useless to other people, especially the people who you want to show up for.
00:16:53 --> 00:16:58 You know, self-care doesn't always mean the thing we think it means.
00:16:58 --> 00:17:06 Like day spa, nails, massage. It means, in some cases, just saying, no, that's self-care.
00:17:06 --> 00:17:09 It means setting a boundary and then keeping it.
00:17:09 --> 00:17:14 That is self-care. You know what else is self-care? Asking for help. It is.
00:17:14 --> 00:17:17 My self-care was, can I take a nap?
00:17:18 --> 00:17:25 Just go to sleep. And yes, asking for help. You know, doing something just for you.
00:17:26 --> 00:17:34 Not for everybody else. do something that makes you feel alive and not in this
00:17:34 --> 00:17:39 constant caregiving mode because you are going, going, going, going, going, going.
00:17:40 --> 00:17:45 And I think that it's just, it's a tough place to be in.
00:17:45 --> 00:17:50 I know many parents out there that are just really struggling.
00:17:50 --> 00:17:54 You know, parents are struggling, people my age.
00:17:54 --> 00:17:59 I'm in my late 50s and my mother is in her late 80s.
00:17:59 --> 00:18:03 So those roles have begun to reverse.
00:18:03 --> 00:18:06 And, you know, fortunately, and I'm sitting here knocking on wood,
00:18:06 --> 00:18:10 if you can hear me, for good luck, that she's in good shape.
00:18:10 --> 00:18:11 She takes very good care of herself.
00:18:11 --> 00:18:15 She eats well. She moves her body. She does all the things that...
00:18:16 --> 00:18:19 You know, she can do for the benefit of her health and wellness,
00:18:19 --> 00:18:24 but still, she's 87 years old, and there's a lot that she can't do now.
00:18:24 --> 00:18:29 So we have kind of reversed roles in a lot of ways.
00:18:29 --> 00:18:30 I mean, it's very different than it was with my grandmother,
00:18:30 --> 00:18:36 who, you know, couldn't even leave the house, really, who needed help getting
00:18:36 --> 00:18:37 to and from the bathroom.
00:18:37 --> 00:18:40 That's a very different situation. My mother's, I actually have to run to catch
00:18:40 --> 00:18:41 my mother in Target these days,
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44 because my mom is like a she's like
00:18:44 --> 00:18:49 a mountain goat all of a sudden she's she's unbelievable i
00:18:49 --> 00:18:53 don't know but you know the
00:18:53 --> 00:18:56 the fact of the matter is we we have to give
00:18:56 --> 00:19:02 ourselves permission to consider ourselves when we are spending so much of our
00:19:02 --> 00:19:10 time considering somebody else because even those tiny things like letting yourself
00:19:10 --> 00:19:15 take a nap or just putting your feet up and reading a book for 20 minutes,
00:19:16 --> 00:19:22 those little habits can really help prevent burnout before it happens.
00:19:23 --> 00:19:26 But I want to go back to something that I said before, and I want to say it
00:19:26 --> 00:19:30 bigger, and that's talking about support systems in particular,
00:19:30 --> 00:19:32 talking about asking for help.
00:19:33 --> 00:19:43 No one is meant to care give alone they're just not i mean we have the capacity
00:19:43 --> 00:19:48 to get things like support groups or respite services or counseling or even
00:19:48 --> 00:19:50 a friend or a family member.
00:19:51 --> 00:19:55 To lighten the load a little bit i don't want to use the word burden because
00:19:55 --> 00:19:59 it's too easy to fall into the whole this is a burden a category it's that's
00:19:59 --> 00:20:03 not what it is in most cases is we're doing what we're doing out of love for
00:20:03 --> 00:20:04 the people we care about.
00:20:04 --> 00:20:08 And it just so happens that it's very time consuming and heavy to do it.
00:20:09 --> 00:20:13 But we don't have to do it alone. There are always resources.
00:20:13 --> 00:20:17 And I know in my own life, historically speaking, I'm not talking about being
00:20:17 --> 00:20:18 a carrier, but I'm talking in general.
00:20:19 --> 00:20:21 I'm terrible at asking for help.
00:20:22 --> 00:20:26 Absolutely terrible. And I've been working a lot on that.
00:20:26 --> 00:20:31 And the few times that I've said like, hey, I can't do this alone,
00:20:31 --> 00:20:34 or I need you, it's been very powerful.
00:20:35 --> 00:20:39 And I continue to work on that. And it becomes even more important when we're
00:20:39 --> 00:20:44 talking about needing to get help supporting the people we love.
