*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide, sexual abuse & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
In Part 1 of a powerful conversation with Kaitlin Palmieri, Kaitlin recounts two devastating losses: the drowning of her boyfriend Mike at her 30th birthday and the sudden death of her fiancé Eric on their wedding day. Then, three years later, Kaitlin discovered another unimaginable truth: her fiancé Eric was living a secret double life with other women.
The episode explores shock, grief, betrayal, and the long, complicated road toward healing.
Raw and honest, this episode offers a glimpse into what it takes to keep going after unimaginable events and reminds listeners that healing is always possible.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Key Topics
- Kaitlin Palmieri's experience of losing her fiancé Mike on her 30th birthday
- The discovery of her fiancé's double life and betrayal in 2018
- Her journey through grief, trauma, and healing over the years
- The impact of her story going viral and sharing her truth
- The importance of community, connection, and self-love in recovery
- Her reflections on trust, betrayal, and forgiveness
- The role of therapy and support groups in her healing process
- Her current life with her husband Sean and moving forward
Topics
- Sharing your story can be a powerful step in healing
- Community and connection are vital in overcoming trauma
- Trusting your instincts is crucial in abusive or manipulative situations
- Healing is a non-linear process that requires patience and self-compassion
- Allowing yourself to grieve fully is essential for true healing
- Survivors can find love and happiness again after tragedy
Chapters
00:00 - Introduction to Kaitlin's extraordinary story 04:07 - The day Kaitlin's fiancé Mike tragically died 12:09 - Discovering the betrayal and double life of Mike 19:56 - Kaitlin's journey through grief, trauma, and healing 29:56 - The viral story and sharing her truth 39:57 - Her relationship with Sean and finding love again 49:57 - Reflections on trust, betrayal, and resilience 01:00 - The message of survival and communityMental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
- Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss (Familius Books)
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
Follow & Connect With Us
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See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 Hey friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:08 Our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:08 --> 00:00:12 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:12 --> 00:00:17 This is The Survivors. Real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:17 --> 00:00:20 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:24 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:28 Today is part one of our powerful conversation with Caitlin Palmieri.
00:00:29 --> 00:00:35 Buckle in, because Caitlin's story of loss and betrayal will leave you shook. Here we go.
00:00:36 --> 00:00:43 Okay, so today's story and guest has so many layers to it that I don't even
00:00:43 --> 00:00:44 know where to dive in. I really don't.
00:00:45 --> 00:00:50 Our guest this week on the pod is Caitlin Palmieri. Did I say that right?
00:00:50 --> 00:00:54 Yes, that's perfect. Oh, fantastic. Caitlin's story is a hard one,
00:00:54 --> 00:00:58 I think, to hear for a lot of reasons that you'll learn.
00:00:59 --> 00:01:06 She suffered an unimaginable kind of loss on the day that was supposed to be
00:01:06 --> 00:01:09 the beginning of the rest of her life. I guess that might be the best way to put it.
00:01:10 --> 00:01:15 Absolutely. Yeah. Then three years later, she discovered something that completely
00:01:15 --> 00:01:17 upended her entire life.
00:01:17 --> 00:01:21 But that isn't where your story starts. What I know of your story,
00:01:21 --> 00:01:24 and you and I have talked at length, what I know about your story,
00:01:24 --> 00:01:27 that isn't even where everything kind of really starts.
00:01:28 --> 00:01:35 So we're going to let Caitlin, in her own words, tell you her story because
00:01:35 --> 00:01:39 it's a humdinger and I'm not making light of it. It's just the word that came to mind.
00:01:40 --> 00:01:46 Caitlin, hi. Hi. Welcome to the pod. Thank you so much for having me.
00:01:46 --> 00:01:48 Oh, it's a pleasure. It's our pleasure.
00:01:48 --> 00:01:53 So you have suffered an unimaginable kind of loss, incredible loss.
00:01:54 --> 00:01:58 And if you're good with it, we just want to kind of dive into the deep end and
00:01:58 --> 00:02:01 go back to the very beginning of your first loss.
00:02:02 --> 00:02:07 Yes. Because the loss that I think that you're most known for nowadays is not
00:02:07 --> 00:02:13 even the most, I think it's a powerful one, of course, but it's not the first one.
00:02:14 --> 00:02:19 So your, I guess, story in regard to loss and what you've dealt with starts,
00:02:20 --> 00:02:22 really starts like on your 30th birthday. Is that right?
00:02:23 --> 00:02:28 Yes. Yeah. Okay. You were in a relationship with a man who you told me was like
00:02:28 --> 00:02:30 the love of your life named Mike.
