*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide, sexual abuse & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
In this conversation, Lisa and Natasha explore the themes of Pride Month, identity, and authenticity. They talk candidly about the significance of coming out, the essence of pride, and the evolution of personal identities.
This poignant episode emphasizes the importance of representation within the LGBTQ+ community and the resilience required to live authentically in a world that often challenges one's true self.
They explore the complexities of identity, acceptance, and the importance of community within the LGBTQ+ space. They discuss the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ youth, particularly regarding mental health and societal acceptance, and emphasize the need for supportive resources. The conversation highlights the significance of community in fostering acceptance and understanding, as well as the critical role of organizations like The Trevor Project in providing support to those in need.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Takeaways
- Pride Month is a time for celebration and authenticity.
- Coming out can be a complex journey influenced by personal history.
- Representation in the LGBTQ+ community is crucial for acceptance.
- Pride is not just a party; it's about resilience and identity.
- Our identities are fluid and evolve over time.
- Living authentically is one of the bravest things one can do.
- The essence of pride can be celebrated in many ways, not just at events.
- Community support is vital for those navigating their identities.
- Fear of judgment can hinder personal expression.
- Embracing change is a part of personal growth. Many people hesitate to openly discuss their identities due to fear of judgment.
- Sexuality should be a natural part of who we are, not something that needs to be singled out.
- The feeling of being 'other' can be powerful and intimidating.
- Pride has been politicized, making it difficult for some to express their identities.
- Community acceptance can significantly impact mental health and well-being.
- LGBTQ+ youth face higher risks of self-harm and suicide due to societal rejection.
- Support systems are crucial for LGBTQ+ youth navigating their identities.
- Resources like the Trevor Project provide essential support for LGBTQ+ individuals.
- It's important to create safe spaces for open conversations about identity.
- Everyone deserves to feel accepted and loved for who they are.
Chapters
00:00 - Celebrating Pride Month and Identity 03:05 - Coming Out and Authenticity 09:19 - The Essence of Pride 11:45 - Pride: Celebration or Protest? 14:02 - Evolving Identities and Personal Growth 17:28 - Navigating Identity and Acceptance 23:53 - The Importance of Community 30:27 - Mental Health Challenges in LGBTQ+ Youth 34:54 - Resources and Support for the LGBTQ+ Community
Mental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
- Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss (Familius Books)
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See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:04 Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:08 Our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:08 --> 00:00:12 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:13 --> 00:00:18 This is The Survivors, real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:18 --> 00:00:21 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:24 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:26 --> 00:00:30 So it's Pride Month. I get very excited.
00:00:30 --> 00:00:35 My smile gets very, very big when it's Pride Month, and it is right now.
00:00:35 --> 00:00:40 You can't really see that I'm wearing this, but I do have a little bit of swag on today.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:44 You can't see it if it's just the audio that you're listening to,
00:00:44 --> 00:00:47 but I'm full Monty behind the scenes.
00:00:47 --> 00:00:54 So this feels like the perfect time to have a conversation about something we
00:00:54 --> 00:00:55 talked about last week, which was identity.
00:00:56 --> 00:00:58 This is definitely in the identity category.
00:00:58 --> 00:01:02 And authenticity and just belonging. And also, like, you and I talk so much
00:01:02 --> 00:01:05 about what it means to survive in so many different ways.
00:01:05 --> 00:01:10 And this conversation, where it relates to pride, is about, like,
00:01:10 --> 00:01:15 surviving in a world that doesn't always make it easy to be who you are and
00:01:15 --> 00:01:16 to show up as your authentic self.
00:01:17 --> 00:01:21 So I already know that you're up for this conversation because you told me that
00:01:21 --> 00:01:26 you were. but we actually had a very funny moment before we pressed record.
00:01:26 --> 00:01:28 Would you like to share what that funny little moment was?
00:01:29 --> 00:01:35 Well, so according, am I echoing? No, I hear you perfectly. There's no echo. Okay.
00:01:36 --> 00:01:40 So I was like, well, you know, I haven't really come out publicly as being a
00:01:40 --> 00:01:42 bisexual. And you're like, come again?
00:01:43 --> 00:01:46 You did last episode. I was like, oh, did I know?
00:01:47 --> 00:01:50 Yeah. I will admit, sometimes I don't always, it takes me a couple weeks to
00:01:50 --> 00:01:53 catch up and go and listen to our podcast.
00:01:54 --> 00:01:57 And so, you know, sometimes we record ahead of time.
00:01:57 --> 00:02:01 And I will admit, I record and apparently, you know, we batch record sometimes
00:02:01 --> 00:02:06 ahead of time. and I completely forgot that I outed myself right here in front
00:02:06 --> 00:02:10 of 40 different countries and all 50 states in America.
00:02:10 --> 00:02:14 Oh, yeah. You're out there. Hi, my name's Natasha, and I am bisexual.
00:02:14 --> 00:02:18 Well, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud. You were so funny, too,
00:02:18 --> 00:02:21 because when I said to you, I was like, what are you talking about?
00:02:21 --> 00:02:25 Like, last week, we had this whole thing, and you were like,
00:02:25 --> 00:02:26 yeah, I'm bisexual. I don't say it a lot.
00:02:27 --> 00:02:31 And I said, well, you just said it to at least 40 countries out there,
00:02:31 --> 00:02:33 and you were like, oh, I guess I did.
00:02:33 --> 00:02:37 You had a complete blackout. It was so funny.
00:02:37 --> 00:02:40 But you were like, you said full send, right? Let's go. I did.
00:02:41 --> 00:02:43 I said full send. We're doing it. I love it.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:47 I love you for doing that. That is how I would live my life. Full send.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:51 Okay. Well, you know what? There's no better way to live your life,
00:02:51 --> 00:02:53 especially during Pride. I think that should be the new Pride slogan,
00:02:53 --> 00:02:54 full send. Natasha said so.
