*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide, sexual abuse & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
In part one of our two-part conversation with mental health advocate, influencer, and mom Alli Skrbek, Alli shares her heartbreaking journey of losing her oldest son Alex to suicide, exploring his life, his struggles with depression and alcohol and drugs, and the tragic circumstances leading to his death. This candid and raw conversation offers insights into mental health, warning signs, and the importance of awareness and intervention.
Allie talks openly and emotionally about grief, family dynamics, substance use, and she speaks about her journey into mental health advocacy and suicide prevention.
She's a warrior, and she's sharing Alex's story—and her grief—with the world to help normalize the conversations so many families are afraid to have. Through her honesty, vulnerability, and advocacy, Alli is breaking down stigma, shining a light on the realities of mental illness and suicide loss, and reminding other grieving parents that they are not alone. This is one of our most powerful conversations ever about love, loss, survival, and the courage it takes to keep telling the stories that matter.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Takeaways
- Alex's personality and passions
- Signs of depression and warning signs
- Circumstances leading to Alex's suicide
- Family dynamics and mental health challenges
- The impact of trauma and substance abuse
- Recognize early warning signs of depression and suicidal ideation
- Seek professional help for loved ones showing signs of distress
- Create a safety plan for at-risk individuals
- Advocate for mental health awareness and education
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Allie's Story 03:39 Remembering Alex: A Tribute to His Life 06:34 Understanding the Signs of Struggle 09:11 The Impact of Relationships on Mental Health 11:53 Navigating Family Dynamics and Mental Health 14:33 The Struggles of Young Adulthood 17:33 Crisis Moments and Warning Signs 20:10 The Consequences of Substance Abuse 23:17 Seeking Help and Facing Challenges 26:12 The Journey of Healing and Reflection 28:00 The Turning Point: A Mother's Struggle 29:42 Unraveling the Truth: The Hidden Struggles 37:10 The Tragic News: A Life Cut Short 43:36 The Aftermath: Seeking Answers and Justice
Mental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
- Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss (Familius Books)
- Follow Alli on TikTok at @alli_mom (Alex's Sky)
Follow & Connect With Us
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🎵📱TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thesurvivorspodcast
See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up.
00:00:03 --> 00:00:07 Our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:08 --> 00:00:12 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:12 --> 00:00:17 This is The Survivors. Real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:17 --> 00:00:20 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:20 --> 00:00:23 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:29 Before we start today's episode, we want to prepare you for a conversation that's
00:00:29 --> 00:00:31 as heartbreaking as it is important.
00:00:31 --> 00:00:35 Today, Allie Skarvik joins us to share the story of her son,
00:00:35 --> 00:00:40 Alex, her journey through every parent's worst nightmare, and the message she hopes will save lives.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:44 We also want to offer a gentle warning that this episode contains discussion
00:00:44 --> 00:00:46 of suicide loss and the death of a child.
00:00:47 --> 00:00:50 So if you're a parent who's experienced the loss of your child,
00:00:50 --> 00:00:52 this conversation might be especially triggering.
00:00:53 --> 00:00:56 So please take care of yourself as you listen and step away if you need to.
00:00:58 --> 00:01:01 Allie is a suicide loss survivor. She is a mom.
00:01:02 --> 00:01:07 She is a mental health advocate and a creator who's been using her platform
00:01:07 --> 00:01:14 for lots and lots of good conversation, important conversation about mental
00:01:14 --> 00:01:15 health awareness and suicide prevention.
00:01:16 --> 00:01:20 And without giving away too, too much about Allie's story, we want you to hear it from her.
00:01:21 --> 00:01:28 Allie's son, Alex died by suicide in March of 2025. He was 22 years old.
00:01:28 --> 00:01:32 And today we're talking about all of it. We're talking about the grief and the
00:01:32 --> 00:01:38 things that she and her family miss and about what suicide loss like this really does to a family.
00:01:38 --> 00:01:44 So, Allie, welcome to The Survivors. We are unbelievably grateful that you're here.
00:01:44 --> 00:01:49 We appreciate your willingness to just be here and be honest and vulnerable
00:01:49 --> 00:01:51 in this conversation and share your story.
00:01:51 --> 00:01:54 And obviously, we are both so sorry for your loss.
00:01:55 --> 00:01:59 Thank you. Let's just talk about Alex.
00:02:00 --> 00:02:05 Tell us about Alex before we talk about the loss. What was Alex like?
00:02:05 --> 00:02:10 That's my favorite way to honor people that I've lost is talk about them before
00:02:10 --> 00:02:13 and share like the good memories and things like that.
00:02:13 --> 00:02:15 He was always such a goofball.
00:02:17 --> 00:02:24 That's my kind of guy. He was always making everyone laugh. And if he wasn't
00:02:24 --> 00:02:30 intentionally making you laugh, he'd walk in a room and go, what? Huh? What'd you say?
00:02:32 --> 00:02:34 And then he'd always sit back and go, uh-huh.
00:02:39 --> 00:02:42 He knew what he was doing. He just had the most amazing heart.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:49 He had a love for family and animals. He was always cautious as a little,
00:02:50 --> 00:02:52 a baby and a toddler and a little kid.
00:02:52 --> 00:02:58 But as he got older, he became just this like fierce snowboarder and BMX rider
00:02:58 --> 00:03:05 and dirt bike rider and taking risks and never owning up to him, though.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:13 Spoken like a typical boy mom. And I'd be like, I know what you were doing.
00:03:14 --> 00:03:19 I mean he just his laugh was just amazing and he gave the best hugs,
00:03:20 --> 00:03:27 He was just amazing. How was he as an oldest child? Because you have three or four boys?
00:03:27 --> 00:03:29 Four total. I'm three younger.
00:03:30 --> 00:03:35 He absolutely loved his role as big brother, and he owned it.
00:03:35 --> 00:03:39 He was bossy and loved to correct me on parenting.
00:03:40 --> 00:03:45 I love that. And I feel like I genuinely, I mean, your biggest platform,
00:03:45 --> 00:03:49 you're on all the socials, but your biggest platform and where your story kind
00:03:49 --> 00:03:51 of ignited was on TikTok.
00:03:51 --> 00:03:57 And that's where Natasha and I found you. And I feel like now in all these months
00:03:57 --> 00:04:02 since we found you, I mean, I'm on your platform every day.
00:04:02 --> 00:04:05 And I feel like I know Alex so well.
00:04:06 --> 00:04:08 I feel like I know the relationship he had with his siblings.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:11 I mean, all these videos and all these candid moments.
00:04:12 --> 00:04:14 And he did seem like a goofball in the best kind of way.
00:04:15 --> 00:04:20 Like just that great, you know, that older brother who just always had your back.
00:04:20 --> 00:04:25 You get a real good sense of him from everything that you post.
00:04:26 --> 00:04:29 He was awesome. Yeah. Yeah.
00:04:29 --> 00:04:37 What do you wish that people understood most about who Alex really was? Would you say?
00:04:37 --> 00:04:44 There's so many things. I wish people understood that he didn't take his life
00:04:44 --> 00:04:46 to cause more pain. That wasn't him.