00:02:31 --> 00:02:35 Yeah. We love Mike. Nothing. Take us back. You're 30 years old,
00:02:36 --> 00:02:40 and you were at your 30th birthday party, right?
00:02:41 --> 00:02:43 Yes. Take us back. Okay.
00:02:43 --> 00:02:48 So I'd been dating Mike for a year, just about, just a little bit over.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:50 We met through friends, and,
00:02:53 --> 00:02:57 he was just one of those people. He knew what he wanted,
00:02:57 --> 00:03:08 and it was the first time that I really felt like a man wanted me for real, for the future,
00:03:09 --> 00:03:13 and it felt really, really safe and really, really good.
00:03:13 --> 00:03:22 So we were on a serious track. At that time, it felt like we were really ready for that at that age.
00:03:22 --> 00:03:30 I kind of think, at least in my generation or my group of friends I surrounded
00:03:30 --> 00:03:31 myself with or my family,
00:03:32 --> 00:03:36 In my late 20s, early 30s, I kind of always felt like that would be probably
00:03:36 --> 00:03:37 when I was settling down.
00:03:38 --> 00:03:43 So when I met him, it was certainly in the back of my head. I was looking for that person.
00:03:44 --> 00:03:48 And I think he was too. And when we met, we really hit it off.
00:03:49 --> 00:03:53 He was more sure about me than I was about him, which is always good.
00:03:53 --> 00:03:56 I was going to say that. Yeah, that is good. Good sign.
00:03:58 --> 00:04:03 So we were dating about a year and we had already talked it at that point.
00:04:03 --> 00:04:05 We're getting to the point where we're talking about the future.
00:04:05 --> 00:04:08 We're talking about what our next steps are, plans are.
00:04:09 --> 00:04:15 And being a girl, I was excited about the idea of getting engaged.
00:04:15 --> 00:04:21 And he had mentioned he's looking towards maybe that fall where that was going to happen.
00:04:22 --> 00:04:27 And so I was turning 30. I wanted to do something fun and special.
00:04:27 --> 00:04:34 My family means the world to me and my whole life I grew up in my house on Long Island and,
00:04:35 --> 00:04:39 we have this we have I have a lot of siblings and it had a nice big backyard
00:04:39 --> 00:04:44 with the deck and a pool and my birthday's around the 4th of July it's July 6th,
00:04:45 --> 00:04:50 so I decided I'm gonna have an old school pool party like I did growing up,
00:04:51 --> 00:04:58 and invite everyone My family, friends, and it was an opportunity for Mike's
00:04:58 --> 00:05:00 parents to meet my parents.
00:05:00 --> 00:05:04 That was another big part of it. That was why we wanted to have that.
00:05:05 --> 00:05:08 Yeah, that was kind of it was felt like it was that kind of next step.
00:05:08 --> 00:05:11 They wanted to meet each other. I had met his parents. Of course, he had met mine.
00:05:12 --> 00:05:16 And we were getting closer with each other's families, for sure.
00:05:17 --> 00:05:24 So I decided to throw myself a birthday party on July 3rd, and just where the weekend landed.
00:05:25 --> 00:05:32 And yeah, so it was a great day, one of my favorite days, and started sometime in the afternoon.
00:05:32 --> 00:05:38 And he had his parents there. He had some of his friends there,
00:05:38 --> 00:05:42 mostly my family, my family and my friends.
00:05:43 --> 00:05:49 And everything just went perfect um it was super fun they our parents met they
00:05:49 --> 00:05:53 headed off which we they would and the day,
00:05:54 --> 00:06:00 it was a long day and people were starting to leave towards probably dusk so,
00:06:00 --> 00:06:05 between six and seven the time i don't totally i'm not totally clear with,
00:06:06 --> 00:06:10 his family had left. His friends had left.
00:06:11 --> 00:06:16 A lot of my family who had young kids had left, but a lot of us were still there.
00:06:17 --> 00:06:21 And we were done being in the pool at that point and we were all on the deck
00:06:21 --> 00:06:23 and there was people saying goodbye.
00:06:23 --> 00:06:29 And we kind of were turning over to the nighttime fun and starting to play like,
00:06:30 --> 00:06:35 drinking games and beer pong and setting up for that being stupid fun and.