00:02:55 --> 00:02:58 We do know I've never been to any sort of Pride event.
00:02:59 --> 00:03:05 It's life-changing. I went when my oldest daughter, Riley, came out when she was in college.
00:03:05 --> 00:03:09 Before I came out, I went with her. She asked me if I would go.
00:03:10 --> 00:03:13 Boston has a huge pride parade in the city.
00:03:13 --> 00:03:18 It was one of the most extraordinary experiences we have ever had together.
00:03:18 --> 00:03:22 It was just nothing but joyfulness. I highly recommend it.
00:03:22 --> 00:03:25 Okay yep yep in your area wherever
00:03:25 --> 00:03:28 wherever there is something highly recommend
00:03:28 --> 00:03:31 it it's just a feeling like no other feeling to be
00:03:31 --> 00:03:36 in community like that okay so well you know it's it's interesting because i
00:03:36 --> 00:03:43 realized that about myself gosh it's been oh coming up on like eight years now
00:03:43 --> 00:03:47 but it was just never something that i was public about you know what i mean
00:03:47 --> 00:03:51 like i told my family and close friends and things like that but it wasn't something that i just like,
00:03:52 --> 00:03:54 openly, you know what I mean?
00:03:54 --> 00:03:57 Because I'm married to a man.
00:03:59 --> 00:04:05 And we've been in a relationship for 22 years, so it was just not something that I,
00:04:06 --> 00:04:10 I don't know. I guess I was worried about judgment or whatever else.
00:04:11 --> 00:04:15 You and a billion other people. I mean, that's what so many people worry about,
00:04:15 --> 00:04:17 especially in the world that we're living in right this second.
00:04:18 --> 00:04:23 Like that is a really, really hard fear to hold. I mean, your story is not much
00:04:23 --> 00:04:24 different than my story.
00:04:25 --> 00:04:32 I mean, I did talk a bit about it, just a quick, like, recap that I was really
00:04:32 --> 00:04:35 boy crazy until I was, you know, in through high school.
00:04:35 --> 00:04:38 And then I kind of realized I had other feelings and really didn't know what
00:04:38 --> 00:04:42 they were and couldn't put words to them. because back at that point,
00:04:43 --> 00:04:49 you know, in history, in the 80s, you were gay, you were straight, maybe you were bi.
00:04:49 --> 00:04:55 I kind of didn't feel like I fit in any of those boxes, didn't really know what
00:04:55 --> 00:04:56 box I fit into, and it wasn't the language.
00:04:56 --> 00:05:02 And it was only because of my daughter coming out in college that kind of opened
00:05:02 --> 00:05:03 my eyes to all those different.
00:05:04 --> 00:05:12 Identities and the nuances in them. And it hit me like a board in the face.
00:05:12 --> 00:05:18 That's how, when she explained pansexuality to me, I was like, holy shit, that is me.
00:05:18 --> 00:05:22 And I've been married for 33 years. I have two grown children,
00:05:23 --> 00:05:28 totally hetero-presenting marriage relationship, had no interest in changing
00:05:28 --> 00:05:32 anything about my life in that way or my relationship. Dave is my person forever and always.
00:05:32 --> 00:05:36 And yet I had this knowing about myself. And I felt like, for me,
00:05:36 --> 00:05:37 it was a little different. Your kids are younger.
00:05:37 --> 00:05:41 So I had had a daughter who had just, within the last few years,
00:05:42 --> 00:05:43 before I came out, she came out.
00:05:44 --> 00:05:47 So for me, it became like, it's about representation.
00:05:47 --> 00:05:52 I really felt like it was so important. Every single one of us who represents
00:05:52 --> 00:05:56 within the community or is an ally to the community strengthens the community.
00:05:57 --> 00:06:01 So I just felt it was so important to move from
00:06:01 --> 00:06:04 that place of allyship into a place of
00:06:04 --> 00:06:07 community member so that was the same but like you
00:06:07 --> 00:06:09 it was you know it's you're worried you're like what are people going to think and i
00:06:09 --> 00:06:13 know for a fact a lot of my friends were like what the hell i mean not in a
00:06:13 --> 00:06:18 bad way just kind of like well what's the point of sharing that like it doesn't
00:06:18 --> 00:06:22 change anything what's the point i'm like well representation that's the point
00:06:22 --> 00:06:27 so but it's scary yeah it can be really scary history.
00:06:28 --> 00:06:33 Well, coming from my background of polygamy and, you know, ultra-conservative
00:06:33 --> 00:06:40 relatives, like, I think if I were to tell my aunts, they would be like, what?
00:06:40 --> 00:06:41 What does that mean?
00:06:43 --> 00:06:46 But, I mean, I don't necessarily have to worry about that because,
00:06:47 --> 00:06:51 you know, as I've, you know, my mother has stepped away from our relationship,
00:06:51 --> 00:06:57 so have her sisters, who I used to be incredibly close with. Mm-hmm.
00:06:57 --> 00:07:02 Yeah. I haven't spoken to my aunts in coming on eight months. So, wow.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:10 Well, if they listen to the pod, they're going to know. But a number of my cousins do.
00:07:10 --> 00:07:14 So, do you remember, I think it was last weekend or the weekend before,
00:07:14 --> 00:07:16 you said we had like 80 downloads in one weekend?
00:07:17 --> 00:07:20 No, it was 80 downloads in like a morning, which was lovely.
00:07:20 --> 00:07:26 So, it may have been one of my cousins because she said she binge-listened to
00:07:26 --> 00:07:28 all of our episodes. Oh, wow.
00:07:28 --> 00:07:31 So that's exciting. Yeah. And then it was a cousin that I've,
00:07:31 --> 00:07:34 again, because I have thousands of cousins, first cousins.
00:07:35 --> 00:07:39 Can you explain for a second why to people who might not know what the hell that comment means?