00:04:47 --> 00:04:54 I wish that they understood how deeply his love was for family and friends and
00:04:54 --> 00:04:56 animals. He loved animals.
00:04:56 --> 00:04:59 I wish people were more gentle. He wasn't weak.
00:05:00 --> 00:05:03 He was trying so hard, and he was a warrior.
00:05:04 --> 00:05:09 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was. Just from what I know of him, he was.
00:05:10 --> 00:05:13 So looking back now, I know that
00:05:13 --> 00:05:18 we just recently passed the one-year anniversary of when he passed away.
00:05:18 --> 00:05:22 Looking back now that you have maybe a little bit more clarity,
00:05:22 --> 00:05:26 is that fair to say, or just a balanced perspective? You're not kind of in the
00:05:26 --> 00:05:28 thick of those early days and weeks and months.
00:05:29 --> 00:05:34 Do you see signs that maybe made more sense after he passed away?
00:05:35 --> 00:05:40 Yeah. You know, for me, I just, he was living in a different state.
00:05:40 --> 00:05:47 So we thought he was fluttering his little adult wings and distancing himself from mom.
00:05:48 --> 00:05:52 But now looking back the distance, he was disconnecting.
00:05:52 --> 00:05:57 He was climbing into a shell that wasn't like him. I remember February,
00:05:58 --> 00:06:01 I sent him normally I wouldn't send Alex money
00:06:01 --> 00:06:04 without knowing where it went because he had a problem I
00:06:04 --> 00:06:07 believed he had a problem with drinking and I
00:06:07 --> 00:06:10 sent him $15 for Valentine's Day to his bank
00:06:10 --> 00:06:15 account and I said buy yourself something sweet honey love you and I didn't
00:06:15 --> 00:06:23 get a response for days and Alex always watched his finances like a hawk that
00:06:23 --> 00:06:28 was pretty big and not replying to messages,
00:06:28 --> 00:06:31 not calling like he did all the time.
00:06:33 --> 00:06:35 Another one, reckless behavior, was a big one.
00:06:37 --> 00:06:41 That, I think, had been going on for about a year and a half.
00:06:42 --> 00:06:49 And again, I grew up with brothers, so I thought, you are being wild, 21-year-old.
00:06:49 --> 00:06:55 Time to rein yourself in, buddy. I was also being gaslit by so many grown men
00:06:55 --> 00:06:57 that said, he's being a 21-year-old. This is normal.
00:06:58 --> 00:07:00 It wasn't normal for my son.
00:07:01 --> 00:07:06 Yeah. So, you know, those were some that were pretty, pretty big.
00:07:07 --> 00:07:14 Yeah. You've talked a lot about not fully realizing how deeply he was struggling.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:17 And I think that now that I'm hearing you say how gaslit you were,
00:07:17 --> 00:07:21 it makes sense because you were having these gut instincts as a mom.
00:07:21 --> 00:07:23 And then all of a sudden, everybody around you is like, no, no,
00:07:23 --> 00:07:24 no, no, no, everything's fine. Everything's fine.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:32 What did depression look like for him from the outside, would you say?
00:07:33 --> 00:07:41 Looking back, it was withdrawal. Okay. And anger and agitation and mistrust in others.
00:07:41 --> 00:07:48 He would ask these questions, well, what if everyone's out to get me?
00:07:48 --> 00:07:51 I'm like, who's everyone, honey? Explain to me who everyone is.
00:07:52 --> 00:07:58 And I just thought it was his drinking. I just kept saying, honey,
00:07:58 --> 00:07:59 I'm really worried about your drinking.
00:08:00 --> 00:08:04 You need to tone it down. He was obviously hiding how much he was drinking to
00:08:04 --> 00:08:07 me, but it was enough for me to see to draw concern.
00:08:07 --> 00:08:10 But it was a lot of agitation.
00:08:12 --> 00:08:17 Easily agitated, mistrust in others, and then, you know, apologizing.
00:08:17 --> 00:08:18 The next day, I'm so sorry.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:21 And I go, honey, do you remember what you said?
00:08:21 --> 00:08:26 Well, I think, so I think it was a combination of the drinking and depression.
00:08:26 --> 00:08:28 It was just making him spiral deeper.
00:08:31 --> 00:08:35 There's a story where if someone lands on your page for the first time,
00:08:35 --> 00:08:40 for instance, or I know I think People Magazine did an article about you.
00:08:40 --> 00:08:44 When you talk about your story, can you give us kind of the,
00:08:44 --> 00:08:48 it doesn't have to be abridged, it can be in whatever format you want it to be.
00:08:49 --> 00:08:52 What happened? Just so people who are now listening to this conversation,
00:08:52 --> 00:08:57 they know that you lost your oldest son to suicide a year ago.
00:08:58 --> 00:09:03 It was a very unusual set of circumstances. Do you feel comfortable just kind of sharing that?
00:09:04 --> 00:09:12 So Alex, I want to say around 17, he had gotten into a new relationship and
00:09:12 --> 00:09:15 I know her still. I do not blame her.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:18 They were young, but it was, it was pretty toxic.
00:09:19 --> 00:09:24 And he was busy trying to keep her afloat while he was still trying to keep himself afloat.
00:09:25 --> 00:09:28 So as a mom, his senior year, I had to set boundaries and explain to him,
00:09:28 --> 00:09:31 It is not your job to take care of her.
00:09:31 --> 00:09:37 It's her mom's job. And Alex had a lot of learning disabilities and obsessive
00:09:37 --> 00:09:39 compulsive disorder as well and anxiety.
00:09:39 --> 00:09:44 He also had abandonment issues from his biological dad. And then my ex-husband,
00:09:44 --> 00:09:50 after the divorce, just kind of shut Alex out and would blame him in a sense
00:09:50 --> 00:09:52 for it, which it was never Alex's fault ever.
00:09:53 --> 00:09:57 So I started to notice the shift his senior year. And after his senior year,
00:09:57 --> 00:09:59 I got him back into therapy.
00:09:59 --> 00:10:04 But he was convinced he didn't need to go. My ex-husband being a,
00:10:05 --> 00:10:09 You know, you say recovering meth addict, but he still drinks,
00:10:09 --> 00:10:13 so I wouldn't call that sober, but that's a whole different ballgame.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:17 And also finding religion, which to him, religion is his saving grace,
00:10:17 --> 00:10:23 and if it keeps him off drugs, great, but very much in denial of medication,
00:10:23 --> 00:10:25 needing help, therapy, support.
00:10:25 --> 00:10:30 And I don't know how much was said to Alex, but Alex was like, I don't need therapy.
00:10:31 --> 00:10:35 And I got really concerned. Him and his girlfriend went through a pretty bad
00:10:35 --> 00:10:41 breakup around 19 and he called me from the La Jolla Cliffs.
00:10:41 --> 00:10:48 This is San Diego and just distraught saying he wanted to drive his car off
00:10:48 --> 00:10:50 the cliffs and I said, where are you?