00:06:37 --> 00:06:42 So I'll tell you my experience my memory from it there's a lot of details that
00:06:43 --> 00:06:47 were filled in for me later on but we'll start with kind of what I remember,
00:06:48 --> 00:06:54 so I remember the sun going down and it was dark at this point and,
00:06:55 --> 00:07:01 we were setting up to play games and the next thing I truly remember looking
00:07:01 --> 00:07:03 around for Mike for a second,
00:07:04 --> 00:07:10 and just kind of like oh we're gonna where is he just for a quick second I remember doing that before I,
00:07:11 --> 00:07:17 Literally heard his name being screamed and it was my brother's voice.
00:07:18 --> 00:07:25 And the next thing I remember is being next to him poolside and he's laying
00:07:25 --> 00:07:28 on his back and I'm doing CPR.
00:07:28 --> 00:07:35 That's I don't remember how I got down there and doing CPR and someone is kind
00:07:35 --> 00:07:39 of shouting the well, I know actually it was my friend who was shouting,
00:07:39 --> 00:07:41 you know, the the countdown.
00:07:43 --> 00:07:49 And I remember that he had a lot of water in his mouth and I was trying to get the water out.
00:07:50 --> 00:07:54 And I was, you know, pumping on his chest.
00:07:54 --> 00:07:59 And then someone kind of, I think, picked me up and carried me away.
00:07:59 --> 00:08:03 And it was steps up from the pool up into my deck pretty long up.
00:08:04 --> 00:08:10 So I run out to the front yard and I kind of, I know it's really,
00:08:10 --> 00:08:13 really bad. And I'm just numb.
00:08:14 --> 00:08:19 And I actually run a little bit away. I run like across the street from my house.
00:08:20 --> 00:08:22 I remember sirens coming.
00:08:22 --> 00:08:30 I remember my friend coming over to me and I'm asking her what's going on and what's happening.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:37 It does occur to me for a quick second from what I just experienced that he
00:08:37 --> 00:08:43 may have been passed away. So I asked if he was alive. I just kept asking if
00:08:43 --> 00:08:45 he was alive. She was saying, I don't know.
00:08:46 --> 00:08:50 And then the next thing I know, I hear that they have a heartbeat.
00:08:50 --> 00:08:52 Someone screams that to me.
00:08:52 --> 00:08:57 And then the next memory I have is being in my parents' car with my sister,
00:08:57 --> 00:08:58 and we're driving behind an ambulance.
00:08:59 --> 00:09:07 And we get to the local hospital. And I'm in a waiting room.
00:09:07 --> 00:09:13 And really pretty quickly after that, I'm trying to find a place with his friend,
00:09:13 --> 00:09:19 met us there to go into some closet to call his parents. And I'm trying to call his parents.
00:09:19 --> 00:09:24 And I get someone on the phone and we're switching the phone back and forth,
00:09:24 --> 00:09:26 just kind of tell them where to go, get to the hospital.
00:09:27 --> 00:09:33 And then we're in a waiting room for a long time.
00:09:33 --> 00:09:38 And his parents get there. I think one of the worst moments of my life,
00:09:38 --> 00:09:45 I think, is seeing his father walk into the waiting room at what was going on,
00:09:46 --> 00:09:53 and or just, you know, just being not hysterical, but stern and what happened. Mm-hmm.
00:09:55 --> 00:09:58 And I remember I'm wearing my little jean shorts and a sweatshirt,
00:09:58 --> 00:10:02 and I'm shaking uncontrollably in the waiting room.
00:10:03 --> 00:10:11 And my aunt is a PA, and she worked in a big hospital in Long Island.
00:10:11 --> 00:10:17 And she had gotten there and knew nurses and doctors at the hospital.
00:10:17 --> 00:10:20 And one of them came out and knew her.
00:10:20 --> 00:10:30 And I heard her say that he broke certain bones in his spine and I didn't know what that meant.
00:10:30 --> 00:10:33 I didn't know enough of medical jargon. So I'm kind of asking around like,
00:10:33 --> 00:10:36 what does that mean? And people really aren't telling me.
00:10:37 --> 00:10:41 Putting together that he might be paralyzed from the injury.
00:10:43 --> 00:10:46 I'm not really going there though. These are just the kind of thoughts that
00:10:46 --> 00:10:50 are passing through my head, but I'm realizing it's pretty serious.
00:10:50 --> 00:10:52 Can I ask a question? A clarifying question?
00:10:54 --> 00:10:58 I know so much of what you said happened was a little fuzzy and for obvious reasons.
00:11:00 --> 00:11:03 I mean, and maybe you're going to go ahead and say this anyway,
00:11:03 --> 00:11:07 but do you know, did he fall? Did he have an event?
00:11:08 --> 00:11:13 Was there some kind of cardiac? Did something happen?