00:07:39 --> 00:07:48 Okay, so I was born into a polygamist family, and my dad is one of 60-something
00:07:48 --> 00:07:53 children from my grandfather, and my mother is one of,
00:07:53 --> 00:07:58 I believe, 80-something children from my grandfather on that side.
00:07:58 --> 00:08:08 And so, yeah, I have 140-ish aunts and uncles and then thousands of cousins.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:13 How does that work on holidays and occasions in terms of cards and gifts?
00:08:13 --> 00:08:17 I'm just kidding. Most of us are, you know, it's weird. I'm kidding.
00:08:17 --> 00:08:18 I'm being an asshole. I'm totally just kidding.
00:08:20 --> 00:08:24 Well, yeah, it's interesting, that's for sure. But so, yeah,
00:08:24 --> 00:08:27 I just wasn't sure how that was going to work out as far as like,
00:08:28 --> 00:08:33 I'm not really close with anybody on my dad's side. On my mom's side, yeah.
00:08:33 --> 00:08:37 And so a number of my cousins do listen to the podcast.
00:08:37 --> 00:08:43 And even people that are from Colorado City, that's most infamously known because
00:08:43 --> 00:08:47 of Warren Jeffs, my uncle. Your uncle, right. Yeah.
00:08:47 --> 00:08:53 And so I have had cousins and extended relatives reach out to me through social
00:08:53 --> 00:08:54 media to let me know that they do listen.
00:08:55 --> 00:09:01 And to say thank you for having the courage to share what I do because essentially
00:09:01 --> 00:09:03 it's giving them a voice that they don't have.
00:09:03 --> 00:09:07 Well, I love that. And to all your cousins all around the world,
00:09:07 --> 00:09:11 hey, cousins, we're really, really glad you're here and part of the community.
00:09:12 --> 00:09:16 So, okay, so we're talking about pride from a lot of different angles,
00:09:16 --> 00:09:22 mental health, coming out, being authentic, and why being yourself,
00:09:22 --> 00:09:26 your authentic true self, is probably one of the bravest things that any of us can do.
00:09:27 --> 00:09:32 And you're doing it, right, this second in live, you know, real time.
00:09:32 --> 00:09:38 So when you think about pride, here's my question to you, you brand new little pride baby.
00:09:39 --> 00:09:41 Yes, I'm kidding. I know you've been out for a little while.
00:09:42 --> 00:09:45 What does pride mean to you, would you say?
00:09:46 --> 00:09:50 Because I've never been to an event and because I haven't been public with it,
00:09:50 --> 00:09:53 I don't have any, it doesn't mean anything to me.
00:09:54 --> 00:09:57 Well, it doesn't mean, it doesn't have to do with being at an event.
00:09:57 --> 00:10:03 Like, what does the idea of celebrating the month of pride in whatever way you
00:10:03 --> 00:10:07 do, you can do it from your bedroom, from your kitchen, from your backyard.
00:10:07 --> 00:10:12 You don't have to go to a parade or be posting about it or be,
00:10:12 --> 00:10:14 you know, draped in a gay flag.
00:10:14 --> 00:10:21 What does the idea of the essence of pride mean to you? At this point,
00:10:22 --> 00:10:27 I mean, ultimately, I guess what it would mean to me is just being proud of
00:10:27 --> 00:10:29 being a part of that community.
00:10:29 --> 00:10:32 I love that. It's as simple as that. I love that.
00:10:33 --> 00:10:37 I love that. And it means the same thing to me, along with obviously lots of
00:10:37 --> 00:10:42 other different things for me as the relationship I've had with the queer community
00:10:42 --> 00:10:44 has changed over the years and I'm part of it.
00:10:44 --> 00:10:48 And, you know, I service it as a crisis counselor. It's, you know,
00:10:48 --> 00:10:49 it changes and it evolves and it's beautiful.
00:10:51 --> 00:10:55 So I think that one of the biggest misconceptions, and this is just my own personal
00:10:55 --> 00:10:59 opinion, one of the biggest misconceptions about Pride is that it's just this
00:10:59 --> 00:11:03 big, just great big party and everyone's wearing rainbows and short shorts.
00:11:04 --> 00:11:08 And don't get me wrong, it is definitely, especially if you've been to a celebration,
00:11:08 --> 00:11:10 like you go to New York City or you go to L.A.
00:11:10 --> 00:11:13 Or you're in Boston, it is a party for sure.
00:11:13 --> 00:11:16 I've seen the videos. Yeah, it's a party.
00:11:16 --> 00:11:19 But it's also, I think, so much about resilience.
00:11:20 --> 00:11:25 It's just people's resilience and identity is just full on display for everyone.
00:11:25 --> 00:11:30 It's about people who, in a lot of cases, have fought really hard and really
00:11:30 --> 00:11:35 openly just in this world that tells them not to be who they are.
00:11:35 --> 00:11:39 So, you know, these people have experienced rejection and bullying,
00:11:40 --> 00:11:44 and they've been discriminated and isolated and cut out of families.
00:11:44 --> 00:11:49 And it's really, it can be complicated.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:52 It can be really, really complicated. When you think about pride,
00:11:52 --> 00:11:53 here's another pride question.
00:11:54 --> 00:11:59 When you think about pride, do you see it as more of like a celebration,
00:11:59 --> 00:12:04 a protest, or maybe both, would you say?
00:12:05 --> 00:12:13 A celebration. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was interesting how it started off as a day. Mm-hmm.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:15 And then it went to a week. Mm-hmm.
00:12:15 --> 00:12:18 And then it went to a month. Mm-hmm. It's a movement.
00:12:19 --> 00:12:24 Yeah, yeah, it's evolved. And just personally,
00:12:24 --> 00:12:27 as someone who's seen it from the outside and then from the inside,
00:12:27 --> 00:12:33 it is a beautiful thing to see how it's evolved and how it's kind of,
00:12:33 --> 00:12:39 it's created this global safe space for people.