00:10:50 --> 00:10:54 That's how he ended up finding out where he's at and he was just crying and
00:10:54 --> 00:10:58 I called his biological dad who worked in San Diego and I said,
00:10:58 --> 00:11:01 I need you to get to Alex now. Something's wrong.
00:11:02 --> 00:11:06 And his exact words to me were, I'm working, what do you expect me to do?
00:11:06 --> 00:11:13 And I screamed at him. We ended up getting halfway to him and his biological
00:11:13 --> 00:11:15 dad found him and he was in his car crying.
00:11:15 --> 00:11:18 And we got him home and I held him on the floor and he just cried.
00:11:19 --> 00:11:24 And so I think he had a big struggle with abandonment and rejection.
00:11:25 --> 00:11:30 At that point, again, we were trying, I was like, honey, we need to get,
00:11:30 --> 00:11:32 you need to go back into therapy.
00:11:32 --> 00:11:39 He just wouldn't do it. But at 19, you can't force a 19-year-old into therapy. And...
00:11:40 --> 00:11:45 Him and that girl got back together, a lot of fighting again,
00:11:45 --> 00:11:52 and he started acting, just acting out and smoking a lot of pot.
00:11:52 --> 00:11:56 And I told him, you can't smoke pot in the house. You have little brothers here,
00:11:56 --> 00:11:59 and his third brother has asthma.
00:12:00 --> 00:12:03 And I said, this can't be done in the house, and we don't want to listen to
00:12:03 --> 00:12:05 you and your girlfriend fighting all the time.
00:12:06 --> 00:12:09 It's not healthy. That's fair. So if you don't want to follow the house rules,
00:12:09 --> 00:12:13 you need to move out. He would have been 19 and a half at this point.
00:12:14 --> 00:12:19 So he ended up moving out and going to his biological dad's in San Diego for
00:12:19 --> 00:12:21 three months, and that was not good.
00:12:21 --> 00:12:24 That was the first time he'd ever lived with his biological dad,
00:12:24 --> 00:12:28 and it just wasn't a healthy dynamic.
00:12:29 --> 00:12:34 So Alex moved to Florida with my parents. We were moving to Arizona,
00:12:34 --> 00:12:38 and I told him, you can come, but you can't drink.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:41 You have to follow the house rules buddy if you're going to live in the house
00:12:41 --> 00:12:46 I know you're older I know you're an adult you have to follow the house rules
00:12:46 --> 00:12:49 he didn't want to so my mom parents were moving to Florida and they said he
00:12:49 --> 00:12:51 can live in our guest house we'll put him through college,
00:12:53 --> 00:12:58 And that was a good gig. I mean, it was great. Three-bedroom guest house right on the water in Florida.
00:13:00 --> 00:13:02 I should have sent my kids to your parents' house for college.
00:13:03 --> 00:13:04 That would have been perfect.
00:13:05 --> 00:13:10 But he was trying to get into, I think it was Florida State near Titusville.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:12 He wanted to do the underwater welding program.
00:13:13 --> 00:13:17 But because of his learning disabilities, he did not do well on the exams.
00:13:17 --> 00:13:22 So he was put on a wait list to get in. And that was a big crush to him.
00:13:23 --> 00:13:27 And then he started working odd jobs, but was struggling to get along with the
00:13:27 --> 00:13:31 male bosses and kept getting fired.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:37 So my mom called me one day and said, honey, Alex is not holding down a job.
00:13:37 --> 00:13:42 The agreement was he could move here and go to college and he could stay in the guest house.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:47 But that agreement is now void because he's not going to college and he's going to have to move out.
00:13:48 --> 00:13:51 He's bringing weird friends to the house and we moved him back home.
00:13:52 --> 00:13:57 And within a month of being home, I quickly realized he had developed a pretty heavy drinking habit.
00:13:58 --> 00:14:03 And at that point, I reached out to my ex-husband and his biological dad.
00:14:03 --> 00:14:07 Even though his biological dad was never really involved, I chose to keep him
00:14:07 --> 00:14:11 in the loop. I felt like he had a right to know details and updates on our son.
00:14:11 --> 00:14:15 And both of them said, he's fine. He's being a 21-year-old.
00:14:16 --> 00:14:21 Yeah. But they didn't hear him choking on his vomit and me running and screaming
00:14:21 --> 00:14:25 and rolling him over and putting my fingers down his throat to get the throw up out.
00:14:26 --> 00:14:31 And having my husband and my son's football coach help lug him out of the room
00:14:31 --> 00:14:32 and put him in a cold shower.
00:14:33 --> 00:14:35 And I'm getting told it's normal.
00:14:36 --> 00:14:42 I'm so sorry. That's awful. But within six months of being home,
00:14:42 --> 00:14:45 I was noticing a pretty massive shift.
00:14:45 --> 00:14:47 Positive or negative? Negative.
00:14:48 --> 00:14:54 Was there one thing, an incident or a situation that kind of tipped things?
00:14:55 --> 00:14:58 I was nine months pregnant with my youngest son.
00:14:59 --> 00:15:03 And Alex, at this point, we weren't allowing Alex to drink in the home.
00:15:03 --> 00:15:08 Because when he drank, he just got mean at times. So I wasn't allowing him to drink.
00:15:09 --> 00:15:12 And my mom was out for the birth of the baby, my youngest son.
00:15:12 --> 00:15:16 And my mom handed him some purple canned alcohol drink.
00:15:17 --> 00:15:21 And I could tell Alex was agitated. So I walked up and grabbed it.
00:15:22 --> 00:15:26 And I said, you're not drinking in the home. And I said, mom, he can't drink here.
00:15:27 --> 00:15:31 And she goes, oh, I didn't know. And I went to dump it down the sink and Alex
00:15:31 --> 00:15:35 picked up the can and chucked the drink in my face nine months.
00:15:37 --> 00:15:42 And I said, you need to leave. You need to go out. Well, what I said was we had acreage.
00:15:42 --> 00:15:45 So I said, go out to your car and cool off. Get out of the house right now.
00:15:45 --> 00:15:51 But I knew at that point something was seriously wrong. So we made him move out. We had to.
00:15:52 --> 00:15:56 My husband was helping him get his clothes out of the wash, and he was,
00:15:56 --> 00:16:02 you know, my son was in there just saying all kinds of things that he normally wouldn't say.
00:16:03 --> 00:16:06 My mom was there witnessing it, and he lunged at my husband,
00:16:06 --> 00:16:10 and my husband being a prior Marine grabbed his arm to restrain him.
00:16:11 --> 00:16:14 And Alex tried to hit him with his other arm. So my husband grabbed his other
00:16:14 --> 00:16:17 arm, just trying to restrain him from hitting and lashing out.
00:16:18 --> 00:16:22 And then Alex lunged at him with his body. And they both fell in the laundry
00:16:22 --> 00:16:24 room, and they both hurt their backs.
00:16:24 --> 00:16:27 And Alex ended up getting his own little apartment downtown.
00:16:28 --> 00:16:34 And I called my ex-husband. I still remember sitting in the Joanne's Fabrics parking lot in tears.