00:11:14 --> 00:11:19 Do we know? No, I don't know. We don't know. Nobody knows. There are some...
00:11:20 --> 00:11:25 Pieces of the puzzle we put together afterwards. We know that he intentionally.
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 Had the idea of going into the pool.
00:11:29 --> 00:11:35 We have to assume that he was found in the middle of the pool, facing one way.
00:11:35 --> 00:11:41 We have to imagine that he dove and assume that he hit his head in some way.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:45 There was not anything on his body that would have told us what happened.
00:11:45 --> 00:11:51 There was no scars there was no blood there was nothing like that no bumps no
00:11:51 --> 00:11:54 bruises nothing like that that they could find,
00:11:55 --> 00:11:59 well i remember when he got transferred so after that we were in the waiting
00:11:59 --> 00:12:03 for a really long time i finally went home probably at four o'clock in the morning,
00:12:04 --> 00:12:13 and he was transferred to a a bigger hospital my aunt's hospital and i got there the next five days,
00:12:14 --> 00:12:17 I start to understand what the injuries all mean.
00:12:17 --> 00:12:22 And I know, obviously, we're asking what happened and what could have happened.
00:12:22 --> 00:12:26 But at this point, we know that he broke his C1 and C2. Okay.
00:12:26 --> 00:12:30 Which basically means like no brain activity usually.
00:12:30 --> 00:12:36 You are a miracle. So every day you're just kind of watching their bodily functions
00:12:36 --> 00:12:38 and seeing if there's some kind of improvement.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:42 But really, it's the brain activity that you're looking for.
00:12:42 --> 00:12:47 And anyone with that injury though immediately is paralyzed from the neck down.
00:12:47 --> 00:12:53 Definitely. So it's just a matter of if they have any faculties working in their brain.
00:12:54 --> 00:12:59 So, I remember a doctor telling me, you'll never definitely know what happened.
00:13:00 --> 00:13:04 So, I just, I remember hearing that and it was being very frustrating,
00:13:04 --> 00:13:05 but I'm like, that's what a doctor's saying.
00:13:05 --> 00:13:11 I'm sure that's what happened. At other points in my life, I have asked doctors
00:13:11 --> 00:13:14 that I've met and they said it sounds like a pretty typical diving accident,
00:13:15 --> 00:13:18 which is, I just didn't know that that's what happened.
00:13:18 --> 00:13:22 In my mind, something that big, an injury, it would have to be a really big
00:13:22 --> 00:13:28 incident. And so I was convinced that something else had happened and then that caused him to drown.
00:13:28 --> 00:13:32 I mean, my first thinking was he drowned. I didn't, the idea of a brain injury
00:13:32 --> 00:13:36 slash spine injury never crossed my mind. How could it? If you're not seeing
00:13:36 --> 00:13:38 and it's not presenting, how could you?
00:13:39 --> 00:13:45 Right. So I was like, he must have passed out or had some kind of fainting thing.
00:13:45 --> 00:13:49 And then, you know, you're trying to make sense. Yeah. Make a story out of it.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:54 So it wasn't until when we were in the next hospital, he was on life support
00:13:54 --> 00:14:01 for five days until it was decided to take him off life support because there was no brain activity.
00:14:02 --> 00:14:06 So it was July 11th that he officially passed away.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:11 Did his parents make that call? Or did you make that with his parents?
00:14:12 --> 00:14:15 The doctor slash parents for sure.
00:14:15 --> 00:14:20 But waiting on the doctor to tell us what I think the best advice.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:24 So that actual conversation, I was not there for. They called.
00:14:24 --> 00:14:30 I was back and forth from my cousins to the hospital all day for the hospital
00:14:30 --> 00:14:33 as long as I could stand it. And then I would take breaks.
00:14:33 --> 00:14:39 And the last day that he was on life support, yeah, they called.
00:14:39 --> 00:14:41 I happened to not be there. And they just said, you have to get here.
00:14:42 --> 00:14:46 And they were ready to make that call. So I think it was a mix between the medical
00:14:46 --> 00:14:48 team and the doc, the parent, his parents.
00:14:49 --> 00:14:55 And then he donated some organs. So that was the next decision to be made.
00:14:56 --> 00:15:00 Hey, it's Lisa Sugarman, co-host of the Survivors and founder of The Help Hub.
00:15:00 --> 00:15:04 If you're listening right now and you're not okay, if you're feeling overwhelmed,
00:15:05 --> 00:15:09 stuck, or like you're carrying more than you can handle, please know you don't
00:15:09 --> 00:15:10 have to go through it alone.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:17 You can call or text 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org to connect with trained
00:15:17 --> 00:15:21 counselors like me who are there to listen and support you in the moment.