00:12:39 --> 00:12:44 I know when I visit my daughter in Japan, my oldest lives abroad,
00:12:44 --> 00:12:49 it's so beautiful to me everywhere, especially when I go anywhere in this country
00:12:49 --> 00:12:51 or in the state of Massachusetts, of course.
00:12:51 --> 00:12:56 I see pride flags and pride is welcome here everywhere.
00:12:57 --> 00:13:00 Especially when I go abroad and I see that, it's just like a beacon.
00:13:01 --> 00:13:05 It's it's this beacon where you just instantly
00:13:05 --> 00:13:08 know that there is acceptance and security and safety
00:13:08 --> 00:13:11 there and i i just love that is that like in
00:13:11 --> 00:13:14 japan are they openly accepting of it um for
00:13:14 --> 00:13:17 the most part yeah yeah i mean gay marriage
00:13:17 --> 00:13:20 is not legal yet they're fighting for it they're very much fighting
00:13:20 --> 00:13:23 for it but i mean it's definitely something
00:13:23 --> 00:13:27 that is way more widely accepted and
00:13:27 --> 00:13:30 common now than it ever was for sure
00:13:30 --> 00:13:35 you know you go you go all over and you see pride flags everywhere there are
00:13:35 --> 00:13:39 pride parades during you know during the month of june and so yeah it's i mean
00:13:39 --> 00:13:47 it's definitely it's definitely kind of encircled the world in that way you
00:13:47 --> 00:13:49 know just the movement itself which i think is beautiful um.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:55 You know, one thing that I myself have learned is that, and again,
00:13:56 --> 00:13:59 this is what we talked about a little bit last week, a lot actually last week,
00:13:59 --> 00:14:04 is that our identity is not a fixed and static thing.
00:14:04 --> 00:14:10 It's not only is it always evolving, it's always supposed to be evolving.
00:14:10 --> 00:14:14 You know, the person that we are when we're 20, I think about the person I was
00:14:14 --> 00:14:16 when I was 20 or when I was 30.
00:14:16 --> 00:14:21 It's very different from the person who I was when I was 40 or hit my 50s.
00:14:21 --> 00:14:26 And now I'm, you know, getting near 60, which is shocking.
00:14:27 --> 00:14:32 And I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to just figure it out,
00:14:32 --> 00:14:38 to like put yourself in a box and this is the person that I need to be and maybe, you know.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:43 Maybe smooth out the edges here and there over time.
00:14:44 --> 00:14:49 But that's not it at all. Like we are never supposed to be static and the same.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:56 And I think for me, it wasn't like I planned or intended to come out late in
00:14:56 --> 00:14:59 life at 52, married for 20 years with two kids.
00:15:00 --> 00:15:04 But it was one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever given to myself,
00:15:04 --> 00:15:11 is owning that identity and what it's brought to me in my life.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:15 I can't even put it to words what it's brought to my life, the people,
00:15:15 --> 00:15:18 the community, the sense of validation.
00:15:19 --> 00:15:25 And, you know, I just think if there's an underlying message of this conversation,
00:15:25 --> 00:15:31 it's that we all have so many different personalities and we should let every
00:15:31 --> 00:15:33 single one of those personalities come to the surface.
00:15:33 --> 00:15:37 It's just my own personal single opinion.
00:15:38 --> 00:15:41 That's beautifully said. Well, thank you. I couldn't agree more,
00:15:42 --> 00:15:47 you know, and I thank you for sharing that, you know, as we grow and change lives.
00:15:48 --> 00:15:52 And new versions of ourself emerge. And, you know, I've talked so often about
00:15:52 --> 00:15:58 wanting to get back to that old version of me, but she doesn't,
00:15:58 --> 00:16:02 it's not that she doesn't exist anymore, she's just evolved.
00:16:02 --> 00:16:08 And when you've gone through so many traumatic things, there's no way that that
00:16:08 --> 00:16:13 person can evolve because the person who gets you through that is a whole other
00:16:13 --> 00:16:17 person that has to develop to get you through that.
00:16:18 --> 00:16:24 And so, you know, I've finally come to terms with that old version of Natasha's,
00:16:24 --> 00:16:29 you know, she's, and so I'm just, I'm, I'm in the middle of becoming, so to speak.
00:16:29 --> 00:16:34 Yeah, I love that, just that whole saying. I love the whole concept of becoming.
00:16:34 --> 00:16:37 Yeah and so i
00:16:37 --> 00:16:41 but again you know the whole concept of pride and
00:16:41 --> 00:16:44 it's like as i'm developing new friendships
00:16:44 --> 00:16:47 and stuff like that particularly with females
00:16:47 --> 00:16:56 i'm always hesitant to tell them that i am bisexual because it to me it would
00:16:56 --> 00:17:02 feel like i was coming on to them and it's you know it's not that yeah you know
00:17:02 --> 00:17:05 what i mean and it's like no it's.
00:17:06 --> 00:17:08 It's same with a straight you're not attracted to every other
00:17:08 --> 00:17:11 person of the opposite sex like there has
00:17:11 --> 00:17:14 to be like a connection and you
00:17:14 --> 00:17:17 know when i finally realized i mean i kind
00:17:17 --> 00:17:23 of had suspicion since i was about 16 but when i finally realized in my 30s
00:17:23 --> 00:17:29 it was because i had made this wonderful connection with a woman and i was like
00:17:29 --> 00:17:35 oh wow okay that's what that is okay so then it kind of confirmed it for me mm-hmm,
00:17:36 --> 00:17:40 Yeah. And so that, you know, that's just my hesitation and why I generally keep
00:17:40 --> 00:17:45 it on the down low because I just don't, you know, I've really struggled with
00:17:45 --> 00:17:47 friendships in the last 10 years.