00:16:34 --> 00:16:38 And I said, I don't want to get the call that Alex is gone.
00:16:39 --> 00:16:42 Something's wrong. and I was told he's fine.
00:16:43 --> 00:16:46 He's being 21. He's being angry. This is what they do, Allie.
00:16:46 --> 00:16:48 He's not going to take his life.
00:16:48 --> 00:16:54 Can I ask a question, Allie? Had he ever threatened to take his life before
00:16:54 --> 00:16:56 or done anything to self-harm before?
00:16:56 --> 00:17:00 I'll fast forward to that. That comes a little bit later. Okay.
00:17:00 --> 00:17:02 Okay. But to this point, he had not.
00:17:03 --> 00:17:07 So he had his little apartment and, you know, we would go down to downtown and
00:17:07 --> 00:17:09 obviously take him out to eat.
00:17:10 --> 00:17:14 And I remember one day he met us. So downtown Prescott is pretty small.
00:17:14 --> 00:17:17 He had this little cute apartment overlooking downtown.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:20 And I said, honey, walk over to us. We're having lunch.
00:17:20 --> 00:17:24 And he walked in with this cup and I grabbed the cup and I smelled it.
00:17:24 --> 00:17:27 And I said, it's 11 a.m. Are you drinking vodka?
00:17:28 --> 00:17:32 And he started laughing and I was like Alex buddy
00:17:32 --> 00:17:35 this is not good and he just
00:17:35 --> 00:17:39 laughed he thought it was funny he needed
00:17:39 --> 00:17:45 help and I no matter how hard I tried to say I'm concerned he just kept telling
00:17:45 --> 00:17:52 me I'm fine I'm bored and I knew otherwise I was his mom I knew that this wasn't
00:17:52 --> 00:17:56 out of the ordinary or out of the ordinary because Alex didn't drink in high
00:17:56 --> 00:17:59 school he didn't like the taste of alcohol, so something had shifted.
00:18:01 --> 00:18:07 So he was there, I want to say, eight months, nine months, maybe in that apartment.
00:18:07 --> 00:18:09 And we get this phone call.
00:18:09 --> 00:18:14 My husband and I and our youngest were going out to dinner. My two middle boys
00:18:14 --> 00:18:16 were visiting their dad.
00:18:17 --> 00:18:21 And Alex calls me and he says, I have a flat tire. And I said,
00:18:21 --> 00:18:23 okay, where are you, honey? We have AAA. We'll meet you over there.
00:18:24 --> 00:18:30 And he could not tell me where he was. And I'm like, Alex, are you on something?
00:18:30 --> 00:18:32 I could just tell by the tone of his voice.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:37 And he said, no. And he got mad. And I said, okay, just send me a drop pin. We'll get to you.
00:18:37 --> 00:18:41 He could not figure out how to send a drop pin. So I called my ex-husband.
00:18:42 --> 00:18:43 I said, can you try calling Alex?
00:18:44 --> 00:18:48 I can't get ahold of him or he can't figure out how to send the drop pin. I can't find him.
00:18:49 --> 00:18:51 He's got a flat tire. He finally sends me a drop pin.
00:18:52 --> 00:18:57 And by the time we get to him, he was on the same road he drove to work every single day.
00:18:58 --> 00:19:03 Pulled off on the side of the highway by the lake, and I walk up to him,
00:19:03 --> 00:19:06 and he's sitting there with his leg pitched up, the door open,
00:19:06 --> 00:19:10 and his tire was pretty banged up.
00:19:11 --> 00:19:13 And I was like, oh my gosh, buddy, what'd you hit?
00:19:14 --> 00:19:18 And he started getting mad, and I immediately smelt it. I'm like,
00:19:18 --> 00:19:20 you're drinking, you're on something.
00:19:20 --> 00:19:23 He's like, no, I'm not, you know, getting really upset and angry.
00:19:23 --> 00:19:26 And I said, Alex, I can tell you're on something.
00:19:27 --> 00:19:32 You just know. And I could smell it. So he had on the left side of his Lexus
00:19:32 --> 00:19:37 SUV, he had one of those like 24 ounce cups from the gas station.
00:19:38 --> 00:19:41 And I opened it and it was just pure vodka.
00:19:43 --> 00:19:46 Hey, it's Lisa Sugarman, co-host of the Survivors and founder of The Help Hub.
00:19:47 --> 00:19:51 If you're listening right now and you're not okay, if you're feeling overwhelmed,
00:19:52 --> 00:19:56 stuck, or like you're carrying more than you can handle, please know you don't
00:19:56 --> 00:19:57 have to go through it alone.
00:19:57 --> 00:20:04 You can call or text 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org to connect with trained
00:20:04 --> 00:20:07 counselors like me who are there to listen and support you in the moment.
00:20:08 --> 00:20:13 Reaching out is a brave first step and you owe it to yourself because your life
00:20:13 --> 00:20:18 matters, your story matters, and help is always just three numbers away.
00:20:21 --> 00:20:25 So I start looking around his car and I see these little 99 banana bottles,
00:20:26 --> 00:20:29 empty bottles, and a whole, a new pack in the door of his car.
00:20:30 --> 00:20:32 What are, tell me what that is. I don't know what those are.
00:20:32 --> 00:20:37 99 banana is like a little shot of like pretty hardcore liquor.
00:20:37 --> 00:20:40 I don't, I don't know exactly what kind of liquor it is. Okay.
00:20:40 --> 00:20:43 So I immediately said, give me your keys.
00:20:44 --> 00:20:48 And I was upset with him. I thought, okay, fine, throw your life down the tubes,
00:20:48 --> 00:20:53 but you don't get in the car behind the wheel and risk other people. Right.
00:20:54 --> 00:20:59 And I get no one's perfect. I was 21 once, but I'm his mom. You know,
00:20:59 --> 00:21:00 I was disappointed in him.
00:21:01 --> 00:21:04 And he started crying as I'm cleaning out the car, and I said,
00:21:04 --> 00:21:06 hand me over your keys. I need the car keys.
00:21:07 --> 00:21:10 You're not taking this car anywhere tonight. There is no way you'll even be
00:21:10 --> 00:21:13 sober to drive it in the morning the way I was looking at it.
00:21:14 --> 00:21:17 And i'm sitting in the passenger seat at this point and
00:21:17 --> 00:21:20 i have found a trash bag and i'm putting all the liquor in a
00:21:20 --> 00:21:25 trash bag and this whole time he's denying drinking and i'm like you can't deny
00:21:25 --> 00:21:32 it at this point and he just starts panicking and he grabs his gun and cocks
00:21:32 --> 00:21:37 it and a bullet flies out on my lap and i started panicking and i called for
00:21:37 --> 00:21:40 my husband to come over i called my ex-husband,
00:21:40 --> 00:21:44 And Alex took off and ran down the embankment in the dark to the lake,
00:21:44 --> 00:21:48 which is a pretty, it's like a drop off.
00:21:49 --> 00:21:54 And I'm panicking. I'm like, oh my gosh, what is going on right now? And...