00:15:22 --> 00:15:26 Reaching out is a brave first step and you owe it to yourself because your life
00:15:26 --> 00:15:32 matters, your story matters, and help is always just three numbers away.
00:15:36 --> 00:15:42 So we're so sorry, first of all, because that's a huge and deeply traumatic
00:15:42 --> 00:15:46 kind of loss that most people don't have to experience.
00:15:46 --> 00:15:52 And, you know, such a joyful day, obviously, turned out to be the very worst day.
00:15:53 --> 00:15:57 Right. So this was how many years ago? What year was this? Remind me.
00:15:57 --> 00:16:00 That was 2015. Okay, so that's 2015.
00:16:00 --> 00:16:09 So after Mike, did you ever think that you could even find love again,
00:16:09 --> 00:16:12 allow yourself to love again? What was that like?
00:16:14 --> 00:16:21 I, it was a backwards experience. I did not. So all of this I can reflect back
00:16:21 --> 00:16:23 on. Obviously, it's a bit of a long time ago.
00:16:24 --> 00:16:28 Did I think that I could? I told myself I had to.
00:16:29 --> 00:16:33 Okay. Fair. I think wasn't ready right away.
00:16:34 --> 00:16:37 That's just extremely difficult to process.
00:16:38 --> 00:16:43 That event was just not something although i was old enough,
00:16:43 --> 00:16:51 looking back i was young i was a sheltered young woman i had never would have
00:16:51 --> 00:16:58 seen something like this happening in my lifetime certainly not in the way that it affected me,
00:16:59 --> 00:17:05 my brain just could not get on board with that story Yeah, I get it.
00:17:05 --> 00:17:06 That's called shock. Yeah.
00:17:08 --> 00:17:13 It was just, so I had my, it was the summer, thank goodness.
00:17:13 --> 00:17:18 And so I hadn't been at my job very long.
00:17:18 --> 00:17:24 And one of my best friends actually worked with me, who I went to college with, again, thank God.
00:17:24 --> 00:17:26 And so I had a couple months off.
00:17:27 --> 00:17:31 And I pretty much, for about a month, I was, for the most part,
00:17:31 --> 00:17:33 staying around my bed area. Yeah.
00:17:33 --> 00:17:39 Getting up in the evening, have visitors and tried to get back to some things
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41 I enjoyed later in the summer.
00:17:41 --> 00:17:46 I ended up getting an apartment that one of my other really good friends hooked
00:17:46 --> 00:17:51 me up with and I was living under her. So that was great in Astoria and Queens. So...
00:17:53 --> 00:18:00 And was I, yes, I was definitely able to wrap my head around meeting someone else and moving on.
00:18:01 --> 00:18:06 I think I was just, not at the time, but not super consciously,
00:18:06 --> 00:18:10 but I was definitely, definitely extremely scared of what it did to me.
00:18:10 --> 00:18:15 I think that I didn't really, I just was not dealing with it,
00:18:15 --> 00:18:22 right? Because I was just pushing it away. And I was trying to go back to who I was so desperately.
00:18:23 --> 00:18:28 Now that I know more, obviously being older, going through grief and later on
00:18:28 --> 00:18:32 and just maturity, I realize you never go back to who you were.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:33 You are a different person.
00:18:34 --> 00:18:41 Yeah so that disconnect of who i actually was and who i was desperately wanting to be i think.
00:18:43 --> 00:18:46 It it brought a lot of kind of just not,
00:18:47 --> 00:18:53 too much self-love going on yeah and i was definitely depressed and super anxious
00:18:53 --> 00:18:58 and i was hiding what was how bad it was yeah and it led me to
00:18:58 --> 00:19:03 i think we talked about this quickly a very toxic relationship yeah well because
00:19:03 --> 00:19:09 i just yeah yeah we're gonna we're gonna dive into that one okay yeah yeah so i i think,
00:19:10 --> 00:19:13 i hate to admit this but i was desperately looking for someone to fill that
00:19:13 --> 00:19:22 role yeah so i don't did i think could i looking back no i was never gonna feel that again,
00:19:22 --> 00:19:28 and i was so afraid of facing the fears that I really genuinely had.
00:19:28 --> 00:19:30 I couldn't say out loud what,
00:19:30 --> 00:19:36 What if I am broken? You know, what if this changed me forever?