00:17:48 --> 00:17:52 And so I just never want to make it awkward. Yeah, and I get that.
00:17:52 --> 00:17:55 And I think a lot of people probably feel that way.
00:17:55 --> 00:17:59 And it's like when you really stop and think about it, you wouldn't meet someone brand new.
00:18:00 --> 00:18:04 Forget about where, if it's a work person or just a social situation, whatever it is.
00:18:04 --> 00:18:07 You wouldn't like walk up to someone and be like, hi, I'm Natasha.
00:18:08 --> 00:18:15 I'm a Democrat or I'm a Republican or I'm a, you know, I have polyps.
00:18:15 --> 00:18:19 You know what I mean? You probably would not lead with that.
00:18:19 --> 00:18:21 And you wouldn't lead with your sexuality either.
00:18:22 --> 00:18:25 And that's the whole point, I think, of
00:18:25 --> 00:18:35 watching the queer world evolve is recognizing that we shouldn't have to give
00:18:35 --> 00:18:41 our sexuality any extra consideration because it should just be a part like
00:18:41 --> 00:18:44 we've got brown hair or blue eyes or, you know,
00:18:45 --> 00:18:52 We are an athlete or not, or just a part of who we are, not something that needs
00:18:52 --> 00:18:56 to be singled out, not something that needs to be criticized or judged.
00:18:56 --> 00:19:00 It's just like any other part of who we are.
00:19:01 --> 00:19:07 But I get your hesitation. I mean, I've definitely been in conversations with
00:19:07 --> 00:19:10 people where it's appropriate that it would come up.
00:19:10 --> 00:19:14 It's a conversation in that context. And, you know, I think there's always that
00:19:14 --> 00:19:18 like that little twang in the back of your head that's like,
00:19:18 --> 00:19:21 how is this person going to receive this?
00:19:21 --> 00:19:23 But then I then here's what I say to my kids.
00:19:25 --> 00:19:31 If someone is going to judge you for who you love, for one of the most fundamental
00:19:31 --> 00:19:35 acts a human can can make.
00:19:36 --> 00:19:40 Then that's not my person. Hey, it's Lisa, co-host of The Survivors,
00:19:40 --> 00:19:43 and I want to take a minute to tell you about an organization that's incredibly
00:19:43 --> 00:19:48 important to me, especially during Pride Month, The Trevor Project.
00:19:48 --> 00:19:52 In addition to co-hosting this podcast, I'm also a volunteer crisis counselor
00:19:52 --> 00:19:57 on The Trevor Lifeline, where I support LGBTQ plus young people who might be
00:19:57 --> 00:20:01 struggling with their mental health or feeling isolated or navigating thoughts of suicide.
00:20:02 --> 00:20:07 The Trevor Project provides free, confidential, 24-7 crisis support for LGBTQ
00:20:07 --> 00:20:11 plus youth through the phone, text, and online chat.
00:20:11 --> 00:20:21 If you need support, you can call 866-488-7386, or you can text START to 678-678,
00:20:21 --> 00:20:25 or visit the Trevor Project online at thetrevorproject.org.
00:20:25 --> 00:20:29 So if you're part of the queer community and you're struggling, we're here to listen.
00:20:31 --> 00:20:36 If that's the thing that you're going to criticize and judge of who I'm attracted
00:20:36 --> 00:20:39 to and want to love, have a nice day.
00:20:39 --> 00:20:42 See ya. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
00:20:43 --> 00:20:47 So, yeah, I mean, but look, but it still exists because at the end of the day,
00:20:47 --> 00:20:49 it's like we all want to be included.
00:20:49 --> 00:20:55 We all want to be accepted. And when there is a quality about us,
00:20:56 --> 00:20:57 whether it's our skin color,
00:20:57 --> 00:21:04 whether it's, you know, our economic status, where we live, whatever it is that
00:21:04 --> 00:21:09 makes us other, if we're a minority or a marginalized person in any way,
00:21:09 --> 00:21:14 that feeling of being other is strong.
00:21:14 --> 00:21:19 It's very powerful, and it can be very intimidating, and there aren't very many
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21 people who just full-on don't give a shit about it.
00:21:21 --> 00:21:24 I think everybody on some level gives a little bit of a shit about it.
00:21:25 --> 00:21:33 And I think that pride has, and the whole community, has been politicized. Oh, yeah.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:40 In a negative way, you know, and so it can be very polarizing for people.
00:21:40 --> 00:21:45 And that's why I honestly have kept so quiet about it, because it has been so polarized.
00:21:46 --> 00:21:50 Yeah. And I just, you know, I'm very neutral about everything political.
00:21:50 --> 00:21:55 I just, and so again, you know, I just wanted to just maintain,
00:21:56 --> 00:21:58 you know, just keep right here.
00:21:58 --> 00:22:01 Yeah. You just want to stay Switzerland. Just be Switzerland.
00:22:02 --> 00:22:06 I do, you know. And as you were talking there, I remembered something.
00:22:07 --> 00:22:11 In my late teens, there was a group of friends that I had come into,
00:22:11 --> 00:22:13 you know, through mutual connections.
00:22:13 --> 00:22:17 And it was a group of mostly gay men.
00:22:17 --> 00:22:20 There was a, you know, I think there was a few females.
00:22:20 --> 00:22:27 But I just, I remember we would party together every weekend and I felt so accepted.
00:22:27 --> 00:22:30 And I just remember how much I enjoyed being around them.
00:22:30 --> 00:22:38 And I wonder if it's because underlying I knew or maybe subconsciously my body
00:22:38 --> 00:22:42 knew that that's where I was a part of that community or something. Maybe. I don't know.
00:22:43 --> 00:22:46 That's interesting. That's really interesting. And I'm sure the more that you
00:22:46 --> 00:22:53 kind of think about that and reflect on that, you know, maybe there'll be some more that you flesh out.