00:21:55 --> 00:21:59 We finally get Alex back up. And the minute he sets his gun down,
00:21:59 --> 00:22:03 and my husband immediately grabs it and dismantles it and confiscates it.
00:22:04 --> 00:22:08 What I wanted to ask you was, did Alex have a license to carry?
00:22:09 --> 00:22:12 Not a license. In the state of Arizona, you don't have to have a license to
00:22:12 --> 00:22:16 carry. You can just walk in and buy a gun at 21 with a background check.
00:22:16 --> 00:22:24 So he's 21 by the time this is all occurring? Okay. Okay. Okay. And so that night...
00:22:26 --> 00:22:29 So at that point, I did not know what was going on. So we have the gun.
00:22:30 --> 00:22:33 We take his car and we drop it off the Walmart parking lot.
00:22:33 --> 00:22:37 I took his tools out of his car. I didn't know what was going on,
00:22:37 --> 00:22:41 but I was concerned. So I removed anything we thought he could harm himself with.
00:22:43 --> 00:22:45 But he started, you know, started getting really angry at us.
00:22:45 --> 00:22:47 So I'm like, you need to sleep this off.
00:22:48 --> 00:22:51 We left him in his car in the Walmart parking lot. He was safe.
00:22:51 --> 00:22:57 He was in Prescott, but he was very angry. and I'm not going to bring you home
00:22:57 --> 00:22:58 to your brother's acting like this.
00:22:58 --> 00:23:03 You can sleep in your car at 21 if you're going to sit and cuss your mom out.
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06 And sleep it off. You're drunken.
00:23:06 --> 00:23:11 So the next day I get the call from my ex-husband. He said, do not give that gun back to him.
00:23:11 --> 00:23:14 And I said, why? Well, we weren't going to anyways, but I said,
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17 why? What happened? He said he threatened to take his life.
00:23:18 --> 00:23:21 Okay. So Alex starts calling me nonstop.
00:23:22 --> 00:23:26 And I told him, I said, no, given what we called, he called my ex-husband dad.
00:23:27 --> 00:23:30 So I said, given what dad said, I'm not giving this gun back to you.
00:23:30 --> 00:23:36 My ex-husband has a problem with lying. So Alex said, mom, I didn't say that.
00:23:36 --> 00:23:38 He's lying. That never happened.
00:23:39 --> 00:23:43 And I said, I'm not willing to take the risk. You're not getting it back.
00:23:43 --> 00:23:49 So he called the police and the sheriffs tried to come out. And we told the
00:23:49 --> 00:23:51 sheriff we're keeping this gun to protect himself.
00:23:52 --> 00:23:57 Unfortunately, that's a felony. A mom can't protect her son from himself by taking their gun away.
00:23:58 --> 00:24:02 It's a felony in the state of Arizona. My head just exploded.
00:24:03 --> 00:24:05 I don't even know what to say to that.
00:24:06 --> 00:24:11 That's a whole other episode, I think. We just discovered. I'm floored. Yeah.
00:24:12 --> 00:24:16 So we told the sheriff, we talked to the sheriff again the next day,
00:24:16 --> 00:24:18 and we said, we need to bring this gun and turn it in to you then,
00:24:18 --> 00:24:22 because we're not going to keep it here. I don't want a felony.
00:24:22 --> 00:24:27 Even though I'd be willing to take a felony to protect my son from himself, I'm not giving it back.
00:24:28 --> 00:24:33 Luckily, the sheriff's department did understand, and we turned it in, and my husband told him.
00:24:33 --> 00:24:36 They had a little heart-to-heart on the side of the road. He even turned his
00:24:36 --> 00:24:41 camera off and said, you know, you're doing the right thing.
00:24:41 --> 00:24:43 You're protecting your child from himself.
00:24:43 --> 00:24:45 The DA will not take this case.
00:24:46 --> 00:24:51 So the DA did drop the case and Alex's handgun is still sitting in the press
00:24:51 --> 00:24:53 kit to police department and evidence.
00:24:54 --> 00:24:58 But Alex got angry at us. And at that point I told him, it is time.
00:24:59 --> 00:25:02 I am so deeply concerned about you, Alex. I don't know what's going on,
00:25:02 --> 00:25:05 buddy, but I will hold your hand. I will walk with you to AA.
00:25:06 --> 00:25:09 I will go in with you. I will sit with you if that's what you need.
00:25:09 --> 00:25:12 But something is going on. We need treatment.
00:25:13 --> 00:25:19 His biological dad was aware of this, and he goes completely MIA for two weeks.
00:25:19 --> 00:25:23 So I'm texting his dad, and I'm going, his biological dad, I'm saying, where is he?
00:25:23 --> 00:25:26 So Alex went missing for two weeks.
00:25:26 --> 00:25:29 So I thought. Oh, okay.
00:25:30 --> 00:25:35 His biological dad told him, convinced him basically to move back to California
00:25:35 --> 00:25:38 and decided not to tell me where Alex was.
00:25:39 --> 00:25:41 Given the circumstances, I was frantic.
00:25:42 --> 00:25:48 Yeah. So I find out he moves there. And I find out after he dies and texts that
00:25:48 --> 00:25:51 his dad's telling him, oh, our family takes care of each other, son. Come on out here.
00:25:53 --> 00:25:58 Never housed Alex. Alex moves in with his best friend. He was there for about five months.
00:25:59 --> 00:26:02 And he finally calls me. It was about two weeks later. And I said,
00:26:02 --> 00:26:05 Alex, where have you been? Oh, my God. I was scared.
00:26:06 --> 00:26:09 I was calling hospitals. Like, I didn't know what was going on.
00:26:09 --> 00:26:12 And he's like, Mom, I just needed to get back to where my friends are.
00:26:13 --> 00:26:15 And I said, OK, I understand that. You're 21.
00:26:16 --> 00:26:22 And I said, OK, I get it. You know, I can't lock him in a basement at this age, which I would.
00:26:23 --> 00:26:27 If I had it my way as a mom, yes, I would. Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of us would.
00:26:29 --> 00:26:33 And we went out to visit him a couple months later. Again, seemed to be doing great.
00:26:33 --> 00:26:37 Flew him home for Christmas. Seemed to be doing really good.
00:26:37 --> 00:26:39 Got certified as an HVAC technician.
00:26:39 --> 00:26:41 Was really proud of his achievements.
00:26:42 --> 00:26:47 He was doing great. And then come end of November, decided to move in with his
00:26:47 --> 00:26:49 aunt on his dad's side with his three cousins.
00:26:50 --> 00:26:57 His biological dad's side. Mm-hmm. Okay. And this is where things go off the rails. Yeah. Yeah.
00:26:58 --> 00:27:01 You know, at Christmas time, I didn't notice any big shifts.
00:27:01 --> 00:27:03 He seemed to actually be doing great.
00:27:03 --> 00:27:07 The only thing he said to me, I still remember this night, we were sitting watching
00:27:07 --> 00:27:11 a movie and he's like, Mom, I don't want to go back.