00:19:36 --> 00:19:40 What if no one is going to want to deal with the real ugliness that's going
00:19:40 --> 00:19:44 on right now? So let me pretend like I'm someone I'm not. Yeah, yeah.
00:19:45 --> 00:19:51 And move forward. And predators see that, you know, they really have a sixth
00:19:51 --> 00:19:54 sense for that vulnerability.
00:19:54 --> 00:19:57 So speaking of predators, glad you used that word.
00:19:58 --> 00:20:03 Let's let's flash that was serendipitous flash forward to 2018,
00:20:04 --> 00:20:11 you meet someone on a dating app his name is eric yes you guys got really serious
00:20:11 --> 00:20:16 pretty fast right yes moved in together by what was it like december 2019,
00:20:17 --> 00:20:21 kind of uh yeah time right okay so eric you you get hot and heavy.
00:20:22 --> 00:20:26 You fall for each other. He proposes, right?
00:20:26 --> 00:20:29 He proposes in Central Park. By the way, I want to just mention,
00:20:29 --> 00:20:34 I think it's important to mention, that your story has gone so amazingly viral.
00:20:34 --> 00:20:40 Like, I have to just say how it is that I found you, and I had to track you down.
00:20:40 --> 00:20:47 So I have this little habit of the way that I unwind, because the nature of
00:20:47 --> 00:20:48 the work I do is pretty heavy.
00:20:48 --> 00:20:52 The way that I unwind is to watch YouTube videos of like, you know,
00:20:53 --> 00:21:00 like police cam footage and, you know, like all sorts of like ridiculous,
00:21:00 --> 00:21:06 crazy crime stories and like, you know, that kind of genre.
00:21:07 --> 00:21:10 And so I'm sitting at the kitchen table and I'm eating lunch and I'm watching,
00:21:11 --> 00:21:12 something and I see this headline.
00:21:13 --> 00:21:16 And I can't remember the headline and I should have dug it up for this.
00:21:16 --> 00:21:22 But I see this headline about like, you know, double life being duped,
00:21:22 --> 00:21:24 whatever it was. And it was you.
00:21:24 --> 00:21:28 And it was like this montage of this collage of you and Eric.
00:21:29 --> 00:21:34 And I'm like, oh, that's intriguing. And it has like 10 million views or something
00:21:34 --> 00:21:36 like that. And I'm like, well, this is interesting.
00:21:36 --> 00:21:41 So I click on it and I'm now locked in. I am looking at, I'm watching this story
00:21:41 --> 00:21:45 with my mouth is like hanging open and I'm watching everything.
00:21:45 --> 00:21:50 And I felt like such incredible sadness for you and what you had gone through.
00:21:50 --> 00:21:54 And I was like, oh my God, this is, you know, talk about surviving.
00:21:55 --> 00:21:59 And of course, you know, connected the dots and was like, need to reach out
00:21:59 --> 00:22:02 to Caitlin immediately and found you. Yeah.
00:22:03 --> 00:22:06 We like interesting survivor stories on our podcast. Yes, we do.
00:22:06 --> 00:22:08 We don't like just run of the mill.
00:22:09 --> 00:22:12 We need real hardcore trauma up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:12 --> 00:22:15 You have some good ones. Yeah, we have actually.
00:22:16 --> 00:22:21 So, you know, obviously I reached out to you and you, and as I'm digging into
00:22:21 --> 00:22:25 your background, I'm learning that you've been all over the place.
00:22:25 --> 00:22:30 Your story has been all over the place. Name off a couple of the publications
00:22:30 --> 00:22:35 and outlets. Was it like Newsweek or Daily Mail?
00:22:35 --> 00:22:39 Daily Mail. Daily Mail. Yeah. It was New York Post. Yep.
00:22:40 --> 00:22:43 That was the one I saw. And then there's a bunch of UK magazines.
00:22:43 --> 00:22:46 Yes. How did it get out? How did?
00:22:47 --> 00:22:55 Well, so it was funny because after everything with Eric, I was just on Instagram.
00:22:55 --> 00:23:03 And this time i was like needing to needing to connect and i don't know if i
00:23:03 --> 00:23:04 just happened to be following,
00:23:05 --> 00:23:13 a certain handle but it was love what matters as a blog oh yeah and i think
00:23:13 --> 00:23:16 so somehow they popped up and a story popped up and it was,
00:23:17 --> 00:23:20 i don't know i get i connected with it somehow and i wrote underneath like,
00:23:21 --> 00:23:26 i just you know went through this totally know what you're going through and
00:23:26 --> 00:23:27 then they reached out to me and so,
00:23:28 --> 00:23:33 and i wrote an article and or a blog and then that got published right and it
00:23:33 --> 00:23:39 kind of spiraled so let's let's go back and talk about that because this is
00:23:39 --> 00:23:41 this is like part two of this.