00:22:53 --> 00:22:56 Maybe you just instinctively knew. Maybe it wasn't like you knew you were bi
00:22:56 --> 00:23:00 in that moment or maybe you did. Maybe it was just like you saw that group of
00:23:00 --> 00:23:03 people as just being incredibly inclusive and nonjudgmental and you knew that
00:23:03 --> 00:23:06 you could just show up as you were.
00:23:06 --> 00:23:11 Without any judgment and bitchiness and drama that we often have when,
00:23:12 --> 00:23:14 you know, when we have groups of friends.
00:23:15 --> 00:23:18 There's lots of dynamics, and sometimes it can be really rough,
00:23:18 --> 00:23:19 especially if you're a girl.
00:23:19 --> 00:23:23 It's, you know, girl drama is legit. It's the worst.
00:23:24 --> 00:23:26 So to be with a bunch of people who make you just feel good about being who
00:23:26 --> 00:23:29 you are, that's a special place to be.
00:23:29 --> 00:23:32 Yeah and I and I remember you know always
00:23:32 --> 00:23:36 I've had a big personality and they just
00:23:36 --> 00:23:39 literally accepted me as I was didn't
00:23:39 --> 00:23:42 ask me to be smaller and love my big
00:23:42 --> 00:23:45 personality and I just remember how incredibly
00:23:45 --> 00:23:48 kind and sweet and and accepting everybody
00:23:48 --> 00:23:51 was just right out the gate from the get-go I love
00:23:51 --> 00:23:54 that I think that was probably one of the most fun
00:23:54 --> 00:23:58 I think it was about a year but I
00:23:58 --> 00:24:01 was pretty close with all of them and it was
00:24:01 --> 00:24:07 just a really good memories well you know what community matters community places
00:24:07 --> 00:24:10 where you can just be yourself it really makes all the difference in the world
00:24:10 --> 00:24:18 so thinking about like why this conversation is so important right now is because,
00:24:19 --> 00:24:23 Mental health, and I get this now, this is the part of my brain that goes to
00:24:23 --> 00:24:28 the crisis counselor volunteer part of the work that I do.
00:24:29 --> 00:24:35 Mental health stats in the LGBTQ youth community are so concerning.
00:24:36 --> 00:24:41 They're so scary. I don't know how much you know about it or don't know about
00:24:41 --> 00:24:44 it. But I mean, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while,
00:24:44 --> 00:24:47 then you know that I'm a crisis counselor with the Trevor Project.
00:24:48 --> 00:24:55 And the Trevor Project is the leading crisis and suicide prevention organization
00:24:55 --> 00:25:01 in the country, certainly in the country and in the world at this point.
00:25:01 --> 00:25:06 And we service LGBTQ youth ages 13 to 24. That's kind of like our primary demographic.
00:25:07 --> 00:25:14 And Trevor Project provides just Free confidential support, 24 hours a day,
00:25:14 --> 00:25:18 365 days a year, text, chat, phone. I'm one of the phone counselors.
00:25:18 --> 00:25:26 But the fact is that the LGBTQ plus youth community is at a higher risk of self-harm
00:25:26 --> 00:25:33 and suicide, not because of their identities, not because they're gay or gay.
00:25:35 --> 00:25:41 Trans or ace or omnisexual, whatever they are, but it's because of things like
00:25:41 --> 00:25:48 rejection and discrimination and bullying and stigma and all of those moving parts,
00:25:48 --> 00:25:50 just the general lack of support,
00:25:50 --> 00:25:52 whether it be for your friends, from your friends or your family.
00:25:52 --> 00:26:01 But did you know that more More than one in 10 LGBTQ plus kids reported attempting
00:26:01 --> 00:26:05 to take their own life this year.
00:26:05 --> 00:26:08 I'm not surprised in the slightest. One, at least one.
00:26:09 --> 00:26:15 Yeah, it's just kids younger and younger. The suicide rates are actually rising
00:26:15 --> 00:26:16 in children the most, isn't it?
00:26:16 --> 00:26:19 Mm-hmm. It's rising everywhere, unfortunately.
00:26:20 --> 00:26:25 And Trevor Project does a tremendous amount of research in the space of suicide
00:26:25 --> 00:26:26 prevention and mental health.
00:26:27 --> 00:26:34 And they found that more than a third of LGBTQ plus young people seriously can
00:26:34 --> 00:26:36 not now I'm not talking about the ones who actually attempted.
00:26:36 --> 00:26:40 I'm talking about the ones a third of them have actually considered suicide
00:26:40 --> 00:26:47 just in the past year. And I just find those stats to be really, really tough.
00:26:48 --> 00:26:54 Like, they're really sobering. And you look at, like, the transgender and non-binary
00:26:54 --> 00:26:59 communities, and then all the statistics go even higher because they're even more marginalized.
00:26:59 --> 00:27:01 Those are the—that's the—,
00:27:01 --> 00:27:06 you know, the secondary marginalized community within an already marginalized community.
00:27:06 --> 00:27:12 So when you, I'm just curious, when you hear statistics like that about kids
00:27:12 --> 00:27:15 who are struggling in that way, and you think about what's happening in the
00:27:15 --> 00:27:18 LGBTQ plus youth community today,
00:27:18 --> 00:27:23 what stands out for you the most? Like, what do you feel when you hear that?
00:27:23 --> 00:27:27 And honestly, as a mother, it breaks my heart. It really does.
00:27:27 --> 00:27:31 You know, if one of my kids were to come to me and share with me that they were
00:27:31 --> 00:27:36 a member of the community, I would do nothing but wrap them in my arms and say,
00:27:36 --> 00:27:39 that's awesome. I am too, you know?
00:27:39 --> 00:27:46 And in today's world, I just don't know how more families are not doing that for their children.