00:27:12 --> 00:27:17 He said, oh, honey, I know. I get it. You know, I told him you can always come home.
00:27:17 --> 00:27:20 He was always welcome home. He just had to follow the rules. Mm-hmm.
00:27:22 --> 00:27:26 You had other kids to protect, Allie. That was your priority.
00:27:26 --> 00:27:32 I know. And he was a grown man at that point and had to be responsible for how
00:27:32 --> 00:27:36 he lived his life when he was living it under your roof.
00:27:36 --> 00:27:41 I just wasn't going to tolerate I wasn't going to watch my son sink right in
00:27:41 --> 00:27:42 front of my eyes either and do nothing,
00:27:43 --> 00:27:48 so I surprised him and extended his flight a couple more days and I went in
00:27:48 --> 00:27:52 the next morning and I was like I was like hey buddy I extended your flight
00:27:52 --> 00:27:55 do you think you can call your boss and he's like what?
00:27:55 --> 00:27:57 One thing about Alex was he was
00:27:57 --> 00:28:03 always appreciative and thankful for everything and he was so excited and.
00:28:06 --> 00:28:11 He he loved his new job so even i you know i thought he was just saying that
00:28:11 --> 00:28:17 because i missed home he missed home but he went back and you know three full months later he was dead.
00:28:19 --> 00:28:25 Did he end up did he end up staying the extra couple of days oh yeah he oh yeah he was thrilled Yeah.
00:28:26 --> 00:28:32 So fast forward to now he's living with his aunt on his biological dad's side,
00:28:32 --> 00:28:36 and he's in an environment, and I know this because I've been following you
00:28:36 --> 00:28:38 for a long time now, and Natasha knows it too.
00:28:39 --> 00:28:47 But for anyone who's listening, they don't know how incredibly toxic and damaging that period of time was.
00:28:48 --> 00:28:54 So do you feel like you can give us kind of a snapshot of what was happening right before?
00:28:55 --> 00:29:01 Lots of drugs. I didn't know about the drugs until after he passed. The family lied to me.
00:29:02 --> 00:29:06 It wasn't until I got into Alex's phone and I saw firsthand what was going on.
00:29:06 --> 00:29:10 The cousins were the female cousin. There's three of them his age.
00:29:11 --> 00:29:13 And then there's an older cousin that did not live there.
00:29:14 --> 00:29:19 But the three of them his age did live there. And apparently he'd put a gun
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 to his head New Year's Eve.
00:29:21 --> 00:29:24 And on the drugs, the cocaine and shrooms, they were selling him.
00:29:25 --> 00:29:27 And was threatening his life.
00:29:27 --> 00:29:31 They were threatening his life? He was threatening his own life that night on drugs.
00:29:31 --> 00:29:37 Apparently it happened again several times, but they put in the investigation.
00:29:37 --> 00:29:38 They thought he was seeking attention.
00:29:39 --> 00:29:45 So fast forward, come the end of March, Alex calls me and says,
00:29:45 --> 00:29:47 Mom, I'm going to move out of my aunt's home.
00:29:48 --> 00:29:52 And I said, okay, well, honey, make it temporary because we were planning on moving to Missouri.
00:29:53 --> 00:29:58 And I told him, I'm not going all the way to the Midwest without all my boys. It's just too far.
00:29:59 --> 00:30:04 And he was really excited. And I was sending him pictures or links to home so
00:30:04 --> 00:30:06 he could get an idea of what we were looking at.
00:30:07 --> 00:30:10 And he had called me and he said, I'm going to move out.
00:30:10 --> 00:30:14 And I was kind of shocked because on his aunt's Facebook, which I was friends
00:30:14 --> 00:30:18 with for years, not friends, but, you know, just on each other's pages,
00:30:18 --> 00:30:22 everything was about God and her daughter being baptized. So I honestly thought
00:30:22 --> 00:30:24 this family had just turned their life around.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:29 You don't know what you don't know. You don't. And it goes to show how fake social media is.
00:30:30 --> 00:30:35 And I'm just going to say that's always a cover for deeper things going on.
00:30:36 --> 00:30:39 So I was shocked when he wanted to move out. And I was like,
00:30:39 --> 00:30:42 why? What's going on? But he's like, Mom, they just party too much.
00:30:42 --> 00:30:44 And I don't think they have my back.
00:30:44 --> 00:30:48 I was like, OK, well, I mean, just don't make it permanent.
00:30:48 --> 00:30:53 And he's like, no, it's fine. His best friend Ryan is painting the room for
00:30:53 --> 00:30:55 me again. He's getting the room ready again for me.
00:30:55 --> 00:30:58 And I was like, okay. Well, then fast forward a couple more days.
00:30:58 --> 00:31:00 So this was about a week before.
00:31:00 --> 00:31:05 Fast forward a couple more days, he calls me and asks me to teach him how to grill a steak.
00:31:05 --> 00:31:09 And I was like, hey, yeah, we're FaceTiming. And I'm like, and he's asking me
00:31:09 --> 00:31:11 typical Alex questions.
00:31:11 --> 00:31:15 Do we leave the gas on? Well, yeah, you need gas to have fire. Right.
00:31:16 --> 00:31:20 Fundamental art of cooking. Use gas. Fire. Fire cooks food.
00:31:24 --> 00:31:28 And he was so proud of himself and i
00:31:28 --> 00:31:31 hear his aunt i hear them in the kitchen i said
00:31:31 --> 00:31:34 well honey why aren't you in the kitchen eating with everybody else and he
00:31:34 --> 00:31:37 says oh that's a story for another
00:31:37 --> 00:31:42 day and i was like oh okay so the next day i'm talking to him and he goes i'm
00:31:42 --> 00:31:46 not allowed to eat their food apparently it's not their job to feed me too oh
00:31:46 --> 00:31:50 which i thought was odd because you know whoever's in our home gets a meal we
00:31:50 --> 00:31:55 always have extra so especially if it's family sure right same same with us,
00:31:56 --> 00:31:59 But apparently, Thursday night, getting into his phone and seeing the timeline,
00:32:00 --> 00:32:02 they got drugs Thursday night again, more cocaine.
00:32:03 --> 00:32:08 Friday night, this is things I found out after he died. Apparently,
00:32:08 --> 00:32:10 he put the gun to his head again.
00:32:11 --> 00:32:19 One of the cousins, at this point, went to his mom. And she texted Alex's biological dad.
00:32:19 --> 00:32:24 Mind you, Alex's biological dad hadn't seen Alex in over three months.
00:32:24 --> 00:32:25 And he lived an hour from him.
00:32:26 --> 00:32:30 And that's basically all that was done that weekend by her. And he did nothing.
00:32:30 --> 00:32:35 Absolutely nothing. He texted him. And he didn't call you. Nothing.
00:32:35 --> 00:32:38 Come Monday, apparently he got
00:32:38 --> 00:32:42 Alex on the phone, and they had a phone conversation for about 13 minutes.
00:32:42 --> 00:32:45 I'm not sure what was said on that phone call, but here's the thing.