00:23:43 --> 00:23:49 Almost impossible odyssey that you've been on so you You get engaged in Central Park.
00:23:49 --> 00:23:52 It's super romantic. You're going to have your wedding.
00:23:53 --> 00:23:57 And now it's August of 2020.
00:23:57 --> 00:24:02 Right. So that was December 2019. Right. You proposed and now you're planning
00:24:02 --> 00:24:04 your wedding and you're together and things are good, right?
00:24:05 --> 00:24:09 Yeah, they're amazing. COVID hit March 2020.
00:24:09 --> 00:24:16 So we had planned a quick wedding from that Christmas to have it in August.
00:24:16 --> 00:24:21 And then COVID hit and we were going back and forth with knowing what was happening with weddings.
00:24:21 --> 00:24:26 And then we were told that we could have a 50% wedding.
00:24:26 --> 00:24:32 And we ironically i said i didn't want to change the date because i was,
00:24:32 --> 00:24:36 because of my past i was very like superstitious and i said you know and i'm
00:24:36 --> 00:24:42 i don't i have all the people i love right now and whatever we can do we're gonna do
00:24:42 --> 00:24:46 great and so we decided to keep it yeah so that was for august 2020 right so
00:24:46 --> 00:24:48 it's now august 21st 2020,
00:24:49 --> 00:24:51 and it's your rehearsal dinner and,
00:24:52 --> 00:24:55 was it in new york Yes, Long Island. Okay, Long Island, right.
00:24:55 --> 00:24:59 So you're at the venue and you have the rehearsal dinner and you're celebrating
00:24:59 --> 00:25:02 and Eric gives a speech, you know, about how much he loves you.
00:25:03 --> 00:25:07 And then you both go back to your
00:25:07 --> 00:25:12 own separate rooms, like most brides and grooms, right? We're partying.
00:25:13 --> 00:25:17 Now, mind you, we've all been in quarantine for six months, hadn't seen,
00:25:17 --> 00:25:20 neither of us had a bachelor-bachelorette party, none of the typical things.
00:25:21 --> 00:25:27 And so yeah so we're having fun and we go we both go back to the hotel we're
00:25:27 --> 00:25:30 hanging out for a bit and then we separate yes yeah and you go back to your
00:25:30 --> 00:25:32 room and he goes back to his now.
00:25:33 --> 00:25:39 Take us to the morning you wake up on your wedding day and the phone rings.
00:25:39 --> 00:25:43 The phone rings and wakes you up. Is that right? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. And it's your mom.
00:25:44 --> 00:25:49 Right. And I think I'm late for everything.
00:25:51 --> 00:25:55 A little out of it. And I'm like, I'm coming. I'm waking up.
00:25:56 --> 00:26:01 It's okay. It's my mom. And she had just a really weird tone that freaked me
00:26:01 --> 00:26:04 out. She just said, can you come down to the lobby?
00:26:05 --> 00:26:10 But it was a really strained, weird tone. And I said, I just,
00:26:10 --> 00:26:15 I stopped in my track. I'm like, I'm going to be down. And I said, what is the matter?
00:26:15 --> 00:26:19 I said, just, you just need to come down to the lobby. And I think my first
00:26:19 --> 00:26:23 thought, I mean, this is COVID time. So we're kind of all in a weird,
00:26:23 --> 00:26:25 dark, you know, worried bubble.
00:26:26 --> 00:26:31 Yeah. And I'm thinking an aunt and uncle, something happened, you know.
00:26:31 --> 00:26:36 Maybe they got sick of course i'm like no so you know what is going on your
00:26:36 --> 00:26:41 spidey senses are out of control at this point yeah out of control like the
00:26:41 --> 00:26:44 way i knew that someone died,
00:26:44 --> 00:26:50 and but then yeah so i just said no i'm not actually leaving this room until
00:26:50 --> 00:26:55 you tell me what is going on i don't know why i said that i just i was completely
00:26:55 --> 00:26:58 frozen and she said eric died in the middle of the night.
00:26:59 --> 00:27:04 Your fiancé in his room died. Yeah. I fell to the floor and.
00:27:05 --> 00:27:14 And my parents and my sister and my best friend came to the door,
00:27:14 --> 00:27:16 and I'm just on the floor.
00:27:16 --> 00:27:24 And I'm hearing his brother screaming in the other room down the hall,
00:27:25 --> 00:27:28 and I'm just not really there.