00:20:44 --> 00:20:51 And even supporting somebody who has maybe lost someone to suicide or someone
00:20:51 --> 00:20:56 who had a partner or friend die unexpectedly,
00:20:57 --> 00:21:00 you still need to take care of you before you can take care of them.
00:21:00 --> 00:21:07 You need to sit with those emotions take care of yourself get some therapy do
00:21:07 --> 00:21:13 all the things easy it's not easy, not at all.
00:21:14 --> 00:21:19 No, but it's a necessity. I remember maybe about four and a half years ago,
00:21:19 --> 00:21:23 I've talked about losing one of my closest friends to suicide. It was very sudden.
00:21:24 --> 00:21:27 He did not live in the state where we were living at the time.
00:21:27 --> 00:21:30 We were in Boston. He was out of state with his family.
00:21:30 --> 00:21:34 And I remember Dave and
00:21:34 --> 00:21:37 I got the call from another mutual best friend
00:21:37 --> 00:21:40 of ours and really we're
00:21:40 --> 00:21:46 just so completely shocked and unprepared and we're very close with our friend's
00:21:46 --> 00:21:51 family wife and children and we literally got in the car and drove 10 hours
00:21:51 --> 00:21:57 to them immediately and And we were just there for them and on call for them and, you know.
00:21:58 --> 00:22:00 Funeral and all the things.
00:22:00 --> 00:22:05 And I remember at one point after several days of being there and not sleeping
00:22:05 --> 00:22:08 and considering them and worrying about them and what do they need.
00:22:08 --> 00:22:13 I remember turning to Dave in the hotel room one night and I was like,
00:22:13 --> 00:22:14 I don't have any more right now.
00:22:14 --> 00:22:19 I don't have anything. I am completely and totally depleted in a way that I
00:22:19 --> 00:22:21 didn't even think I had the capacity to be depleted.
00:22:21 --> 00:22:25 Like beyond empty and i
00:22:25 --> 00:22:28 i remember i i spent the rest of that night
00:22:28 --> 00:22:31 doing absolutely nothing i
00:22:31 --> 00:22:34 i needed to be just completely closed up and
00:22:34 --> 00:22:37 kind of feed my body feed my soul feed
00:22:37 --> 00:22:40 my mind feed all those things so that i could kind of
00:22:40 --> 00:22:43 plug back in the next day and it is
00:22:43 --> 00:22:47 hard when you're talking about helping someone grieve
00:22:47 --> 00:22:51 being there even holding space
00:22:51 --> 00:22:58 it is a very very challenging job and the emotional toll that helping someone
00:22:58 --> 00:23:05 like supporting someone who's struggling through grief can take on you that's
00:23:05 --> 00:23:10 that's a tough one that's a really tough one it is and it we We,
00:23:11 --> 00:23:18 well, for me, it took two years of therapy for me to figure out that it's okay for me to take care of me.
00:23:19 --> 00:23:22 Well, that was like it was in the first three months because that's when we
00:23:22 --> 00:23:24 had the whole boundaries conversation.
00:23:25 --> 00:23:33 Setting those boundaries for me was the number one best thing I could have done for me.
00:23:33 --> 00:23:37 I told you that's... It's the number one best thing you can do for yourself, too.
00:23:37 --> 00:23:44 I told you it is one of the main things that I have been working on in therapy
00:23:44 --> 00:23:48 for the last several years is learning how to construct boundaries,
00:23:49 --> 00:23:52 learning what they even mean, how does that translate into my day to day life
00:23:52 --> 00:23:58 and learning how to deal with the discomfort of feeling like.
00:23:59 --> 00:24:02 I'm letting someone down because here's an interesting thing about boundaries.
00:24:03 --> 00:24:09 When you say no to someone else, you're saying yes to yourself.
00:24:09 --> 00:24:12 Flip it around. This is what I was doing. I was saying yes to everybody else,
00:24:13 --> 00:24:16 which meant I was saying no to myself every single time.
00:24:16 --> 00:24:21 So when I switched that around and I started saying no, it didn't mean that
00:24:21 --> 00:24:23 I didn't love people any less.
00:24:23 --> 00:24:27 It didn't mean I didn't want to show up for them any less. it meant I am not
00:24:27 --> 00:24:35 okay right now because I am not considering myself and my needs and my emotional well-being at all.
00:24:36 --> 00:24:40 So I can't be that for you because I am nothing to myself right now.