00:32:45 --> 00:32:49 If you're this concerned, which you should be this concerned with someone putting
00:32:49 --> 00:32:52 the gun to their head on the drugs you're providing and selling them,
00:32:52 --> 00:32:54 that should be a major concern to you.
00:32:55 --> 00:32:59 So why were they still selling him and getting him drugs down to the Monday
00:32:59 --> 00:33:01 night that he pulled the trigger? Why?
00:33:02 --> 00:33:08 So that night— And you still haven't gotten the answers to that question, I assume. So that night—.
00:33:09 --> 00:33:12 I still didn't hear anything until the next day. It wasn't until the next day
00:33:12 --> 00:33:18 I get the text on April 1st from his dad, biological dad, that call me Alex killed himself.
00:33:18 --> 00:33:20 Oh, my God. You got a text?
00:33:21 --> 00:33:27 I got a text. Oh, Allie. I don't think I knew that detail. I didn't either. I am so sorry.
00:33:28 --> 00:33:32 Looking for mental health resources that actually fit who you are and where
00:33:32 --> 00:33:35 you come from? Then you need to check out the Help Hub.
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00:33:40 --> 00:33:43 built for real people living real lives.
00:33:43 --> 00:33:50 People managing stress, anxiety, depression, trauma and abuse, grief or suicide loss.
00:33:50 --> 00:33:55 At the Help Hub, you'll find the resources, tools, treatment options and trauma
00:33:55 --> 00:33:59 informed content you need in the moment without having to dig through endless
00:33:59 --> 00:34:01 tabs or start from scratch.
00:34:01 --> 00:34:07 It's your place to land, to take a breath, and to find exactly what you need when you need it most.
00:34:08 --> 00:34:12 Visit thehelphub.co where the help you need is just a click away.
00:34:19 --> 00:34:23 My boys are fighting. No, that's okay. Isn't that what boys do?
00:34:24 --> 00:34:26 I am a girl mom. I have two girls.
00:34:26 --> 00:34:29 I'm hearing them wrestle out there. I'm like, oh, of course.
00:34:30 --> 00:34:35 This could go south fast. That's okay. That's okay. We are moms. We get it.
00:34:35 --> 00:34:40 My kids got a 13, 14-year-old girl and 12-year-old boy got into a slap fight
00:34:40 --> 00:34:43 the other night. Like, they wanted it. And it got so bad.
00:34:44 --> 00:34:47 They wanted it. No, they did. They, for real, wanted a slap fight.
00:34:47 --> 00:34:53 And at the point where Dominic is covered in just red marks all over his naked chest.
00:34:53 --> 00:34:55 Never underestimate that the older sister.
00:34:56 --> 00:34:59 I was like, I'm going to call it. And he still wanted to go.
00:35:00 --> 00:35:02 I was like, dude, go look in the mirror.
00:35:04 --> 00:35:09 Right. Be careful what you wish for, buddy. My nine-year-old is pure fire.
00:35:10 --> 00:35:12 All right. So you...
00:35:14 --> 00:35:19 Get the text message. You get a text message now from Alex's biological dad
00:35:19 --> 00:35:23 that he has killed himself.
00:35:23 --> 00:35:27 I was standing at the kitchen counter making my youngest lunch.
00:35:27 --> 00:35:32 I'll never forget that day. It was, I'll never forget it.
00:35:32 --> 00:35:35 It was the worst moment of my life. And I started screaming,
00:35:35 --> 00:35:38 no, something's wrong. So I'm on the phone with him.
00:35:38 --> 00:35:42 And I said, when, how? He goes, I don't know. I don't know.
00:35:42 --> 00:35:47 And I said, well, where are you? what's going on? So apparently the coroner
00:35:47 --> 00:35:51 was at his sister's, yeah, the police were waiting for the coroner.
00:35:51 --> 00:35:54 And the house was taped off. And I said, are you going? And he said,
00:35:54 --> 00:35:56 there's nothing I can do there.
00:35:56 --> 00:36:01 Wow. I had to scream at him. I said, if there's one time in our son's life you
00:36:01 --> 00:36:03 get to him, you get to him now.
00:36:04 --> 00:36:05 Are you kidding me?
00:36:06 --> 00:36:10 I also called my ex-husband and he dropped
00:36:10 --> 00:36:12 everything was two hours away dropped everything and raced to
00:36:12 --> 00:36:15 the house and you know
00:36:15 --> 00:36:18 we lived six and a half seven hours away so the
00:36:18 --> 00:36:22 kids were at school i couldn't have gotten there by the time the coroner's got
00:36:22 --> 00:36:27 his body out so my ex-husband calls me and says there's something wrong with
00:36:27 --> 00:36:32 this house ali he says there's something wrong with these people they're eating
00:36:32 --> 00:36:36 effing lunch in the garage while they're pulling out our baby's dead body.
00:36:37 --> 00:36:40 And is this your, this is your husband at the time? My ex-husband.
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 Your ex-husband, okay. Okay.
00:36:42 --> 00:36:47 But that's who Alex referred to as his dad. He called both his biological dad
00:36:47 --> 00:36:52 and my ex-husband dad, but my ex-husband was the one that was in his life more.
00:36:52 --> 00:36:56 His biological dad, their relationship was very transactional.
00:36:58 --> 00:37:01 Going back to those moments, it's hard. So, you know, his biological dad and
00:37:01 --> 00:37:04 I are just talking, constantly texting. It was a shock.
00:37:05 --> 00:37:10 Something was wrong. So that night, I ended up talking to my son's aunt on his
00:37:10 --> 00:37:17 dad's side, and I had her on speaker with my husband, and I asked her what happened.
00:37:17 --> 00:37:21 And she kept saying, I think it was my fault. And I said, your fault?
00:37:21 --> 00:37:22 How? What do you mean your fault?
00:37:23 --> 00:37:29 And that's when she said Alex put a gun to his head Friday night one of the
00:37:29 --> 00:37:31 cousins was also on that phone call with her.
00:37:32 --> 00:37:37 And that she text his dad and I
00:37:37 --> 00:37:41 said that's it that's it why didn't you contact me and she goes well Alex never
00:37:41 --> 00:37:45 wanted me to call you and it's like of course he didn't of course he doesn't
00:37:45 --> 00:37:51 want you to call me when your house is doing drugs which I found out later now
00:37:51 --> 00:37:53 I understand that I don't know.
00:37:53 --> 00:37:59 She told me, and I said, well, why didn't you do anything Friday night? She goes, I don't know.
00:38:01 --> 00:38:06 I asked if there was drugs involved. They both, the older, one of the cousins and the aunt said no.
00:38:07 --> 00:38:13 What do toxicology reports say? Yeah. He had cocaine in his system. Okay. Okay. Yeah.
00:38:15 --> 00:38:20 So, gosh, this is, going backwards is so hard to like piece these moments together
00:38:20 --> 00:38:22 because it's like the midst of trauma.
00:38:23 --> 00:38:26 That's okay. Take your time. Okay.
00:38:26 --> 00:38:29 So the police, I said, did you call the police? And she said,
00:38:29 --> 00:38:34 yeah, we called the police. We were screaming at them to get inside, that he was suicidal.