00:27:28 --> 00:27:31 I just said, get me out of here somehow.
00:27:32 --> 00:27:39 And they did and i go down and i i remember being in the back of a car and seeing
00:27:39 --> 00:27:43 like an ambulance almost thing like a small and i'm like,
00:27:44 --> 00:27:47 this is happening and,
00:27:48 --> 00:27:54 then i get back to my house and we're close to where i grew up everything was
00:27:54 --> 00:28:03 going to be in that area and i get out of the car and I remember I, his dog was.
00:28:04 --> 00:28:10 Had come down with his parents from, they were up north and I just saw his dog
00:28:10 --> 00:28:12 and I just completely broke down.
00:28:13 --> 00:28:18 And that's when it hit me that I was never going to see Eric again.
00:28:18 --> 00:28:21 And he had died the morning of my wedding day.
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25 And it was, was it an undiagnosed heart issue?
00:28:25 --> 00:28:30 Was that what it was? Right. So it took a, I want to say it was at least 24
00:28:30 --> 00:28:33 hours, maybe longer, a couple of days till we knew what happened.
00:28:34 --> 00:28:38 And yeah, it was just something, it's something honestly that they would have
00:28:38 --> 00:28:42 never seen that it was described to me that he had.
00:28:44 --> 00:28:50 Like a heart of a 90 something year old oh just just like thick yeah and something
00:28:50 --> 00:28:54 else where which i guess is very common that again you wouldn't know unless you were,
00:28:55 --> 00:28:59 i guess having a heart attack and going in and getting some kind of surgery
00:28:59 --> 00:29:04 that like only one valve is working properly which is i guess very pretty typical,
00:29:05 --> 00:29:10 and so when we found out more about it they said that there were signs of heart
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11 attacks. He had had heart attacks.
00:29:11 --> 00:29:16 I remembered about six months before that, I had remembered a time where he
00:29:16 --> 00:29:21 had gotten really sick and was having really, really bad heartburn. And he was sweating. And.
00:29:25 --> 00:29:29 He just got better in a couple days. And I forced him to go to the doctor.
00:29:29 --> 00:29:32 He was just a typical guy with that, not wanting to go to a doctor.
00:29:32 --> 00:29:37 And he went to an urgent care and the doctor just kind of gave him,
00:29:39 --> 00:29:43 like a z-pack and sent him home literally stopped stressing exercise more you
00:29:43 --> 00:29:48 know he showed me a little list of what they said yeah and i remember at the
00:29:48 --> 00:29:50 time i was fixated you know you have these,
00:29:51 --> 00:29:55 all of these regrets and i was like i should have went with him to that appointment
00:29:55 --> 00:30:00 and made sure that i really described to the doctor what I saw because I knew it was serious.
00:30:00 --> 00:30:04 But even if you had done that, Caitlin, like you said it yourself,
00:30:04 --> 00:30:08 there was no way to really know unless they were doing like a arthroscopic probe
00:30:08 --> 00:30:11 of his heart for a specific purpose.
00:30:11 --> 00:30:15 Like they're not going to know. I mean, if he's an otherwise healthy 30 something
00:30:15 --> 00:30:19 year old, like they're just not going to know. Exactly.
00:30:19 --> 00:30:24 And again, I get a little obsessed with trying to find out, you know,
00:30:24 --> 00:30:28 more about But now the second time that I'm really unsure, yes,
00:30:28 --> 00:30:31 we know what happened, but we don't know why, you know? Yeah, yeah.
00:30:34 --> 00:30:37 So I was in hell. So you were in hell. I woke up in hell.
00:30:38 --> 00:30:42 That was only part one of our conversation with Caitlin. Join us next Wednesday
00:30:42 --> 00:30:45 for part two, right here on The Survivors.
00:30:46 --> 00:30:49 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of The Survivors community.
00:30:50 --> 00:30:54 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone and you're definitely
00:30:54 --> 00:30:58 not broken. Healing takes time and it looks different for everyone.
00:30:59 --> 00:31:03 The fact that you're still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:31:03 --> 00:31:07 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:31:10 --> 00:31:14 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:31:15 --> 00:31:17 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember,
00:31:18 --> 00:31:19 help is always out there.
00:31:19 --> 00:31:24 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:31:24 --> 00:31:27 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:31:27 --> 00:31:31 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:31:32 --> 00:31:35 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:31:35 --> 00:31:39 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:31:39 --> 00:31:43 Until then, take care of yourself and your people, and keep surviving.