00:27:46 --> 00:27:51 But I think maybe it's the, and kids are so mean.
00:27:51 --> 00:27:56 I think, you know, a lot of the rejection is probably coming from their peers,
00:27:56 --> 00:28:01 which is, you know, as teenagers, that acceptance is more important than family
00:28:01 --> 00:28:03 acceptance. Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:28:05 --> 00:28:09 And kids are so mean. It's I just it really does break my heart.
00:28:09 --> 00:28:13 And I it just makes me want to wrap them all in a blanket and say,
00:28:13 --> 00:28:15 hey, come sit over here and let's talk about it. Mm hmm.
00:28:16 --> 00:28:19 Yeah. And that's what we need. Again,
00:28:20 --> 00:28:23 that goes back to the conversation about why representation matters,
00:28:23 --> 00:28:31 because the more of us, the more moms or teachers or therapists who are queer,
00:28:31 --> 00:28:37 who are out there, who are there as safe spaces and support systems,
00:28:37 --> 00:28:39 the more of that, the better.
00:28:39 --> 00:28:44 Then that helps to kind of balance the scales, you know, when you feel like
00:28:44 --> 00:28:49 you're isolated in the world alone, walking around with like a scarlet letter
00:28:49 --> 00:28:51 on you, if you come out as queer.
00:28:51 --> 00:28:55 It's hard. It's really hard. I mean, I'll tell you, when I started having...
00:28:57 --> 00:29:01 You know, feelings that I was not straight. I knew that I was queer,
00:29:01 --> 00:29:05 but didn't fully understand what it meant.
00:29:05 --> 00:29:10 I definitely was terrified because there were kids in my, I remember,
00:29:11 --> 00:29:17 like in my seventh and eighth grade class, I had like this very vivid memory where somebody was,
00:29:18 --> 00:29:23 you know, had come out as gay or no, actually they didn't come out as gay.
00:29:23 --> 00:29:27 Someone thought that they were gay and
00:29:27 --> 00:29:30 it and spread a rumor and it
00:29:30 --> 00:29:34 absolutely destroyed them emotionally just that
00:29:34 --> 00:29:37 one singular thing somebody's spread a
00:29:37 --> 00:29:39 crazy rumor whether they were or weren't no one
00:29:39 --> 00:29:42 knows but that's all it takes is
00:29:42 --> 00:29:45 for someone to say one hurtful thing and other people jump on them
00:29:45 --> 00:29:48 you know they jump on it because they don't want that hurtful
00:29:48 --> 00:29:51 thing to be said about them so it's either you defend it and oh you must be
00:29:51 --> 00:29:56 the same thing or you let it go and you're a bystander so it's a really really
00:29:56 --> 00:30:01 shitty position for young kids to be in and there's not a lot of guidance for
00:30:01 --> 00:30:08 how to navigate that in in a healthy way yeah scary it's really scary,
00:30:08 --> 00:30:14 So I want to make sure that we, and I know you feel the same way,
00:30:14 --> 00:30:15 because we talked about it.
00:30:16 --> 00:30:19 So I want to make sure that we share some resources today.
00:30:21 --> 00:30:27 Because the reality is that the LGBTQ community is, you know, it's struggling.
00:30:28 --> 00:30:30 It's definitely struggling today. You talked about politics.
00:30:31 --> 00:30:36 That is, unfortunately, a big place where our community is struggling, unfortunately.
00:30:36 --> 00:30:40 So we need all the resources and all the support that we can get.
00:30:40 --> 00:30:44 Because if somebody listening to this conversation is struggling right now,
00:30:45 --> 00:30:50 we don't want you to walk away from this conversation feeling like you're alone.
00:30:50 --> 00:30:55 We want you to feel like we're out here, we see you, there are safe spaces,
00:30:55 --> 00:30:57 there are people you can lean on.
00:30:57 --> 00:31:04 So if you are an LGBTQ plus young person or you believe yourself to be and you
00:31:04 --> 00:31:10 haven't come out yet and you need support, please, please, please reach out to the Trevor Project.
00:31:11 --> 00:31:14 We're, like I said before, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
00:31:14 --> 00:31:19 You can call 866-488-7386 if you want to talk to someone.
00:31:20 --> 00:31:25 You can text the word START to 678-678 if you feel like texting.
00:31:25 --> 00:31:28 Maybe some people need a little bit of a buffer. They don't want to talk to someone.
00:31:29 --> 00:31:33 Texting is more comfortable. Or you can just go to thetrevorproject.org and
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35 connect with a counselor, just like me.
00:31:36 --> 00:31:41 And you can talk to them via chat. So there are so many different ways to connect.
00:31:42 --> 00:31:47 And, of course, we like to always remind people that, sure, Trevor Project is
00:31:47 --> 00:31:49 wonderful if you're a part of the queer community.
00:31:49 --> 00:31:54 But anybody who's struggling with anything doesn't just have to be suicidal
00:31:54 --> 00:31:58 ideation or some catastrophic mental health crisis. You could just be,
00:31:59 --> 00:32:02 struggling, needing somebody to hold space for you, call 988.
00:32:03 --> 00:32:05 Call those three numbers.
00:32:05 --> 00:32:11 It's nationwide, and somebody will be there on the other end to listen and give
00:32:11 --> 00:32:16 you some resources and hopefully help you navigate whatever it is that you're dealing with.
00:32:17 --> 00:32:20 The most important thing is just to realize that you're not carrying anything alone.
00:32:21 --> 00:32:26 So kind of circling back to what pride means.
00:32:27 --> 00:32:30 I think it just takes a lot of courage to show up as you are.
00:32:31 --> 00:32:36 I know I didn't feel like it took courage for me to do it, but it did because
00:32:36 --> 00:32:40 you're never sure how the world is going to respond.