00:38:34 --> 00:38:37 We were begging them to get inside, Allie, and they wouldn't go inside.
00:38:37 --> 00:38:41 So for days, I'm thinking, why would the police not go inside?
00:38:42 --> 00:38:45 What do you mean no? Was this on Friday?
00:38:46 --> 00:38:49 No, he took his life four nights after he put the gun to his head.
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50 Okay, okay. Monday night.
00:38:51 --> 00:38:55 So she said Alex was screaming out. He had the stick to his head.
00:38:55 --> 00:38:58 Okay. And I said, you didn't go in the room?
00:38:58 --> 00:39:04 She goes, well, no, I don't know. It was really hard to get anything concrete from them.
00:39:04 --> 00:39:07 So I'm like, okay, well, then why wouldn't the police go in?
00:39:07 --> 00:39:11 Something's wrong. Like, was he threatening anyone's life? And Hannah's like, no.
00:39:12 --> 00:39:17 And so I started calling the police and talked to, I believe,
00:39:17 --> 00:39:20 almost every officer that was on site the Monday night.
00:39:21 --> 00:39:24 Tuesday, the next day is when they found his body.
00:39:24 --> 00:39:28 And the police said, ma'am, they did not tell us he was suicidal.
00:39:28 --> 00:39:30 They did not tell us that he had his gun.
00:39:31 --> 00:39:34 They did not tell us he was threatening he had to stick to his head.
00:39:34 --> 00:39:38 If anything, they said they were not in fear of his or their life.
00:39:38 --> 00:39:43 So law enforcement did try and call Alex's phone a couple times. He didn't answer.
00:39:44 --> 00:39:48 I didn't know about a video yet. So, you know, I'm still piecing it all together
00:39:48 --> 00:39:50 and trying to understand what's all going on.
00:39:51 --> 00:39:56 So law enforcement, I said, well, then something's wrong. So law enforcement
00:39:56 --> 00:39:58 agreed, let's do an investigation.
00:39:59 --> 00:40:02 It wasn't until days later I found out there was a video. And you're talking
00:40:02 --> 00:40:05 now about the Snapchat video. Mm-hmm.
00:40:05 --> 00:40:10 That Alex recorded? Alex didn't. His cousins did. Cousins did,
00:40:10 --> 00:40:11 yeah. That's right. That's right. Yeah.
00:40:12 --> 00:40:15 His biological dad reached out to me and said, I think the cousins think they
00:40:15 --> 00:40:18 have a video. And I said, what do you mean think?
00:40:18 --> 00:40:21 And he goes, I don't know. I'll send it to you. Well, he never did,
00:40:22 --> 00:40:25 so I'm messaging the aunt, send me the video. Now I need to see this.
00:40:27 --> 00:40:28 And the minute I heard it.
00:40:30 --> 00:40:36 Very obviously the gunshot. They picked up their phones in the midst of crisis
00:40:36 --> 00:40:41 and decided to record him on Snapchat outside of his room and recorded his last words.
00:40:42 --> 00:40:44 His last words were pure rage. It was, fuck that.
00:40:45 --> 00:40:48 The gun goes off. It's a very distinct pop.
00:40:48 --> 00:40:51 They're on the stairs, which is not far from his bedroom, and are recording
00:40:51 --> 00:40:55 it. And the female cousin starts frantically looking for her cat.
00:40:56 --> 00:41:00 One of the male cousins slightly pauses in the video but keeps going,
00:41:00 --> 00:41:04 and you hear the aunt in the background going, oh my God, oh my God, what was that?
00:41:05 --> 00:41:08 And the female cousin says, oh, nothing, he threw something.
00:41:08 --> 00:41:11 The minute my husband and I heard that video, I collapsed to my knees,
00:41:11 --> 00:41:13 we knew it was a gunshot, and so did the investigator.
00:41:13 --> 00:41:18 It was loud. I'm so sorry. A nine millimeter gunshot inside of a home is loud,
00:41:18 --> 00:41:20 and it's a very distinct sound.
00:41:20 --> 00:41:24 So they apparently called law enforcement after that, but failed to tell law
00:41:24 --> 00:41:28 enforcement they had a video, failed to show them, failed to tell them that
00:41:28 --> 00:41:32 he was on drugs, that they were supplying him and selling him,
00:41:32 --> 00:41:34 and didn't tell them he was suicidal.
00:41:34 --> 00:41:37 So apparently nobody entered that room for 14 hours.
00:41:38 --> 00:41:42 My son's body lied on that floor for over 14 hours. Why they went back to bed
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43 is what they put in the investigation.
00:41:44 --> 00:41:49 I don't even know what to say. I know this story,
00:41:49 --> 00:41:52 and I've heard you say this story in different
00:41:52 --> 00:41:57 ways at different times since i've been following you it
00:41:57 --> 00:42:01 is a next level experience being i know we're not in person in person in the
00:42:01 --> 00:42:07 same place as if if we were i'd be hugging you right now but hearing you say
00:42:07 --> 00:42:13 it to us like this there is no way to describe what that feel like i'm so sorry
00:42:13 --> 00:42:16 ali i'm so sorry Thank you.
00:42:18 --> 00:42:28 I think that we've covered a lot of this story, a lot of what led up to Alex taking his life.
00:42:28 --> 00:42:31 And I know how hard this is for
00:42:31 --> 00:42:35 you every time you have to share this in whatever context you share it.
00:42:35 --> 00:42:41 We talked before we started this recording that we were going to make a two-parter out of this.
00:42:41 --> 00:42:47 I think if everybody agrees, I think this might be the good place to continue
00:42:47 --> 00:42:52 the conversation in our second part and just take a breather,
00:42:52 --> 00:43:00 take a pause, and everyone can come back next week and listen to the second
00:43:00 --> 00:43:06 part of our conversation with Allie as she shares with us what happened next.
00:43:06 --> 00:43:10 What do you want parents to understand? What did you go through?
00:43:10 --> 00:43:14 Why did you take to mental health advocacy? Does that sound reasonable?
00:43:14 --> 00:43:16 I could use a break. Yeah, that sounds great.
00:43:17 --> 00:43:22 Okay. So we will be back, friends. We'll be back next week with Allie.
00:43:22 --> 00:43:23 In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:43:25 --> 00:43:28 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of the Survivors community.
00:43:29 --> 00:43:33 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone, and you're definitely not broken.
00:43:34 --> 00:43:38 Healing takes time, and it looks different for everyone. The fact that you're
00:43:38 --> 00:43:42 still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:43:42 --> 00:43:46 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:43:46 --> 00:43:48 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:43:48 --> 00:43:53 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:43:54 --> 00:43:56 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember,
00:43:57 --> 00:43:58 help is always out there.
00:43:58 --> 00:44:03 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:44:03 --> 00:44:06 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:44:06 --> 00:44:10 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:44:10 --> 00:44:14 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:44:14 --> 00:44:18 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:44:18 --> 00:44:24 Until then, take care of yourself and your people, and keep surviving. Bye.