00:24:41 --> 00:24:45 And when I had that realization and realized I was being so depleted by just
00:24:45 --> 00:24:46 giving, giving, giving, giving, giving.
00:24:47 --> 00:24:53 That's when I saw the most dramatic change in my life, in my attitude,
00:24:53 --> 00:24:56 and my relationships, because let's face it,
00:24:56 --> 00:25:03 when someone asks someone for help, if they can't get help one place,
00:25:03 --> 00:25:08 they're going to ask someone else, and so on and so on and so on.
00:25:08 --> 00:25:12 So that's life, and sometimes you can help and sometimes you can't,
00:25:12 --> 00:25:17 and we have to accept and respect the times when we can't.
00:25:18 --> 00:25:22 So before we wrap, a few takeaways.
00:25:23 --> 00:25:30 We need to pay attention to warning signs of burnout, like we talked about.
00:25:30 --> 00:25:37 Things like resentment, things like either physical fatigue or compassion fatigue, loss of joy.
00:25:38 --> 00:25:44 Having that awareness is the first step in dealing with burnout, in avoiding burnout.
00:25:45 --> 00:25:48 Second thing is that we need to
00:25:48 --> 00:25:53 schedule an act of self-love self-consideration
00:25:53 --> 00:25:56 rest relaxation call it whatever you want to call
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59 it but give yourself 10 minutes 15 minutes
00:25:59 --> 00:26:02 an hour if you're lucky of doing something restorative
00:26:02 --> 00:26:05 for you whatever that might
00:26:05 --> 00:26:08 be and it looks different for everybody and that the third
00:26:08 --> 00:26:11 and final thing is to seek support get
00:26:11 --> 00:26:19 yourself connected with either a caregiver group or a therapy group or a bunch
00:26:19 --> 00:26:25 of your trusted friends or family that you can really rely on and share the
00:26:25 --> 00:26:29 weight because when you share the weight, it makes what you carry lighter.
00:26:30 --> 00:26:36 That is just fact. It's not some great profound wisdom. It is just fact.
00:26:36 --> 00:26:44 So keeping in mind that none of us can really pour effectively from an empty cup.
00:26:46 --> 00:26:49 When caregivers care for themselves.
00:26:51 --> 00:26:58 They thrive in the same ways that the people they're caring for can thrive.
00:26:58 --> 00:27:05 And it creates a stronger, much stronger foundation of support for the people they love.
00:27:05 --> 00:27:08 That's all I had to say. I don't have anything else to say. Wow,
00:27:08 --> 00:27:11 that was a lot of words, but good words. I love good words.
00:27:12 --> 00:27:14 It was not word salad. It was very intentional.
00:27:16 --> 00:27:19 Let's come back and make another word salad next week. Let's do it.
00:27:19 --> 00:27:23 I am. I do, I do. Actually, do you know what next week is? You're not going to believe it.
00:27:24 --> 00:27:26 No. What is next week?
00:27:27 --> 00:27:33 Surprise! It is the season finale of season two of The Survivors.
00:27:33 --> 00:27:37 How did we make it to two seasons? I don't know.
00:27:37 --> 00:27:41 I really don't know. But a lot of great conversations.
00:27:42 --> 00:27:46 That's how. A lot of very intentional, very beautiful, meaningful conversations.
00:27:46 --> 00:27:51 So let's meet right back here in this exact same place in one week from now,
00:27:51 --> 00:27:53 and we'll recap everything.
00:27:53 --> 00:27:57 Beautiful. See you next week. Okay. Love you, G. Bye. Love you.
00:27:58 --> 00:28:02 Thanks for joining us on The Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things
00:28:02 --> 00:28:06 feel, you are enough, and the world needs you just the way you are.
00:28:06 --> 00:28:10 You're not alone in this journey. There's a community here, and every step forward counts.
00:28:11 --> 00:28:14 We're so grateful you took the time to listen, and we hope you'll take one day
00:28:14 --> 00:28:17 at a time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
00:28:18 --> 00:28:23 Thanks for being here, friends. Just remember, help is out there in so many different places.
00:28:24 --> 00:28:27 So if you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988,
00:28:27 --> 00:28:30 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be there to help.
00:28:30 --> 00:28:34 You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of mental health
00:28:34 --> 00:28:38 resources, tools, and content at thehelphub.co.
00:28:38 --> 00:28:41 Just remember that help is always just a call or a click away.
00:28:42 --> 00:28:45 We'll catch you next week. In the meantime, keep surviving.