00:32:41 --> 00:32:45 When you think about where you were 10 or 20 years ago,
00:32:46 --> 00:32:48 what gives you the most hope about the way the world is
00:32:48 --> 00:32:51 right now if you're like a young person thinking about coming
00:32:51 --> 00:32:54 out well i know that the tremendous amount
00:32:54 --> 00:32:57 of resources that are available that you know
00:32:57 --> 00:33:01 and more and more developing every day and i
00:33:01 --> 00:33:07 know that a lot more teachers are equipped you know in schools and things like
00:33:07 --> 00:33:12 that i think just an overall even though the aware the awareness is there so
00:33:12 --> 00:33:17 it starts as a as awareness and then we have like acceptance and so i think
00:33:17 --> 00:33:20 we have more and more people slowly accepting.
00:33:22 --> 00:33:25 And so I do think the needle is moving in a positive direction.
00:33:26 --> 00:33:32 Albeit slow, but I do have hope for our young people that they won't feel so
00:33:32 --> 00:33:37 isolated and so hopeless out there and just know that, you know,
00:33:37 --> 00:33:40 find a trusted adult if you need to. Sure.
00:33:41 --> 00:33:46 And again, I just want to emphasize that the Trevor Project is not just a crisis hotline.
00:33:46 --> 00:33:51 Like, if you just need somebody to talk to about anything, no matter what it
00:33:51 --> 00:33:52 is, it's available for that.
00:33:52 --> 00:33:58 You do not have to be in active crisis to call 988. I'm so glad you said that,
00:33:58 --> 00:34:00 right? To call 988 or to call the Trevor Project.
00:34:00 --> 00:34:05 And also, too, obviously, since we're talking about Pride in particular,
00:34:05 --> 00:34:09 I talk to so many young people, especially this month, all the months,
00:34:10 --> 00:34:12 but especially this month, who have never,
00:34:12 --> 00:34:17 ever told a single soul that they're gay or that they're bi or that they're
00:34:17 --> 00:34:24 pansexual or that they feel like they are female and not male.
00:34:24 --> 00:34:26 And they tell me for the first time.
00:34:27 --> 00:34:32 And what an unbelievable gift it is, an honor it is to hold that kind of space
00:34:32 --> 00:34:36 for someone in that moment of their life where they're just expressing that for the first time.
00:34:36 --> 00:34:40 So if you're struggling with any of those things, how to tell your family or
00:34:40 --> 00:34:43 your friends, we're here to help.
00:34:43 --> 00:34:46 We're always here to help. And one other thing I wanted to throw out there as
00:34:46 --> 00:34:50 far as a resource is concerned is, so I have a mental health platform that I
00:34:50 --> 00:34:52 founded a couple of years ago. It's called the Help Hub.
00:34:53 --> 00:35:00 And it's what I hope is one of the most inclusive online mental health resource,
00:35:01 --> 00:35:03 toolkit, trauma-informed content.
00:35:04 --> 00:35:07 Type space online that exists.
00:35:07 --> 00:35:13 There's a place for anyone to find the help and the support and the tools and
00:35:13 --> 00:35:17 the content that you need to support your unique needs, because we're all very different,
00:35:17 --> 00:35:19 whether you're part of the BIPOC community or the queer community,
00:35:19 --> 00:35:24 or you're in the elderly community or the AAPI community, or you're a veteran.
00:35:25 --> 00:35:30 The Help Hub is a place you can go to get resources and information that is
00:35:30 --> 00:35:33 really geared to you specifically, but it's all kind of under the same roof.
00:35:34 --> 00:35:37 So I just wanted to make sure I put that out there. The link is always in the show notes.
00:35:38 --> 00:35:40 It's the helphub.co.
00:35:41 --> 00:35:48 And everything, as I said, is free. So if there's one thing that I hope that
00:35:48 --> 00:35:55 people take away from listening to this conversation is that you don't have to earn your worth.
00:35:55 --> 00:35:58 You're worth everything exactly as you are right now.
00:36:00 --> 00:36:06 You don't have to become somebody else to deserve love or to be accepted or to belong.
00:36:07 --> 00:36:11 So if you're listening and you're struggling, whether you're questioning yourself
00:36:11 --> 00:36:15 or you're grieving or you're healing or in any of the ways that somebody can struggle,
00:36:15 --> 00:36:21 just remember there is a whole huge community of us out here who care about
00:36:21 --> 00:36:24 you and who are there to have your back and support you.
00:36:24 --> 00:36:27 So from me to you.
00:36:28 --> 00:36:34 Happy Pride Month. And we'll see you right back here next week.
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35 In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:36:36 --> 00:36:38 Nasha, I want to let you have the last word.
00:36:39 --> 00:36:42 Absolutely. I just hope everybody knows how much you're cherished and loved,
00:36:42 --> 00:36:44 no matter where you are in the world.
00:36:45 --> 00:36:49 Because Lisa and I can speak for, you know, ourselves here. We love you.
00:36:49 --> 00:36:53 And so just know that there is someone out there, even though we've never met,
00:36:54 --> 00:36:56 that we love you. Me too. And I hope that you know that.
00:36:56 --> 00:37:00 Well, they know it now. That is for sure. We'll see you next week.
00:37:02 --> 00:37:05 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of the Survivors community.
00:37:06 --> 00:37:10 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone and you're definitely not broken.
00:37:11 --> 00:37:15 Healing takes time and it looks different for everyone. The fact that you're
00:37:15 --> 00:37:18 still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:37:19 --> 00:37:23 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:37:25 --> 00:37:30 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:37:30 --> 00:37:33 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember,
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34 help is always out there.
00:37:35 --> 00:37:39 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:37:39 --> 00:37:43 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:37:43 --> 00:37:47 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:37:47 --> 00:37:51 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:37:51 --> 00:37:54 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:37:55 --> 00:38:01 Until then, take care of yourself and your people, and keep surviving. Thank you.